| 1. Throw A Razor at Me |
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| 2. Throw Me into a Fire |
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| 3. Dig Your Hand into My Ear and Pull Out My Brain |
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| 4. Suck My Eyes Out of My Skull with a Vaccuum Then Stick a Dick in Each Eye Hole into My Brain |
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| 5. Unleash 5000 Pregnant Rats into My House So They Eat Me Alive |
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| 6. Set It Up So I'm Just at the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time |
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| 7. I'm Going to Walk Into a Dark Room Filled with People That Hate Me with a Blindfold On, the Second I Turn on the Lights, Attack! |
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| 8. Push Me Off a Mountain |
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| 9. Feed Me a Tomato Injected with Poison |
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| 10. Bash Me in the Face with Your Mailbox Then When You Go to Check the Mail in the Morning You Find My Teeth |
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| 11. After Touching My Penis Shaft, Leave Me in an Elevator Shaft So It Comes Down and Crushes Me Like an Ant |
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| 12. Make Me Suck Your Dick Upside Down So That Your Balls Poke My Eyes Out into My Brain |
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| 13. Bring Me to the Zoo and Feed Me to the Lions |
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| 14. Bring Me to the Zoo and Feed Me to the Bears |
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| 15. Bring Me to the Zoo and Feed Me to the Snakes |
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| 16. Break a Bottle Over My Dickhead |
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| 17. Stick Your Arm Up My Butthole and Pull Out Poops in My Eyes and Make Me Cross Heavy Traffic |
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| 18. Take a Crowbar and Grind It into My Face |
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| 19. Throw a Cell Phone Off the Statue of Liberty onto My Head |
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| 20. When I'm Getting Open Heart Surgery Crowd Surf Knocking Down All the Doctors |
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| 21. Cover Me in Sludgy Diarrhea and Lock Me in a Cage with a Retarded Coprophiliac |
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| 22. Put a Pump into My Stomach and Fill Me with Air Then Poke Me with a Safety Pin So I Pop |
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| 23. Cover Me in Butter snd Lock Me in a Room with Rosie O'Donnel and Anna Nicole Smith, the 2 Fattest Slobs in Showbiz |
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| 24. Make Me Bite the Curb and Eat My Brains for Dinner |
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| 25. Suck My Dingaling with Razorblades in Your Mouth |
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| 26. Send Me to China to Lick the Ground So I Get SARS |
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| 27. Send Me Out into the Cold with No Clothes and Ice Cubes Duct Taped to My Ballbag |
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| 28. Destroy My Pipe Lines So You Cut Off My Water Supply |
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| 29. Crack Open My Head and Eat Out My Brains with Chopsticks |
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| 30. Cut Down a Redwood Tree Right Next to Me So It Falls and Gives Me a Bop on the Noggin' |
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| 31. Fart, Then Light a Match and Hold It Up to Your Sodomy Hole While My Face is Right There So I Get Flamed to the Face |
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| 32. Smack Me in the Nuts with a Wrench Then Make Me a Poison Smoothie to Drink |
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| 33. Make Me Suck a Horse's Cock So He Shoots Gallons of Dickwad Down My Throat and I Choke |
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| 34. Strap 100 Pound Weights to My My Back and Put Me on an Ice Skating Rink in June |
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| 35. Nails Me to a Cross Like That Piece of Shit Jesus Christ |
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| 36. Cremate Me While I'm Still Alive Then Put My Ashes in Pepper Shakers So Stupid Fucking Humans Eat Me |
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| 37. Put a Detonation Device That Blows Up Inside My Anus and Send Me Off to Michael Jackson's House |
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| 38. Make Me Drink Gasoline Then Shoot a Lit Match Down My Throat with a Sling Shot |
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| 39. Jam a Dirty Piece of Glass into My Chest |
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| 40. My Dick is So Huge So I Wrap It in Tin Foil During a Brutal Storm; I'll Go Stand Outside |
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| 41. Make Me Play Russian Roulette But Instead of 1 Bullet Out of 6 Loaded, All 6 Are |
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| 42. Feed Me to Gigantic Crocodiles |
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| 43. Take a Knife and Slash My Buttcheeks Up, Then Make Me Sit on Every Public Toilet on Earth |
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| 44. Make Me Sniff Glue for a Really Long Time |
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| 45. Make Me Fight the Karate Kid |
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| 46. Put Me in a Pool with Blood Thirsty Piranhas in It |
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| 47. Make Me Stay Up for Days So I'm Tired I Can't Even Lift A Finger, Then Put a Bed on the Train Tracks |
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| 48. Make Me Some Cement Shoes and Throw Me Off A Dock Into an Ocean |
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| 49. Hit Head with Computer Screen |
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| 50. Dress Me Up Like a Deer During Hunting Season and Send Me Out Into the Woods |
