Lista de Bandas Death Metal Assorted Nails War, Death, Destruction and Chocolate

The story between me and Assorted Nails had started on the right tracks. I was laughing my ass off reading the bio of this atypical German band and had found luminous the idea of inserting a real freaking nail in the CD package. Hopes and expectations were rather high because even though I love those truer-than-true Death Metal bands like Dead Congregation or Ignivomous, I have a soft spot for bands that don’t take themselves too seriously like Cannabis Corpse or Scrotum.

The problem is that Assorted Nails’ Old-School full-length, War, Death, Destruction and Chocolate does not live to its expectations. There’s nothing really wrong with the guys’ music and the lyrics are real fun but it fails to catch on the listener.

Playing Death Metal the Old-School way with some Thrash Metal feelings, Assorted Nails could be compared to the Dutch scene with acts like Sinister or Fondlecorpse. They also sometimes include some Black Metal riffing a la Darkthrone but it's played without much inspiration and most likely because they’re always in the parody mode. I'm pretty much certain that the dudes of Assorted Nails are aware they’re not the best musicians out there but besides a good bass/ guitar section the sometimes awkward drumming feels weird. Add to this a production that lacks some power, and you get some CD with some cool ideas but nothing that really stands out.

Now I know that these guys are doing this only for fun and they probably haven’t planned to be the next Immolation or Morbid Angel but somehow I was expecting catchier tunes than this. I guess this is more fitting of a live band playing local gigs rather than internationally acclaimed acts. Nothing wrong with this at all of course, it's just that War, Death, Destruction and Chocolate’s replay value nears somewhere a little above zero.

I hope the guys at Assorted Nails won’t feel sorry for having sent their CD for a review but what I’m pretty sure of is that if you’re somewhere in Germany and have the opportunity to see the band play live with their fun antics, you ought to show up. Getting the CD in your own collection is yet another entirely different story.