Lista de Bandas Death Metal Abgabba The Morgue, The Merrier

Since I'm in a good mood, I'll be writing a joyous review.

Do you remember when you were a kid? I mean like a 6 years old kid? I don't really recall much of that time except a few games I was playing. You know the one when your pal pretends he's a cowboy, and you pretend you're some Apache Indian? Stuff like that. Silly me. Oh well, let's start a new game... Let's pretend that in a not so distant future, Deathsters will have to go through job interviews as if it were a full-time job... Let's just pretend...

[The background : some shitty locale where two Human Resources guys are just going through job interviews all day long. First guy's name's Jeff, second guy's name's Bill. Pretty basic...]

Jeff - Bill, we still got one left to go and then we can go and have a few drinks.
Bill - Yep, it's been a heck of a long day if you ask me. Who's next?
Jeff - Hmm, lemme check. Some dude named Willis.
Bill - Yeah? Willis as in Willis? Where's he from?
Jeff - The resume says Cincinnati, Ohio.
Bill - Ok, let him in. Let's take a look at the man

[Willis steps inside. Takes a seat]

Jeff & Bill - Hi Willis!
Willis - Hi guys...
Jeff - Tell me more about your band Willis, will you? Where's the rest of the guys? They couldn't make it?
Willis - Erm, no. It's just that...
Bill - Jeff... [showing the resume to Jeff], Willis is a "one-man-band"...
Jeff - Oh, I see. Not to worry Willis, we are very open-minded, Viral Load got a nice position here and the CEO likes him very much. Excellent work.
Willis - Oh, cool. By the way,my band's name, erm, rather project, is Abgabba.
Jeff - Bless you. So you were saying the name was?
Willis - Abgabba.
Bill - Ooh, how original! It sounds Swedish, doesn't it? I mean like Abba with more consons before.
Jeff - C'mon Bill, let's not scare the young fellow. We did hire a few guys that sounded more like weirdos, let's take Whourkr for instance.
Bill - Oh yeah, sure it's just that... well, nevermind. Let's get on with the interview. What's next? Ah, yes, artwork.
Willis - There you go [handing the cover of his release "The Morgue, The Merrier"]
[Jeff and Bill look at each other]
Jeff - Well that's interesting.... Bill, remember not to let me draw anything when I'm under the influence...
Bill - Oh that's just great, all we needed was some artwork with crayons and pencils done by...
Willis - Wait guys, I did it all by myself. It's like some sort of tribute to Impetigo's Horror Of The Zombies but I have a shaky hand.
Jeff - Hmmm, okay. Let's get on with influences.
Willis - Well I like Atheist, Cannibal Corpse, Morbid Angel...
Bill - Sure you do, I mean, who doesn't? I think Jeff was actually talking about the influences that we can hear in your music.
Willis - Oh, yes, sure. I brought you a CD [hands it to Jeff. Jeffs plays CD]
[a few minutes later]
Bill - Willis, we've got a problem here.
Willis - Yeah? What kind of problem?
Jeff - Let's get back a few minutes earlier in our lives. You were citing Cannibal Corpse, Morbid Angel, Atheist.... Remember?
Willis - I sure do, but you see I got bored in my last job and I wanted to give more into a... progressive death metal thing.
Bill - I think the intention is okay Willis... it's just the result is... not convincing.
Jeff - That's an understatement if you ask me. Willis, that stuff you should keep for yourself. Work on it because before you think you're good enough to release I think we'll have found a way to ressucitate Chuck Schuldiner.
Willis - Hey guys, that's not fair!
Blll - Quite fair actually, the only thing you'd have in common with Schuldiner at the moment is his present voice.
Willis - But he's dead?!!
Jeff - I think Bill knows that, Willis.
Willis - What the...
Jeff - And now the music... Please tell me you're not ashamed?
Willis - It's written in my resume: There is no story. There is no mission statement. I am here for the music and that speaks for itself.
Bill - Indeed it does speak for itself. It's crap. You claim it's progressive death metal but when did Autopsy got along very well with Opeth for the last time?
Jeff - Hmm, they can't stand each other.
Bill - My point. Precisely. Willis, a piece of advice, it may sound good on paper but the audio result is...
Willis - Crap?
Jeff - Now you see some sense. Willis, it's one thing to have fun at home, you know: oh that's a nice riff, oh I like doing this, oh I should program more snares, oh I should mix it all and make a song out of it and sing with my raspy voice. And oh, let's share it on myspace.
Willis - How did you know?
Bill - We know Willis. We know. You're not the first and unfortunately you won't be the last.
Willis - So, I won't... get the position, right? I'm not hired?
[Bll & Jeff stare at each other]
Jeff - Willis, could you give us a few minutes. There's something we need to discuss
[a few minutes later]
Willis - C'mon on, guys. I know I failed. And hard at that. No need to keep me hanging on.
Bill - Willis, I'll speak on my behalf and on Jeff's. Yes, you suck, Big times. And yes, we're not going to hire you at least not until you come back to us with something decent. On the other hand, we have a sister company always looking for unusual one-man-band talents and...
Willis - oh guys you're real lifesavers!
Bill - and maybe you could serve some purpose there, purpose that we clearly fail to see.
Jeff - Yes, Willis, I suggest you apply for Black Metal.