1. THE CONFUSION (NOVEMBER)

She : "dear diary... it's so stupid..."
Tears of fear coruscated my face
Tears of joy course the lenght of my days
Tainted blood tracks in my veins
Bleak sadness, he will come soon
Will i ever
Truly wholly free
Of this agony ?
It's not left me, this blood of mine today
What would you think of me, mother, if I should say
(if you should learn about my stains ?)
I can see your face, blackened with rage
Twisted in hatred (denying the cage I have wrought.)
My bliss drains...
I wish I could say how I became this way !
Stark fear
He will come
Now I want him
Now I sense him
Is he the one ?
Mother there are dark rings under your eyes
Your hand raised to slap as you realise
I wish I could say
It would be okay
She (about her diary) : "...He (the embryon) thinks your a therapy..."


2. THE OLD MIRROR (DECEMBER)

I spy him hrought the old mirror
Strange this, then, to me
Face to face, it's him that I could see
This was too much !
My eyesclouded, darker, further
Face in my hands
Hands that would not dam
Tears that burned
I will not magnify his image
I wish I was still yet a child !


3. INCUBATION (JANUARY)

Now I am sure someone else is inside me
Foetus : "... my brain i suppose ?"
I search for him with all of my soul
Surely my image is all he can see
As I speak of him all the time
He speaks to me with the tie that binds
His soft molten voice in my head
Reverberrates throughout the walls of my mind
Storms my heart with its gentle song
My mother is going to kill me ...
I would too if I was in her place
She would not know what else to do.
She (writing on her diary) :
"...is another way to love me..."
The faceless ones who dole out pain
Disguised in the pill we take as "life"
My soul entrapped, I strain agaih
To free it from their torturous grind.
Foetus : "...my brain i suppose .?.?..."


4. THE NAMELESS BOYS (FEBRUARY)

Sex at night with nameless boys must go
They hurt me with their promises
Like their names, their words are dust
And left me bleeding in the street.
I lie where no-one's been before
Away fromtawdry rooms and alleys
Secure in knowing he is there
To stay with me forever


5. WITNESS TO 3X3X3 (MARCH)

Sixteen years since I've been home
And now I'll never leave
This edict given, cast in stone
My universe is cubeb, deceived...
Obscurity's the cloak I wear
Six faces of my room will bear
Witness to three by three by three
All that they are I'll never be
My cube is glued to many more
I see them fade towards horizon
And in each one a soul is stored
Grieving, peaceless isolation
Human geometry, irreconciled
The jigsaw of a giant child
That keeps to rules of five and three
And keep complete for all to see.
The faces of my cube become me
Loneliness is symmetry
No self-volition : I have to see
Myself reflected to the ower of three.
All hope is gone now, as if never had been
Multispace turns silently vertiginous
Parasite ans paradise, my mew host feeds
nd I listen, despairingy bilious
I twist in a helix : my destiny bound
My will not my own, through true clarity found
His coming is imminent : he speaks to me
The pain is inevitable before he can be
Mindflash of mother
Sadness a lether
Situations snafu*
Sensation of déja vu...
(*situation normal all fucked up).


6. THE FATHER'S GUN (APRIL)

Pain confines me to bed
To look beyond the angles
Of this cube not a factor
It's partition a cage in my head.
I feel I'm afloat in my cell
Held by a force that subsumes
I'm stretched till I break
Is it cuboid or sherical, this hell ?
And as if to confound me still more
As to what shape and dimension it is
The partition darkens
Till there was no real horizon at all
I don't know who I am anymore
What will now happen to me ?
I cannot now retrace my steps
Backtrack to my plank safety
I found my father's gun...
A kick in my belly moves focus
A message from foetus in morse
But what can I do ?
The cube has all I have know but dust !
My spirit as dark as this cage
My eyes close to confirm shape now sphere !
I collapse to the floor of this stage
Another vision :
A rose ? A cradle ? A coffin ?


7. VERTIGO (MAY)

Now, iknow I am lost
My days are numbered, not powered
It seems that my actions are clear
Abdicating to fate at what cost ?
The gun in one hand
My diary in the other.
I am writing the words from my head
There will be few more, eyes are closed
I feel free, now I have chosen;
The humanity in me near dead
Foetus : "... that still be me !! ..."
I am safe in this sphere
No pain in here...
With eyes tight shut
i can see, sixteen years ago
mother being just like me !
Not alone anymore
Free from pain of the past
The suffering over
These thoughts in the ind of the last...
I follow orders, now I move to the light
From which I had fled for so long
I follow his orders, ideas, sensations
She : "to keep us always together..."
Thereis nothing of me.
Is there trial, judge and jury
Beyond the now temporal
I do not intend to stay here.


8. THE COCOON SPHERE (JUNE)

Foetus speaking to her :
"Still trapped in here
this cocoon spherre
I'm bathing in this liquid clear
Wait for her to have courage
To bring us together.
I do not want that life outside !
There are so many things to hide
From the shallow and the fickle
When you're alone mankind means nothing
Just like wind pushed through the trees,
The void is total, bears no pleas.
I want to stay inside warmday
I'm isolated far away
All is dark here inside
I'm being soothed by her heartbeat...
Sometimes I speak my mind
In my thoughts her I find
She loves me, then I see
A dim light flickening in front of me
Glacial cold invades me, being eaten by the light
It's as if I'll cease to be, nothing else matters
No will, no fight."
-end of transmission-foetus'heartbeats.


9. THE BIOLOGICAL CLOCK (JULY)

No chance to return to the world where I was born
The moment has to be right
To move on into that dim light
I'm waiting for the moment....
No wish to fall back in cubes and powers !
My biological clock has a voice
It's seems that it holds my last choice.
It's time to reunite us.
Te barrel of the gun on this rounded womb
The spark of the life, inside me entombed
I write my last thought
Before i merge with this glimmer I sought
That lives only in my mind.
No turnoing away from the glean : it obsesses
In ghastly mine
I pull trigger first time
I'm waiting to be free
No anguish in me as I sprawl on the floor
I use my last breath to end it all.
I turn the gun towards my face
Please grant me some warmth; evergrace
She : "I don"t have the choice anymore..."
Forgive me, I'd rather dit, remember me, goodbye...