1. THE BLACK FLAG OF CHRISTMAS

As darkness descends on a cold winters night,
Fog rises from the octane and the shadows strikes chills
In the bones of the mariners, so cold and alone.
Adrift on the Yule tide and so far from home.

No turkey to ravage, no mulled wine to drink.
No tinsel, no stocking, just the sharp feted reek
Of an old pair of long johns, at the foot of the mast.
A bleak token gesture to Christmases past

Now slowly approaching, a bright crimson light,
And the gnarled grizzled futures of a reindeer like figurehead.
"Ship ho!" cries the mate from the nest up above
"The black flag of Christmas! Oh no! All is Lost"

A vessel appears through the misty mealy.
A visage, a spectre, to last all of 12 days

Here comes Kris Kringle to naughty and nice.
With his crew of dark sea elves on a galleon of ice.
To plunder and pillage the souls of the sad.
The miserable Bastards who know they've been bad.

"Hohoho let the cannons blow"
Santa bellows from the poop deck to the crew below
Fill their rotted hull with merriment there bilge fill with good cheer
Their cannons fill with crackers and their hold from 'ere to 'ere
Hang a bauble from the crows nest, hang the tinsel from the keel
And if that don’t make them merry fill their hearts with sharp cold steel

Three ships sail in to join the Rudolf's assault:
The Donner and the Blitzen and the Jolly Juggernaut,
Firing cannon balls and tinsel t'ward the mariner’s broadside.
When the first barrage was over nearly half of them had died.
The grapples flew, secured the ships together Mast To Mast.
Then descending cross the deck called captain Santa clause "avast!"

Now listen boys and girl as this may not be nice
You've all be naughty, and given in to vice
You've plundered burned and whored and murdered
"A pirates life, you say?"
But this is Christmas time, and now its time to pay!

Santa took his cutlass out and shoved it in the captains eye
Took a burning piece of coal and shoved it in the bos'ns "chap's eye"
The quartermaster run through with a sharpened mizzenmast
Then he slowly flayed the crew alive, so Christmas time could last

The black flag of Christmas, Santa will slay
From the port of Tortuga to Botany Bay
Of all of the villeins, from bonny to beard
Khristopher Kringles the one you should fear.