1. ZEN AND THE DEMISE

I recall the innocent memories
Filled with pure evil
which I understand since childhood
Filled with evil of nature, its indifference to values

To appear sane
I hid my wickedness
Remorse is for the weak
Damage is done
Bulletproof outside
Collapsing inside out
Thousands of thoughts bear a single mask

Subconsciousness howls
Spoils the previous zen
The world is spinning so fast
I struggle to hold grip on reality
I sculpt a human shape
Out of pure void

I've lived a thousand of lives
Death, madness and pettiness ploughed up my mind
My mind is overflowing with confusion
Loss, remorse and suffering ploughed up my heart

Since she is gone
I am but a human shape in void
Rage
I rage, against the demise of the light
I won't go gentle into that good night
The scars of past shed light on my future

Everything led to this point of my life
Inhale the star dust and watch the tears evaporate
The world still spins so fast
but now it has finally released me

I give up the will to survive till the bitter end
But I can't resist that good night
That night is a bliss
It ties up all the loose ends
Loss is another face of love
and the horizon of pain
embraces redemption

I am the unmoved mover of the worlds
Thousand faces of god's abandoned vessel
In disguise of one

When I realized
All is lost, all the hope is gone
I let it all go for all is void
The glimmer of itself

The void mirroring itself

Everything led to this point of my life
Death, madness and pettiness showed me the way
To restore the balance I immerse myself
in the zen of beautiful suicide


2. INSECURE PAWN

Sun shines with peaceful grace
How come I am the reason we ache
Is it my inner insecurity?
Or the suspiciousness of the so-called reality?

I've come to the conclusion that love is melancholy
I abound with plenitude
I'm sorry my love is consuming
Truth is it is eroding me too

The sun has set and there is no grace anymore
Eternity pierces my mind in a static fracture of time

In that glimpse I felt all the pain in the world at once
But for the first time ever I felt as one with the cosmos
Overwhelmed I struggle not to wake up
In the light of where I've been,
how could I ever come back to life again
At the time I thought that no pain could be worse
I can't believe how naïve I was!
Since then I've become a cork in a sea storm

Anchored in pain, all was bearable
As long as you cherished my hope
You silenced the howling distress inside of me

Abandoned and fragile on a quest to find solace
As each of us is imprisoned in a vessel
Doomed to wreck by loss of others
Who nourished our hopes in spite of the odds

There is nothing real about the world
I choose to believe in your love and in the hungry ghost
You bring the rest to my soul
And who cares if everything is just a Samsara

Everything is going to be fine
As long as I feel the warmth of your breath on my neck
Everything is going to be fine
As long as a pawn has a queen to die for


3. FROSTBOUND

We have danced on thin ice
Now I'm trapped by its crust

Tomorrow has finally come
With it the void in my heart

The past had been unkind to me
Half a dream, the rest was a lunacy
Then I looked up to my queen
And charged, dancing fearlessly

Thank you for all the soothing care

I raised my shoulders
And took on the weight of the world
I fought the hungry spirits
Defenceless, yet immortal
I took on the world
You told me: "The faith is useless; go, live!"
I'd put up a fight with anything knowing you are there
But the void is impossible to fight

As the Queen lays in dust
Kings fall in demise
I'm just a pawn
I've got no one to fight for anymore
Just myself

I am the revenant, a wandering spirit haunting itself
The life supposedly goes on
But how is it different from a drunken delirium?
The price of joy is too high
Yet somehow I stay alive

We dance to night's music
In a graveyard gaff
Candles' light and shadow's realm
Moonlight is the audience

If there is a fate, then it's driven by a psychopath
And we are all his children
You will never have my farewell
I'll carry you inside

Now I stand here gazing at the epitaph of
who we might have been
Instead I am choking on a broken eternity
I remember being strong

The tears froze over
As I buried the last evidence
Of my existence

I took on the world
You told me: "The faith is useless; go, live!"
But the life no longer goes on, there's no point
And the void is impossible to fight

As the Queen lays in dust
Kings fall in demise
I'm just a pawn
I've got no one to fight for anymore
Just myself

I am the revenant, a wandering spirit haunting itself
The life supposedly goes on
But what if there is nothing more than a drunken delirium
The price of joy is too high
I don't know if I am alive anymore


4. PATH THROUGH OBLIVION

Deep in the woods, the night touches my skin
You come along with me, but now you are gone
I'm lost and I'm scared, I keep calling your name
Until my sore voice finally breaks

You left me alone
And I'm afraid of night
The only thing left
Is the memory of your smile
I keep waiting and I feel cold
No longer as a man

A hungry apparition sits on my chest
I thought it was you
But it devours me
My mind slips
And the last memories of you
Crush me down
Paralysed
I fear the terrors in my sleep
So I wait

In place of the sun the clouds hang
Heavy with ink as dark as the woods at night
The ink is dripping in my eyes
Making me blind to the fortune passing by
The noble butterflies of night circle around
The last bright memories of my former life
I keep waking up and falling asleep, switching on and off
As their brightness dimishes
The apathy conquers all

Months pass, followed by years
Only the grief stays
Bleaches out the trace of human in me
I forgot what her smile looks like
And the winds rule the hollow cage of my ribs
Bells introduce the night
The joy
The ink
The wind
The death
Repeat

The heart doesn't lie
Yet I feel like I'm running waist-deep
in water against the current
I fail to understand how I could have survived
There is no point in clinging to living
All the former virtue gets more and more twisted
I don't recognize myself in the mirror
The inner voice I have always listened to
has been silent for a while
Replaced by the hungry spirit's intrigues

I choke on the emptiness
I'm oblivious
So let me die
Let me join you in oblivion
To leave no trace
I want to rest
To fall asleep with the last thought I hold so dear
I am betrayed
By my own mind
Hostile towards the legacy which I'd hate to leave

You left me alone
And I'm afraid of night
The only thing left
Is the memory of your smile
I keep waiting and I feel cold
No longer as a man

A hungry apparition with familiar face
Reminds me of myself
And it devours me
My mind slips
And the last memories of you
Crush me down
Paralysed
I fear the terrors in my sleep
So I wait


5. REACHING THE ANATTA

How can it be?
How can a thing change so much?
Deprived of my sleep
I was but a hollow husk

Numb to the bone
I'm stripping of all memories
Pure, yet alien
Capable to feel only physical pain

Mimicking the purposefulness of everyday routine
I finally found the ground beneath my feet

And although I'm stained with mud
at least I can stop drowning
I can almost reach to the surface
Of this ocean of ink around me

The clarity sprouts in me
I'll have to confront the hungry spirit
I know he never left for good
He is weakened by its age

He told me who he was
And although I always suspected
I dared not to believe

He is a god
He is a beggar
He's once been rich
and now he's me

Suddenly I recall
The cause of my gaping wounds
Memories unfold
Every wound has its meaning
The ancient hole in my chest
Awakens the forgotten passion

There is nothing as sad as a book left unfinished
And that is why this is my farewell

Now I remember the moment
when the Queen drew her last breath
My mind is without distraction
I know how this has to end
She showed me how to love
Being one with the hungry spirit
I know how to end myself
The void is what she has left me
With void I must merge


6. VI

(Instrumental)