1. CAPITULATE

These words do no justice!
They will never suffice!
Shred and tear out my god damn throat!
My god damn throat!
I am so fucking sick and disgusted of this existence!
Of this existence!
Where the fuck is my executioner?!
Will somebody please kill me already?!
Kill me already!!
Kill me already!!!
Kill me already!!!!
I'm fucked upon fucked upon fucked upon fucked upon fucked upon fucking fucked!
Fucked fucked fucked!
Fucked!!
Fuuggcked!!!
Fuughhckked!!!!
Swallow the vomit and regurgitate!
Swallow the vomit and regurgitate!!
Kill!!
Kill me already!!!
Kill me already!!!!
Kill me already!!!!!
Kill me already!!!!!
Swallow the vomit!!
Regurgitate!!
Swallow the vomit!!
Regurgitate!!...
Gun barrel to mouth......
Tongue in cheek......
A photographic memory of an existence charred...
"Mother!
Mother?!
Mother?!?!
Mother?!?!?!
Father!!!!
Father!!!!!
How could you?!
How fucking could you?!?!
What have you done?!?!?!
What have you fucking done?!?!!?!?!?"
Life...
Life is......
Worse than death......
Life is...
Worse than death......
Life is worse than death...
Life is worse than......
Death......


2. DORMANT ASPIRATION

Bury me, get rid of me, suffocating in dirt and shit
Lungs collapse already, give in already
This fucking existence is futile!
I have nothing!
I am nothing!
I have nothing!
I am nothing!

I have nothing!
I am nothing!
I have nothing!
I am nothing!!!
Death embrace me!!!
I have seen it all
I have seen my destiny
Shit canned failure of the false ideals of a man
Stretched across a blood soaked floor
Watching the light becoming dim
I'm coming back home
I'm coming back


3. RIPOSTE

It's like cutting at a scar that you've had all your life
Just before it can scab over you cut at it again, cutting deeper
An endless incision...
My inevitable decision...
To take my own life
I'm fucking falling apart
My mind broke like a glass thrown against a wall
Gatherers of laughter, maniacal and morbid, all gather around
I have become delirious
Pain has become hilarious
Pain has even become pleasurable
I feel sick
God help me!!
God please end me!!!
God forsake me already!!
God please end me!!!
I feel siiickkkk!!
I feel siiiickckkk!!!!!


4. LINGERING IMPULSES

"Repeated visions of cutting up, jabbing the knife into my face
Slice away until there is nothing left
Keep going
Go further
Cut the meat clean off the bone
Break through the bone
Never enough"
Itching and scratching peeling off the skin
The burning feeling and cutting off of flesh is so delectable
Flesh getting stuck underneath my finger nails
Blood dripping down my limbs
I want to tear off every piece of me


5. DISCARDED GRATITUDE

I just keep hoping that I die, keep hoping that I die, hoping that I die
The maggots want to live, they want to take advantage of my life and throw me away like an unfinished meal
Unfuckingrateful fucking scum
"I am grateful for death
I am grateful that this life does not last forever
I am ungrateful for life
I am ungrateful that this life lasts at all
I'm hanging, I'm hanging, I'm choking, I'm choking, I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm smiling, I'm smiling, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you."


6. REPERCUSSION

I was a child once
Wasn't I a child?
Lost
Thrown into flames
Wishful thinking thinking tears could put out the fire
All that's left are ashes
And although I may still continue to breathe, in the back of my mind, it echoes for an eternity...
"It is not too late, you can still kill yourself before it gets worse
End it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now end it now..."


7. RETROSPECTIVE NIGHTMARE I

I never saw myself as being the way I am now
I am not the man I had envisioned
This is not the life I had seen for myself to live
I have so many faces anymore
I never know who I am anymore
I hear inside my mind my childhood fall to its knees crying out in such mournful wails I have to cut it off with the likes of severing my limbs with a saw for I cannot bare it

In hindsight subconsciously I have set myself up for torment
Genetically I was born into it
Creating pain to inspire more suffering to endure
Pain is my savior


8. RETROSPECTIVE NIGHTMARE II

Have I become a monster?
Have I become evil?
Somehow I am able to disguise myself...
Not only in front of others, but in front of myself as well
What have I become!?
Do I feel because I relate or do I relate because I feel
I've become the ghost of the ghost of myself
Horrible visions and hallucinations will cloud my mind...
I am unsure if they are even horrible, but instead are distant perceptions only attainable by myself...
No one ever sees what I see...


9. UNWAVERING DEVOTION

These notations find their way beneath the surfaces of words spoken
I cannot deny the piercing truth as it travels through my ears until it is cutting through my heart

Bleeding from the inside out

My mouth waters at the anticipation of ignition

Inevitable was it for myself to take pleasure in suffering

With such inadequate merriment surrounding me whenever the notion does present itself, it makes me ill to the point of regurgitation

"Tears building up
Becoming difficult to breathe
Coughing
Hyperventilating
Dry heaving
Puke it up, puke it out
I want to be rid of this feeling
This consumption
I am being consumed
Make it stop
Please just make it stop."
Never let it stop

Life doesn't seem real without ruination

Life doesn't feel sincere without desolation