DISC 1

1. ON THE BRINK

I can't move, I can't sleep
I can't eat, I can't breathe
Without pain

I feel weak, I feel trapped
I feel tired, I feel sapped
Once again

I am done, I am gone
I am spent, I am drawn
To the brink

Every time this happens
I lose the ground I've gained
If this is what my life is
Complaints can't be contained

I'm beat down, I'm held up
I'm held down, I'm beat up
Is there nothing I can do?
I'm led right, I'm pulled wrong
I'm pushed right, I'm dead wrong
If I admit that I am through

I was strong, I was me
I was whole, I was free
Without pain

I want hope, I want time
I want health, I want life
Once again

I need help, I need you
I need peace, I need to
Live again

Every time this happens
I should be more aware
It's nothing I can't handle
Even though it seems unfair

I'm beat down, I'm held up
I'm held down, I'm beat up
Is there nothing I can do?
I'm led right, I'm pulled wrong
I'm pushed right, I'm dead wrong
If I admit that I am through

Evaluating, complicating, accelerating to the brink
Accumulating, calculating, substantiating at the brink
Negotiating, meditating, separating on the brink
Retaliating, isolating, evaporating from the brink
Hallucinating, regulating, medicating to the brink
Disintegrating, speculating, fluctuating at the brink
Concentrating, navigating, suffocating on the brink
Operating, supplicating, liberating from the brink

I have faith, I have will
I have strength, I have still
To overcome

I won't stop, I won't break
I won't lose, I won't take
Anymore

I will stand, I will fight
I will try, I will right
What is wrong

Every time this happens
I know what I derive
I always receive strength from you
That helps me to survive

I'm beat down, I'm held up
I'm held down, I'm beat up
But there's something I can do
I'm led right, I'm pulled wrong
I'm pushed right, I'm dead wrong
If I think I won't pull through


2. HOMEWARD BOUND

I had to leave, I had to escape
That dreary life I led
Its weight was crushing
Down upon me

I had no place in mind when I left
So I hit the road, headed west
How the world just opened up
Right before my eyes

Is this all life is meant to be,
Just another cog in the big machine?

This is the place, now is the time
You'd better act now
Or life will pass you by
What is the point if there's no joy inside
A meaningless life is no life at all

My vision was filled with water and sand
Light danced across the shore
And waves came crashing
As if they were greeting a friend

Took off my shoes and went for a swim
The water called me on
I followed its melody
Plunged right into the unknown

This is how life is meant to be
Just another dreamer living my dream

This is the place, now is the time
You'd better act now
Or life will pass you by
What is the point if there's no joy inside
A meaningless life is no life at all


3. PAWN II

You treat me like a pawn
Is that what I am?
I have nothing left inside
And you don't give a damn

You keep me in check with a look
My move is stalled
The game reads like an open book
I've been positioned to fall

Tell me how you can say that you love me
When the only thing you love is control
Tell me how I can stay when you hurt me
When the things that you say take their toll

I need to see the end of you
Controlling me and haunting me
I want to see what I can do
Away from here, away from you
I need to make my last move
Get out of here and see it through
I'll be free without your noose
And not a pawn for you to use

I'm waiting patiently
For a chance to get out of this trap
When the hold that you have
Loosens its grip from my life

I've hesitated far too long
And I'm afraid to be alone
I'm afraid that when I break away
I'll be lost without a home

Tell me how you can say that you love me
When the only thing you love is control
Tell me how I can play when you beat me
When the moves that you make strip my soul

I need to see the end of you
Controlling me and haunting me
I want to see what I can do
Away from here, away from you
I need to make my last move
Get out of here and see it through
I'll be free without your noose
And not a pawn for you to use

I'm going down that lonely road
I have to get out on my own
I hope the place that my path ends
Is a place that I've never been

In my life I've made mistakes
And now I'm drowning in their wake
Checkmate doesn't mean I'm through
Only that I'm through with you

The sting of your words still burns me
The scar of emotion is too deep to heal
Your move has become failed strategy
As the prison that you built burns down

I need to see the end of you
Controlling me and haunting me
I want to see what I can do
Away from here, away from you
I need to make my last move
Get out of here and see it through
I'll be free without your noose
And not a pawn for you to use


4. FACES

Side by side in a throng of people
Yet somehow I'm feeling alone
Never liked the situation
Never dealt with isolation

A desolate wasteland
Teeming with countless people
It is an effort to withstand
The assault of their endless silence

Swimming in a sea of faces
Faces moving to a sea of places
Places to go, just crowded spaces
Spaces to run in futile races

The streets might as well be empty
It's not like anyone is talking
Just hurrying on their way
Acting as if there's nothing to say

Infinite as sand
They stream down every street
And I am witnessing firsthand
The results of their endless silence

Swimming in a sea of faces
Faces moving to a sea of places
Places to go, just crowded spaces
Spaces to run in futile races

In a boat with just one oar
Another person they'd ignore
The tide pulls me in
But to what avail?

Fruitlessness in success
Nothingness in surety
Hollowness in substance
Worthlessness in riches
Living, but to no avail

Swimming in a sea of faces
Faces moving to a sea of places
Places to go, just crowded spaces
Spaces to run in futile races


5. 38TH FLOOR

Here I am again
On the 38th floor
The view is good
But my mind is out the door

Staring at a screen all day
There's no further I can sink
Can't help but think
I've somehow flushed my life away

Every day the same
Every meeting a corporate game
I wouldn't be surprised
If my boss doesn't know my name

I don't know myself
I can't stand who I've become
Coerced by fear
Pressure and strain forced my career

Get me out of here
Take me to a place where I can see
Something different
Than what's in front of me
Silence my fear
That I'm not where I should be
That the door that was closed
It was closed by me

If only I had another chance
To go back to the point
Where I was scared to take the risk
So I abandoned what I love

If only I had another shot
To go back where my soul was bought
And sold by a poor decision
My now wouldn't need revision

And every day I get so bored
Nothing seems to change
The doubt about the choice I made
Rings like thunder in the rain

I'm just a grain of sand
On an endless beach
Another face in the crowd
I could have held the playing hand
That took me out of the mundane's reach
And walked the path my dreams allowed

Instead I've got another meeting
Gotta keep the company strong
The boss has asked for overtime
He'll make sure the day drags on

What have I done?
Where have I gone?
Everything and everywhere I knew was wrong
What have I seen?
Where are my dreams?
Nothing and nowhere but a computer screen

Here I am again
On the 38th floor
The view is good
As I'm walking out the door

One choice that cost so much
Made life unrecognizable
But I have another chance
To make my goal realizable

I can't undo what's been done
But I have to try to fix what's wrong
To let my dreams be my guide
They now refuse to be denied
I may not find the way back out
Of the mess I've made but I'm about
To swallow pride ‘cause I'm walking out
The time is now to change my life


DISC 2

1. FACADE

If your heart is not in it
Then neither are you
Just because you said you would
Doesn't mean you'll follow through

I hear what you say
But I see what you do
And the things that I see
Prove your words are untrue

There are too many people
Who are getting off track
Too many friends
Not watching my back
It seems I'm in this alone
And I'm losing the desire
To be the only one to step up
And get burned by the fire

Give it your heart
And give it your soul
If you can't give this
Then you'll hit the road
Give me a break
It's not a one-man show
If you don't pull your weight
You'll be let go

You say you're on my side
That I can count on you
But when I need your help
You never follow through

Is there anyone left I can trust?
It's something that's never come easy
Is there anyone left that's not just
Looking for something that's free?

There are too many problems
Not ever getting solved
Too many solutions
Where you weren't involved
I guess it's all up to me
Everything is still the same
You not keeping your word
Me always getting the blame
Give it your heart
And give it your soul
If you can't give this
Then you'll hit the road
Give me a break
I can't give anymore
If you don't pull your weight
I'll show you the door

You're committed at first
When things aren't at their worst
But when things get tougher
I'm the one who has to suffer
Should I be surprised?

You promised to take on the load
Not to stall and be towed
Now the weight is pressing down
And you're giving me the run around
Should I be surprised?

When I ask you where you stand
You say you stand with me
What have you done to show it?
When I asked you what you planned
You always said to me
“You know I'll never quit.”
Should I be surprised?

There are too many people
Who are getting off track
Too many friends
Not watching my back
It seems I'm in this alone
And I'm losing the desire
To be the only one to step up
And get burned by the fire

Give it your heart
And give it your soul
If you can't give this
Then you'll hit the road
Give me a break
It's not a one-man show
If you don't pull your weight
You'll be let go


2. SKELTONS

I'm lost inside my thoughts
No expression on my face
Reeling from my father's rage
And the anger inside his head
Point a finger at the innocent
Yell how I'm to blame
For all your insecurities
And for your endless shame

Does it make you feel better?
Does it ease the pain?
Does it help you feel secure
By acting so insane?

Don't lay your skeletons on me
Don't say I'm just like you
Your secrets are excuses to hurt me
But they can't excuse you
Don't take your problems out on me
I'm not a mess like you
Don't let your skeletons haunt me
They're only meant for you

I'm numb from what he said
His venomous words stuck in my head
My father won't get off my back
Just another malicious attack

Does it make you feel better?
Does it ease the pain?
Does it help you feel secure
By acting so insane?
Don't lay your skeletons on me
Don't say I'm just like you
Your secrets are excuses to hurt me
But they can't excuse you
Don't take your problems out on me
I'm not a mess like you
Don't let your skeletons haunt me
They're only meant for you


3. ESTRANGED

Ever since you found him
And he lost you
Your life has never been the same
The ease with which he said goodbye
Has left the bitter taste of pain

But feelings deceive
And can sometimes be brief
Until they slip away, fade away
And nothing is left to take their place
But a memory of how things might be

What can you do
When someone decides they're over you?
Is there a way
To forget the past and move on today?
His words haunt you still
And you don't feel like you'll be okay

Now you are alone and afraid
That better times won't be remade
That where you are will never change
That you and love are still estranged

You've never felt as far away
As you do right now
You want a brand new start
You've been hiding in your room all day
Never letting time do its part

What can you do
When someone decides they're over you?
Is there a way
To forget the past and move on today?
His words haunt you still
And you don't feel like you'll be okay

Now you are alone and afraid
That better times won't be remade
That where you are will never change
That you and love are still estranged

So you step with fear
Into everything you do
There's no sense at all in laying yourself bare
You can't see why
You're not someone he'd pursue
Now you wish you could make yourself not care

What can you do
When someone decides they're over you?
Is there a way
To forget the past and move on today?
His words haunt you still
And you don't feel like you'll be okay

So you'll be alone and afraid
You don't want to be hurt again
You never want to feel this way
You're not the same as you were then


4. DELIRIUM

(instrumental)


5. Part 1 - NO CHANCE

He was never there for me
He rarely looked my way
When he'd come home tired from work
He never had a thing to say

And if he ever spoke to me
It was always in anger
When I tried to speak to him
He'd treat me like a stranger

What kind of father hits his son,
Takes out his pain on everyone?
Thinks only of himself, like he's the only one
Who exists in the world that needs someone

What chance did I have
Of turning out right?
I never learned a thing at home
That could help me with my life
Always being yelled at
And deprived of any fun
That childhood should consist of
Never loved by anyone

She always shot me down
With a bullet from her mouth
She made me feel so guilty
If I wanted to leave the house

She'd disregard everyone
In a power-hungry spree
Clean the house like a psycho
Driven by her OCD

What kind of mother neglects her son,
Puts down her child, says he's no one?
Thinks only of herself and if her house is clean
Wants nothing more than status and prestige

What chance did I have
Of turning out right?
I never learned a thing at home
That could help me with my life
Always being yelled at
And deprived of any fun
That childhood should consist of
Never loved by anyone

No chance of having self-esteem
No chance when rage is a constant theme
No chance of showing love for their son
No chance when they think about themselves or else no one
No chance when innocence is reviled
No chance when blame is placed upon a child
No chance if good examples can't be found
No chance if parents do not want to be around


6. Part 2 - REALIZATION

The news dropped like a bomb
And I felt numb inside
How could I get cancer?
I pleaded for God to give me an answer

The diagnosis compelled me
To look back at my life
What I saw brought sorrow
A troubled past and a bleak tomorrow

My life is such a tragedy
The common theme is misery
Now my end is drawing near
They say I'll die within the year

I look inside and see my parents' ghosts
I've become the thing I hated most
The pain is tearing me in two
The guilt is burning me right through

Why did it take something like this
To make me realize I'm just like them?
I treat my kids unfairly, I know them just barely
I've never shown caring, I'm sure that they hate me

I look inside and see my parents' ghosts
I've become the thing I hated most
The pain is tearing me in two
The guilt is burning me right through

Is it too late to make amends?
Is it too late to forgive my sins?
Will my kids even care when I'm dead?
Am I ever a thought in their heads?


7. Part 3 - REMEBER ME HANDS

I know that I'm committed to change
Change is something that will take time
Time is stealing away from me
My chance to become what I should be
My chance to become

I don't have time
To gain their trust
I want to prove
They have my love
I hope my death
Will make them weep
But I fear their wounds
Have run too deep

Time is against me
They're better off without me
But before I meet my death
I will use my every breath
To tell them I was wrong
And to change who I've become
So that when I'm gone
Someone will remember me

I asked each one for their forgiveness
I acknowledged that I had failed them all
I have to mend the damage caused
But change takes longer than I thought
But change takes so long

I don't have strength
To give enough
I want to show
I'm serious
I hope my life
Is far from gone
But I fear my chance
Has been withdrawn

Time is against me
They're better off without me
But before I meet my death
I will use my every breath
To tell them I was wrong
And to change who I've become
So that when I'm gone
Someone will remember me

I'm free
I have redemption
It is in remission
And I'll make good my second chance
I'm free
I have recognition
I'm in transition
To the man I want to be


8. Part 4 - IN MY H

Too often life, it slips away
And failures can't be rectified
Everyone makes some mistakes
But I would have died unsatisfied

I saw myself at my very core
I don't want to be that anymore
Now I see through different eyes
I see the way that I have hurt their lives

Chains broken and left in the past
Bonds of my parents are gone at last
I've let go of who I've been
Escaped the prison they put me in

As I hold my life in my hands
I'll make good my second chance
Finally when I meet my end
I can be proud of who I am

Can't let memories haunt me
Unjustified actions taunt me
I have too much to repair
For all the years I was unfair

My redemption has just begun
And I know it will be hard
But I know that who I am
Is the person I should have been

Bonds broken and left in the past
Chains of the cycle are gone at last
Now I decide who I will be
No cloud of darkness hanging over me

As I hold my life in my hands
I'll make good my second chance
Finally when I meet my end
I can be proud of who I am

I will never again be the man I've been


9. Part 5 - REDEMPTION

(Instrumental)