1. IN TORMENT - PART 1

And the angel said to me, your time is coming
Whispered tell me about yourself
I sat down and clasped my clumsy hands
The silence accompanies me in torment
I lose my mind in the company of fireflies
I open the chests of my memory
How many chests have I gathered in my head?
How many times will I recall it?
The shovel is heavy, it sinks into the soft ground
The deeper I drive it, the more the ground soaks with blood

It fills my pen and soaks into the paper
Written in my head like secret signs
And with each movement of my hand, my body recoils
More shadow from the lamp, more blood on my clothes
The lamp grows dimmer, as if it doesn't want to see
Casting the shadow of insect corpses, on the walls of the presbytery

And the angel said to me, your time is coming
Whispered warmly, tell me about yourself
And every hour I shrink more and more,
I'm dust for eternity, a moth in an extinguished lamp


2. OUT OF HABIT

Time is inexorably running out
Involuntarily whispering familiar words
Drinking the scents of incense through the
Bars
Roses scattered under the feet of the chasubles
And only the scream of silence blasts your head
Old age among the flowers left behind
Mocking secrets among grasses unmowed
Your hands the same, though already gray
Folded in prayer but dirty forever
Among the flowers left behind...
Folded in prayer! Dirty forever!

So why do I follow you on the dark path of suffering?
Why do I fall into a river of vile deeds for you?
Why are the nails in my hands so cold?
Can I hear the truth from your mouth for once?
Are the slippery hands always holy?
Is it really so easy to deceive me?
All your wrongs shout in my head!

Tears drip with mercy through those you touched
As I hear the quiet, involuntary sobs
Deeper and deeper a pattern is forged
Is this the way it should be, will it stay this way?
Day after day I get used to it, feeding the venom to daily life
With hands soiled with a slimy mass
Once the dirty secrets were astonishing
The scream of silence that used to tear my head apart
Today it soothes my heart, it gives me satisfaction
Miserere nostri!!! Domine!!!
Miserere nostri!!!!!!! Domine!!!!!!
In nomine patris, in nomine patris


3. WITH ADORATION

Out of love for you, driven by a decree of the soul
I give you my heart, give you my body
Lying on the floor in front of the holy altar
Out of love for you! Decree of the soul

I am quietly lying with delight admired
By the priests
I can feel the proud purple rulers of the world
Looking at me!

I feel like they deliberately entrust me with their secrets
I want to shout before everyone that
I am becoming a superhuman lord

From now on, what my eyes will see
Is what my body will feel
When they forgive me all my sins
When my mind is free

I can come out of hiding
I can rule souls and I know one thing:
I will not betray you
I will not abandon my faith
I will not abandon the cross
I will not give in to unbelief
I praise you for your glory


Here I am, good and sweetest jesus
I ask you and I beg you
To implant the most vivid feelings
Of faith into my heart
Hope and love and true
Repentance for my sins

Out of love for you, out of the decree of the soul
I give you my heart, give you my body
You are the support, till you drop
Like a swiss guard protecting
Every crime will remain a hidden secret


4. IN TORMENT - PART 2

I am the dust of eternity, a moth in an extinguished lamp
Covered with memories on a dark rotten veranda
Surrounded by a lake of bloodied lawn
Where I planted the flowers of innocent souls
That bloom in my head when the darkness comes

And when the steel of the heavy gate creaks in the distance
Quoting ominous litanies in the wind
The rustling grasses point a finger at me
Insects around the light whisper fearfully of me
The old chair is silent together with the table

And the rusty chalice looks sadly into nothingness
Only the gold on my finger glitters with a familiar sparkle

Rustling grasses, filthy lawn
Soaks with blood, moth in the lamp
Insect corpses pointing at me
Sacra doctrina, sacra

Like a lighthouse on the sea, among the boundless mists
That once showed me how not to get lost in this world
It shone with love from the abyss of dirt
Like a polar star in a clear sky

Today you can't see it, covered with a bloody veil
Now, deluding myself,
Maybe hope will bring comfort at dawn


5. FROM NOTHINGNESS

On the hot day, the grime of crumpled paint
Falls off the walls whispering a little sluggish
And the sun pierces the spider webs
Squeezes with sound into tight spaces

From the walls painted in the old days
Faces dusty with the passing of time are gazing down
Sometimes smiling, sometimes quietly sobbing
Unable to turn their heads or close their eyes

The floor strewn like a bed of contempt
Cold, musty, unwashable
The drops from the face, flowing slowly
Remain forever, soaked up by the planks

They are like monuments, like brandings
Pierce the darkness, disappear into nothingness

They are like a stigma, like a scars on my face
They stay forever and lull me to sleep
And only cunning mice, whispering stealthily
Stories that are both horrible and interesting

Running among the screams, the groans of throats
They sometimes touching a dusty, filthy cassock

Remembering the smells of incense and moldy crumbs
Wafers fallen, trampled into the floor
And the torn garments lying side by side
Reflected in the mirror of despair

Whisper quietly among themselves, will the end ever come?


6. IN TORMENT - PART 3

The consolation will come at dawn
Maybe my fate will be different by then
Maybe I’ll be able to live my fate in other ways
Maybe I’ll look in the hidden mirror

Or forgotten I’ll seep into the earth flattened down
With a shovel
Once the pen spits out the last letters
The clouds will crumble, wrap themselves with their strength
And the faithful shovel driven into little souls
It will rot with the rust of old age somewhere
Far away from people

The moon will look deeper and deeper into my eyes
But it will not reflect the light, it will weaken in impotence
Only the intrusive chests dug into my head
Creak mercilessly carried by angels

Like a sack of bricks tied around my neck
They drag me down into the pit
And the night, once again, will scream louder and louder
As the church clock strikes soundlessly
And as it counts down the hours until dawn
The ink will dry on the earthly plain

And only a few more words will ring out
To get by until dawn
The confessor said to me: go and sin no more
My new world has dawned
The harmony of joy is in my soul again

I know that with time it'll be gone and its shine will fade
I'll bury the next chest in torment
And the angel said to me, your time is coming
And whispered warmly, tell me about yourself


7. WITH DEVOTION

You still look at me when I fall to (my) knees
Every day at dawn, with devotion
And you look at me after dark
When I wash away the dirt of the day... With a prayer

In a clean robe like a loyal servant
I flee into blissful sleep
The morning is idyllic, inspired by love
I begin my holy day

Today I will praise the name of the lord
The name of the lord I will humbly pronounce
I go out with hope the filthiness strikes
Under a black sky no one demands love
Under a black sky nobody believes the truth
Under a black sky nothing will ever change
Like an inspired conqueror I fire up my desires
Under my gaze all resistance is extinguished
Heaven and hell!

Spilled blood mixes with sand
Sometimes you see that anger in my eyes
The anger mixed with dread, mixed with fear
And it's only sometimes that madness calls to me
Sometimes you want me to be tender
But you see blood-grey hands clenched into fists
And these are just the moments when the anger is madness

I am the fuse, you are the match
I'm the wood you're the spark
You still look at me when I fall to knees
Every day at dawn, every day in chains
Locked in your words, locked in my imagination
In the guidance of the wise, in the oracles of the saints


8. IN TORMENT - PART 1 / W UDRĘCE - CZĘŚĆ 1

I rzekł mi anioł, czas twój nadchodzi
I szepnął ciepło, opowiedz o sobie
Usiadłem na ganku, splotłem swe niezgrabne ręce
A cisza dookoła towarzyszy mi w udręce
Rozum znów swój tracę w towarzystwie świetlików
Otwierając skrzynie w pamięci zakopane łopatą
Ile skrzyń tych zgromadziłem w głowie
Ile razy, przypomnę to sobie?
Łopata jest ciężka, wchodzi w miękką ziemię
Im głębiej ją wbijam tym krwią grunt bardziej namaka

Napełnia me pióro I przesiąka na papier
Zapisany w mej głowie jak tajemne znaki
A z każdym ruchem dłoni, moje ciało się wzbrania
Więcej cienia z lampy, więcej krwi na ubraniach
Lampa z czasem przygasa, jakby chciała być ślepa
Rzucając cień trupów owadów, na mury prezbiterium

I rzekł mi anioł, czas twój nadchodzi
I szepnął ciepło, opowiedz o sobie
A z każdą godziną coraz bardziej się kurczę
Jestem pyłem dla wieczności, ćmą w zgaszonej lampie