1. THE OMINOUS MIND

Destiny has failed to see and the earth seems like a shell, for there is no escape
I wept for the world, I witness its end
Drowning in a flood of emptiness, I fall
There is no single shadow, the madness is combined
Dawning fears are sweeping and the sanity is leaving
Whatever is left of living will be annihilated
Terror, woes, friends and foes
No one cares and no one knows
The ominous mind
Faces come and go but memories, they stay
A torturous disease is born inside my veins so hollow
I wish I had died, yes, in my mother’s womb
I would not have existed and I would be serene
Bitterness, anger draws near
It stays with me, oh death come here
Time to reflect on what went wrong
And 30 years of this is not an easy thing
Kindness has gone where I cannot see
I’m longing for a place prohibited to me
No entrance for me, for this is cruelty


2. ESCAPING DEATH UNTO LIFE

Time away from sunlight and day will make a man like me insane
Seasons pass, no rest at night, I reach for relief no ending in sight
Toward escaping this life of suffering and strife, no answer to plight
So many dark trials and tribulations
I must be escaping death
Unclean things attack my peace
Their lies are vile, instilling great fear
What must I do to be saved?
Where is death? Where is your sting?
Fear is replaced and covered by grace
Bondage to chains, the torture intense
The sin held me down but now I am free
I have my fate, Christ took my place
He took my place


3. HOME SWEET MENTAL HOME

Strapped and cornered by those who shudder at my behavior
Constant reminder of a past of trauma, my brain is useless
Home sweet home, mental home
Thrown away into a dark cell to rot so slowly
They say they loved me, no action taken to show compassion
Home sweet home, mental home
Endless ward, fully alone
Diagnosed anxiety – fluctuate – medicate
No hope of healing, normality is a dream
I remember just what you said that cut me so deep
My body image, it has been slaughtered thanks to your mocking stares
I hate life when challenged, I try to stay so sane
I hate life when it burns
Home sweet home, mental home
Sometimes I wonder and start to ponder, is there a way to die?
Not painfully, yet seriously, I threaten with my words
I choose my weapon against my body, someone please help me
I have no peace, I feel no solace
I’m locked in here, no end
I hate life when challenged, I hate life when it burns


4. LONELINESS IS TORTURE

Do you know the experience of emptiness? I am sure that you do
Every time I swallow the medication, I feel the hurt of the past
Emptiness kills
Scars tell my stories
Nights so dark and lonely
Time runs so slowly
Someone please help me
Damage to cells from all that I drink
I’ll probably get liver cancer, I think
I hate the world and I despise my life
The bitterness won’t go away
Living torment
Urge to rebel – there goes my flesh – spirit is weak – terror I speak - anxiety
No solace – never loved – hate is real – mentally ill
This seems unreal, like a nightmare
I will have this malady until death


5. TORMENT IN ISOLATION

Emptiness stranded in torment
Bed of pain, wasting of life
Traumatized, left in the past
Horrid days never ending
Shutting down, disability
When will God deliver me?
Hope derails, self medication
So it seems God has left me
Time again with this trend
Vomiting excess sadness
Here again, here to die
Fear of man, dissolution of pride
Smile, yet eaten inside
No solution in sight
Years away, I must wait
Weep and mourn, the hurt, it stays
Anger is real for bitter men
Love is dead and feelings betray
Fear this beast, abdication of pride
Smile, yet eaten inside
No solution in sight
Pray this night, and seek the light
Even then, I’ll raise my plight
Wait for aid to arrive knowing it won’t come
Smile, yet eaten inside
No solution in sight
Concepts rise foreign to me
Most likely caused by demons
Why must they engage in war knowing well they will soon die?
They persist injecting their lies
Causing me potent anguish
Prompting me to stay in silence
Neverending
Pray this night, and seek the light
Even then, I’ll raise my plight
Unto you, I cast myself, your mercy stands, damnation fails
In Christ alone, those nine inch nails
The Son of God, to Him the hails


6. GRAVE OF A THOUSAND NIGHTS

(Instrumental)


7. THE SUFFERING SERVANT

Wail, in silence
That day of violence
His wrath fell on the Son
I stared and joined the crowd
I, a sinner, crucified the savior with all mankind
Who is this man they hung on a tree?
And buried to rest to set the captives free
Who is this God who did not spare his Son?
By royal decree He willed to save some
Justice, Mercy, Power, Mighty God, Satisfied, Jesus Christ rose again
Failed to save myself
And time, the end is near
Repent, take up your cross
Behold, new life is here
I, a killer, crucified the savior with all mankind
Who is this God who did not spare his Son?
By royal decree He willed to save some
By royal decree He willed to save some
Suffering servant, wise beyond words
Highly exalted, worthy of praise
Suffering servant, lamb that was slain
You shall return on the final day