1. CONSISTENCY

On the subject of difficulty, I can't stop giving in. And the more I let go of the more I give up a part of me. I want a life I love living, where I never wait for a applause. Where I pick flowers in the rain, and never have to numb the pain. But it’s getting harder to sympathize with myself. And I'm sick and tired of making a joke of my health. I'm tired of making excuses. I've had enough. But this isn’t a matter of protest, there’s something that needs to change. But the more I look inward, I realize I've got nothing left to arrange. I want consistency of a matter of mind. I want my decisions to feel like mine.


2. BURY ME

If I could pretend that I was getting better, I thought that it would make up for how I am. But I’ve always been indifferent. I was there when you felt worn out, but now I feel alone. And if you’re waiting for a sign from me then there must be something you don’t know. The walls are caving in; it’s getting harder to breathe. The lights are out, but you’re still in disbelief. If there's not enough for me, then I won’t have enough for you. So we can’t keep turning pages, without reading this through and through. I could tell you about getting better, but I’ll never know if I don’t change. But if you bury me in your soil, then you might see brighter days. But you’re still in disbelief. But it’s okay for me to feel nothing, and when I’m alone I’ve had to wait, for the nights to end; for a chance to sleep. And it’s okay to release all of this pent up rage, because when all's said and done, there’s no way I will say I'm sorry. But I will wait. I can’t say how long it’s been, since I’ve felt like I’ve wanted to live.


3. TO DUST

There’s a piece of me, that’s a piece of you, but its long forgotten. And somehow I’ve never asked, “Could this be why I’m sorry?” Because I have never known, is that why we’re departing? We don’t speak any longer, because we don’t see eye to eye. So if you want an apology, you’ll have to wait for another time. I’m breaking down. I’m breaking. I’m sick and tired of holding on, to the past things that I loved. And I still don’t know, if I’m asking the right questions. Because I still don’t know if I’ve heard what I need to forgive.


4. CLOSED DOORS

I can see our people drowning. They were told they could be anything. But as they fight for life, the world is crumbling around them. All I wanted was to love. All I ever did was dream. But now I'm barely able to breathe. And my world is slowly dying.


5. COWARDICE

I keep asking why? That there’s no life in her. But when she told me my throat locked up. I could only stare at her and say, “I’m sorry.” I keep asking why. There’s no place for you. I hate that she was there on that night. How could you live with yourself? There’s no reason for this to have happened. You think you still have a place in her home. And you still come up every time that she cries. And there’s no fixing what you’ve broken down and harmed. I have to bite my tongue when she looks at me so empty. I have no sympathy. You’re the thought that I grind my teeth on. I can’t help her. I’m in hell. Coward, coward, I will never let you face her. Coward, coward, you’re the one thing that’s left her vacant. Liar, beggar, coward, coward. You fucking took her life, and you left her to be a survivor. You can’t apologize for this. You will never have forgiveness, and I hope you rot to death.


6. THE DISTANCE GROWS FONDER

They were just kids, when I left them. And they loved me, but I turned my back on them. They were my world, but I couldn’t help feeling cornered. Keeping my feelings at bay, is making me sick each passing day. What could I have done? I’ve been asking god if it’s worth my time to apologize. Is it worth my time? To apologize. I can’t move on, and I’m sorry. If you get to grow up without ever having to see them fight, the way I see it I can justify running away. Because if I cause separation and I tear your family apart, then you’ll never have a chance to grow up having a pure heart. And it hurts so bad to see you grow, and see you move away. And to keep walking the straightest path, I’ll convince myself that this pain will fade. If forgiveness is ever the topic, then I’ll have that discussion with you. But forgetting might be the best answer, if that means you’ll never know the truth. And I know that it’s awful for me to disappear, but if I made you suffer longer, then you’d never have a reason to move on.


7. THE INVISIBLE THREAD

If we were meant to be, then I was meant to suffer. But on my darkest nights I trace my path in dreams, along this lonely thread that only leads to her. This invisible thread that only leads to her.


8. BLOSSOM

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing when I looked deep into her eyes. She was telling me a story with that iridescent shine. From the way that her smile crept from cheek to cheek, I could tell that she was the one, who could save me from me. I know it was harder the more you got to know me. I came with so much. I’m like a never ending story. And I know it was hard, the more you got to know me. It’s a place I’ve never been because it took me by mistake. I can’t support myself so I’m asking you to stay. I don’t care how far we’ve gotten; there’s a reason I still wish for you, when my mind’s in disarray. There’s too much there between us for us to throw it all away. Please don’t forget me, I’m begging you to come closer to me. So come closer to me. Please come closer to me. I can’t live without you. I’ve never loved like I love you. I guess this is all it takes to feel better, and all this time I thought I needed an escape. So come closer to me, so I can show you the care that you’ve shown me. And let’s walk on, stronger than ever, we will be infinity.