1. WHITE MUMS CAN'T CHUGG

My mother's always asking me to write her a song
“A nice song with acoustic guitar...
You’ve got such a beautiful voice why don't you use it more?”
She doesn’t understand the can of worms she's opening

She isn’t down with the chugg
Not up for the beat down
She isn’t proud of me stood in my room with my crown
For the fear of the Chugg Lord I’m never giving up this style
It’s Levi’s time bitch
Follow or get left behind

You think I’m gonna motherfucking let you down?
No one’s ever gonna change how we fucking sound
We have a God on our backs so it’s hard to relax
We have to do what he said or this time is our last
You must believe in the Chugg to be worthy
Please believe in me

We are the chosen ones
And we’re not selling out
No matter how much we upset our fucking parents
Mum doesn’t get it
Dad says he never will
As long as we wake up tomorrow
We’ll chugg until we die

We are going back to our roots because we understand
“This is no better song than the first song or EP that a band releases: Proctologist
So rest assured the rest of this is gonna sound
As lit as that EP was
We’ll entertain the trends enough to ensure all the Chuggalos fall in line with us

You think I'm gonna motherfucking let you down?
No Chuggalos the king is back with the wrath and the passion
Which made you fall in love in the first place
How dare you suggest that the pressure of the industry might get to us
We're edgy as fuck
You wanna be us
You fucks
Get on your knees and chugg with all you've got

We are the chosen ones
And we’re not selling out
No matter how much we upset our fucking parents
Mum doesn’t get it
Dad says he never will
As long as we wake up tomorrow
We’ll chugg until we die

As I drag my body through the results of all the decisions that I have made
My spirit lays consumed within the wake of my mistakes
I spend my life trying my best, but my endeavours are not enough
My creations hacked apart by the people that I love
Everyone's an expert and advise me on the route my life should take
"You've got such a beautiful voice, it’s such a shame, it's such a waste"
They tell me I could be the next Olly Murrs, or a more retarded Gareth Gates
Well to that I have something I need to say

I'm taking back control
My life is in my hands
These decisions are my own
What do you want from me
I got straight C’s and D’s
Except Geography
You're not the boss of me now

We are the chosen ones
And we’re not selling out
No matter how much we upset our fucking parents
Mum doesn’t get it
Dad says he never will
As long as we wake up tomorrow
We’ll chugg until we die


2. THNKS FR TH MNY

Another band to add onto your list
We're fucking selling out
We're fucking selling out

So bang your head and let me see those fists
We're fucking selling out
We're fucking selling out, bitch

I'm so depressed, where do we go next?
They say we peaked with Zodiac Arrest
We'll throw our dignity aside
We'll swallow all our pride and join the other dad rock guys

You weren't expecting this from us, no
We had integrity, but where else could we go?
We've just put a deposit on our very first van (By selling you shit)
And then pay someone else to drive it

Another band to add onto your list
We're fucking selling out
We're fucking selling out

So bang your head and let me see those fists
We're fucking selling out
We're fucking selling out, bitch

Desperate for press on the hunt for cash
Let's write a viral song, about three minutes long
Kids'll scream while we're playing our radio hit
Then we'll start a circle pit in a part that doesn't fit

The Chuggalos will follow us because they hope
We won't sing all of the scream parts in our show
They might feel let down, but we're sure they'll be just fine
Playing covers of Bon Jovi's a fucking goldmine (Am I right?) Parkway Drive

Another band to add onto your list
We're fucking selling out
We're fucking selling out

So bang your head and let me see those fists
We're fucking selling out
We're fucking selling out, bitch

We're taking music back, negative feedback
Let's just ignore that
Me and my backing track, we're gonna fight back
Check out this fuckin' blejhjhgjhagfjhsd

Another band to add onto your list
We're fucking selling out
We're fucking selling out

So bang your head and let me see those fists
We're fucking selling
We're fucking selling out, bitch


3. MY KICK DRUMS HAVE BEEN TRIGGERED

Stop being a bitch, you're not a unique unicorn
No, the world doesn't revolve around you
Why are you so offended? Fuck it, I'm offended
That you find me offensive, stop bein' so defensive

This is the snowflake generation
Packed full of micro-agressions
We attack issues head-on
Which if pretty good for a metalcore band

If your otherkin half is a fucking mouse
Then everything you say is lunacy
You're not a dragon, you're not a rock
You're not a motherfucking animal stop being an insufferable cock

Kids are being raised to think that other people give a shit
There's no bigger lie than "You're one of a kind"
And it's down to this that you think you're right
Take my advice and follow the Chugg Life

There's such a tendency to seek some sort of sympathy
Please like my post and I won't cut myself tonight
So if you're easily offended, here's your trigger warning

This verse is censored, deemed to offensive when
We pitched this song to a label two days before release and the suit at the table said we're part of the problem
Not being a bitch, but fuck you and your self rightcousness
Stop being a little meanie you meanie, we're not measuring peenies, mussolini
Put down your martini and dictate to me, the direction we should go down, bleh

Oh for fucks sake, I didn't even mention your weight, why the hell should I care that you're stuffing your face
With a motherfucking gallon of butter everyday (I fucking don't)
I'm not a fat-shaming, stigmatizing, xenophobic bigot, I'm under no obligation to affirm your life
It's your right, and that's fine, but it's mine to state that it's getting quite boring

There's such a tendency to seek some sort of sympathy
Please like my post and I won't cut myself tonight
So if you're easily offended, here's your trigger warning

Oh yeeaahh
This song might get us in a bit of trouble but us Chuggalos, we know what the real deal is
So if you actually think that I have time to waste on hating anyone
Then I've got a little song for you, to express how sorry I am that I hurt your precious feelings

Hey you, I don't give a fuck about you
So go and be a little bitch to
Someone else and go fuck yourself
Fuck you bitch

There's such a tendency to seek some sort of sympathy
Please like my post and I won't cut myself tonight
So if you're easily offended, here's your trigger warning

(Trigger warning)
Trigger warning


4. SMOKE RINGS OF SATURN, PT. 2 (THE SQUEAKQUEL)

Burning in the pit of a tandoori oven

Shredding rotting flesh is just a part of life for you
Sacrificial lambs, just a means to an end
Your friday nights are surrendered to the cause
When will they understand

You are the knight of the night that we struggle to pay
We're only here early because we disobeyed
Johnny was far too drunk, so we got turned away
It's quite a shame 'cos Avira might'a got laid

Drowning in a motherfucking rainbow of spices
It's so hypnotising
Hungry like David Blaine, wrapped up in cellophane
Feel like I haven't eaten in a hundered motherfucking days

Full cavity inspection, just to find some loose change
Sink a quid into the fruity, I could be here for days
Give it a spin, what could I win? (Bar - Bar - Lemon)
Ah fuck, I was hoping for 3 sevens

But like a phoenix
I will rise from the ashes of my failures
Let's spin it again
And again, and again, oh fuck

Oh yeah ahahahaaa, it's ChuggaBoom 2017 bitches
What you mean no? I need a kebab!
I don't think you understand

You'll be the death of me, and my band
How could you live with yourself with so much blood on your hands
I'll rip your throat out of your god-damned mouth
And leave it burning in the pit of a tandoori oven

Alright, I might have been rude
But you know how hangry I get I just wanted some food
Look me in the eye or allow me to die
'Cause this is all I need to survive, hahaa yeah

My kebab is burning in the pit of a tandoori oven
Motherfuckin' bleh

I have recieved my kebab
I am eating my kebab
I'm still eating my kebab
I have eaten my kebab


5. MY MECHANICAL ROMANCE

Give me my money back
Give me my money back

Magical machines placed in convenient locations
Containing many things nobody should consume
At the youth club, leisure centre, zoo, they’re always there for you
Until it drops the wrong packet of crisps
Fuck this shit
Sometimes it’s a drink, sometimes it’s a snack
But it’s always gonna end without getting your money back
Pressing “coin return”, Just spits out some bronze
Why am I being tortured? What the fuck have I done wrong?

It’s a sad day for mankind, that Yorkie should be mine
I think stealing is their design, Machines are killing me

So many different types
Some even effortlessly make you hot drinks
(They kinda suck but at least they can do it)
But there is still an issue, they'll burn your fucking tongue off
It’s like taking a sip of molten lava straight from hell
Holy fucking Jesus Christ Who signed off on this shit?
How did this ever get past R&D?
What dickweed thought this was a good idea?
I don’t think I have a mouth anymore
Carl mate, can you take me to the hospital? Oh shit

It’s a sad day for mankind, that Yorkie should be mine
I think stealing is their design, Machines are killing me
I don’t know what to do, I really need an energy boost
I've wasted too much to give up now
And I’m determined to get this to work

What do you want from me?
I've given you 7 fucking pounds and I don't even have any Doritos in my hand right now
I'll give you my fucking soul
Security's told me to stop kicking this shit
So give me my Doritos or give me my money back
Give me my money back

It’s a sad day for mankind, that Yorkie should be mine
I think stealing is their design, Machines are killing me
I don’t know what to do, I really need an energy boost
I've wasted too much to give up now
And I’m determined to get this to work

I’m so angry, I really want a coconut chocolate bar
I will break who ever designed this’s fucking neck
Uururrgsgghhgsdshhhh
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


6. STITCHES & GLITCHES

I had died
What the fuck is this happening?
No way that I could have survived!
How did you wake me up from this peace

My body's decrepit and insects crawl under my skin
It's been months since my blood's been flowing
And you buried me deep below the ground
With a picture of you in my hand

And now you dig me up again
But I don't think you understand
My socks are in tatters, and my hair has turned to dreads
Overgrown toe nails, like Nu Metal was laid to rest

You and I, perhaps we're not meant to be
So I looked for an easy wat out
This was meant to be our remedy
It's a pain we can both do without

I know it's your mother I've tried to abstain
But each day's a battle, surviving on brains
I never never loved you, but I did not want us not to fail
No I'm not rejecting the fact that we couldn't've not drifted away

I'm not the guy you remember, back then
My dietary requirements have changed
And don't worry, I'm not a vegan
You'd know about that by now

My secret's much darker, oh shit
I'm feeding on evil thoughts, ideas and memories
As you're popping the cork, at this Christmas meal
It won't keep me sustained, can I please pick your brains?

You and I, perhaps we're not meant to be
So I looked for an easy wat out
This was meant to be our remedy
It's a pain we can both do without

You and I, perhaps we're not meant to be
So I looked for an easy wat out
This was meant to be our remedy
It's a pain we can both do without

Kill me now, put me back in the ground
(Oh please Lord kill me now)
This was meant to be our remedy
So please kill me now