1. YOU GOTTA TREAT EM LIKE SHIT

You Gotta Treat Em Like Shit!


2. PTSD IS GAY

PTSD Is Gay


3. SOME MEXICANS AREN'T RAPISTS

Roberto Gómez Bolaños as El Chavo.


4. I LIKE THE SOLDIERS WHO DON'T GET CAPTURED

Twenty-Five Thousand
Limp wristed pansies.
Man up, pussies!
I Like The Soldiers Who DON'T Get Captured!


5. MY DAUGHTER IS A PIECE OF ASS

Look at that kid!
Now, that's why Stern and I say
My daughter is a piece of ass.


6. POOR PEOPLE ARE TOO STUPID TO GET A LOAN FROM THEIR PARENTS

Just Ask!
So Dumb!
Poor people are too stupid to get a loan from their parents.
Dummies!
Poor people are too stupid to just ask mom and dad.


7. THERE'S MY AFRICAN-AMERICAN!

There's my Homeboy!
There's my Main Man!
YO!
Did you see that
Latest Madea movie?
BOI!
Can I touch your hair?
Look at my African-American over here!


8. BLOOD COMING OUT OF HER WHEREVER

Blood coming out of her wherever!


9. MEXICAN JUDGES DON'T COUNT

It isn't fair!


10. JOURNALISM IS GAY

Fancy MacBook.
Sissy glasses.
Decaf Latte.
Chiseled asses.
He thinks he's cool just cause he can read.
Cooper!


11. I'D DATE MY DAUGHTER

If Ivanka weren't my daughter,
I'd be
Totally
Macking on that
Hot piece of Trumpiliciousness!


12. GRAB THEM BY THE PUSSY

Grab Them!
By The pussy!
Grab Them!
See a pussy, grab a pussy!
Grab Them!
By The pussy!
Grab it!
Cool!


13. TAKE HIS COAT

Confiscate them!
NO COATS!
Throw 'em out into the cold!


14. BREASTFEEDING IS GAY

You're disgusting!
You're disgusting!
I'm outta here!


15. TED NUGENT IS COOL

Cool!


16. DAVE MUSTAINE IS COOL

Cool!


17. TRUMP TOWER HAS THE BEST TACO BOWLS

Hey, Hispanics!
YO, Hispanics!
Love your culture.
You know what tho?
Trump Tower has the fucking
Best taco bowls on this earth!


18. POLL WATCHER

Patrol the polls!
Watch the polls!
They're rigged, anyway!
Poll watcher.


19. SOME THINGS SADDAM HUSSEIN DID WELL

ou know what
He did well?
Killed terrorists.
He did that so good!
Didn't read their rights.
They didn't talk.
They were terrorists.
Over!
Iraq is Harvard for terrorism


20. CHANGING DIAPERS IS GAY

Acting like the wife!


21. BUILD THAT WALL!

If you ask me very nicely
I might just allow you folks to
Build my wall and then pay for it.
Yeah, I'm just that kinda guy!


22. ALEX JONES IS SMART

They run
Uber!
They run
Health care!
All I know is what’s on the Internet.
Jewish Mafia!


23. I'M IN ASTONISHINGLY EXCELLENT HEALTH

I feel wonderful!
So great!
So good !
I'm, like, really fantastic .
Big league!
Just The best.
I'm in astonishingly excellent health!


24. STAY IN YOUR PENS!

Stay In your pens!
Write what I tell you!
You're all traitors for the JewSA!


25. 9/11 WAS INCONVENIENT FOR ME, PERSONALLY

Thousands were cheering.
Arabs tailgating.
Yelling and dancing.
New Jersey?
Sad!


26. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

Make America great a-fucking-gain!


27. NOBODY RESPECTS WOMEN MORE THAN ME

I love the ladies!


28. HARRIET TUBMAN IS, LIKE, A 3

Pure PC!
Total shit!
Do whats white!
A disgrace!
It's no good!
Hide that face!
Really?
Put Harriet Tubman's face on food stamps!


29. I DEMAND AN APOLOGY

All I've said and
All Ive done and
You've STILL not given thanks!


30. That Makes Me Smart

So Smart!


31. MAMMOGRAMS ARE GAY

It's an excuse to whip out your boobs in front of other chicks


32. NASTY WOMAN

Just look at the way she's talking back
Undignified
Poor Bill


33. BEFORE I PROCEED, I'D LIKE TO HEAR THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT AGAINST CERVICAL CANCER

Is it the kind of thing where you can grab it really hard and it will go away or something?
Yuck!


34. FLIP YOUR PANTIES!

Flip your panties!


35. THE FAT PICTURE

Look at the picture!
Do you remember?
Have to be thinner now,
Or you can't work here.
Have you been slacking?
Hopeful daydreaming?
Still have the evidence of you remaining!
Here in the drawer
Right in your face
Never forget your disgrace!


36. IF I DON'T RESPECT WOMEN, THEN HOW COME I OWN A BEAUTY PAGEANT?

Let's keep it simple, girls.
Rocket scientists need not apply.


37. SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS KNOW SOME WOMEN THAT THEY STILL HAVE YET TO SEXUALIZE

I know some guys.
I don't even think they're gay dudes.
Like Pence for instance.
I mean, I think.


38. THE TRUMP RULE

You cannot escape
The line
As you promenade
For me.
You must learn your proper place!
Ladies?


39. WORKING WIVES

Dangerous idea.
What if I get bored?
When they get uppity,
I say it's time to leave.


40. WHOM I'D SLEEP WITH 2000 (IN ORDER)

Melania Knauss
Ivanka Trump
Princess Diana
Michelle Pfeiffer
Cameron Diaz
Julia Roberts
Cindy Crawford
Mariah Carey
Gwyneth Paltrow
Diane Sawyer

You lucky Gals!

41. TAKE THE HEBE OUTTA HOLOCAUST

Too Much
Credit
Given
To them all

What the hell
Any dummy coulda been there

I deserve some
Recognition
Made my Friday
Inconvenient

Speaking of me...
Seen this picture?


42. THE OLD STATE DEPARTMENT LIBRARY

Look!
Me!
I'm on Books!
Don't read,
Still, an improvement!


43. CHRISTIAN DISCOUNT

You want through my border,
You better start praying!
And maybe go into business with me.
Now, That wouldn't really hurt, would it?


44. RACE DETECTOR

Check this out!
Its like, a cool superpower!
Pence says he has one for gays.
Covers his crotch and he prays.
(He's a Mick)


45. ANNE FRANK MEMORIAL BAGEL CHIPS

Trump Tower Exclusive!
Replaced Michelle's berries and twigs


46. LET'S SEE SOME I.D.

Your learning curve
Is White Genocide
Clean slate now,
Valedictorian
Leave your shit!
It's mine now!
You get the fuck out!


47. IF IT'S ALRIGHT WITH PUTIN

I'm a big boy!
I can almost go potty myself!
Please, I beg you!
Somebody wipe!


48. THE ACLU IS GAY!

Suck it up!


49. NUCLEAR FOOTBALL PHOTO-OP

Just a sec...
1,2,3
Just a sec...
Where is the flash button?
Just a sec...
Hold on
Just a sec...
This never happens,
Its just these new phones
And so many buttons,
Know what i mean?


50. DOES THIS CROSS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

What do you mean "It's not the cross",
Bannon?
You rat eyed
C.H.U.D. souse?
I'm kiddin', but
What do you mean "It's not the cross",
Bannon?


51. SICK PEOPLE ARE GAY

You cannot fool me.
Not again.
You're in pain?
Interesting!
It says here you've never had a date.
Hey Child!
I'm talking!
Wake up!


52. FOR ALL MY FRIENDS!!!

Cash well spent (for a change).

Murdoch!
Buddy!
Need another story!

I can dangle CNN now and then, but we bros have a history!


53. ASKING FOR IT?

Look at you, with all your being born a woman.

Asking for it!


54. VICTORY LAP

My balls, your face.
Eat it, taxpayer!

(One more time!)

I'm exhausted.

(At least)

Slow down!

(Half?)


55. OLD PEOPLE ARE GAY

Change your nappy?
Not on your life!
Can't recruit me for your homo agenda


56. THE JOBS YOU'LL GET

Jobs you want and jobs you'll take, well
Guess what!
Here's your toilet brush!
Get ta scrubbin', Sir!



57. IT'S MY HAT NOW!

Hey, look!
Free hat!

What's that, kid?
Want this back?
You must say
The magic word!

I can't hear you!

Too late!
Snooze you lose!


58. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

Me: Frozen head en route to Mars
You: Watching your kids die.

Thank you all for your vote!


59. RIOT RECEIPT

Oh, great!
What now?
Again?!

Who keeps paying these guys?


60. KILL THE POOR, THEN FUCK THE POOR, THEN BILL THEIR FAMILIES

Wet your wick on dead and sick and charge their kids the cleanup.
Job Creator!
No prob!
You're so welcome!


61. MAKE AMERICA SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN!

Cucks!


62. BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE

Grab it!


63. JINGLE PENCE

Penis


64. IT'S ALWAYS A WHITE CHRITMAS FOR JEFF SESSIONS

Lynch the ornaments.
Color coordinate the wrapping.
Christmas Supremacy!


65. THE BIBLE IS MY FAVORITE BOOK

Could use more pictures!


66. SANTA IS REAL, BUT CLIMATE CHANGE IS A HOAX

Coal!!!


67. IS ALEX JONES DOING SANDY HOOK CLAUSE AGAIN THIS YEAR?

Ho Ho Ho Hoax!
No padding needed.


68. WHERE'S MY PARADE?

Take to the street!
Raising the flag!
A wreath and a bible and an immigrant in a bag!


69. TIC TACS AND MISTLETOE

Fa la la la la!
La la la la!


70. CAROL OF THE PENCE

Licking the balls!
Sweet Donald's balls!
Decking the halls?
Deck them with balls!
Cock, cock and more cock!


71. MY CABINET IS NUANCED AS SHIT

My Cabinet is nuance as shit!
Mustache guy, Glasses guy.
It’s like a melting pot.
I’m not even sure who still works here!


72. NORMALIZE IT!

Normalize my bullshit!


73. I ONLY LIKE THE PREQUELS

Jar Jar Binks! Old one stinks!
Shuffling Rastaman!
HAH HAH HAH!


74. WHERE'S MY APOLOGY?

Waiting.
Got all day (really)!


75. WHAT'S A FEW DEAD KIDS BETWEEN BUSINESS PARTNERS?

Ban the doors and ban the games and ban the trenchcoats!
Could it be easily fixed?
Can’t talk now!


76. I ALONE CAN FIX IT

I alone possess the brains.
I alone can handle the job!
DUH!


77. THE "SOUTHERN WHITE HOUSE" IS TOTALLY A THING!

History will plainly see that golfing the vote!
Athlete in play!
Forging a note!
What can you say?


78. CAN'T GET TO HEAVEN FAST ENOUGH

These idiots love me!
REALLY wanna hang with Jesus.
Get ‘em there as fast as I can!
Well, not the wife.


79. MELANIE (A LOVE SONG)

Leavin’ the plane with (Whatever your name is).
Everybody knows that Jew broads are hot in the sack!


80. DROPPIN' BOMBS WHILE DROPPIN' BOMBS WHILE DROPPIN' BOMBS

Filling the bowl.
Type on the phone.
Fire off the missiles while I duke one from home
Might hit the target.
Probably won’t.
Wasting some townsfolk while I tweet out a joke.
BITCHIN’!


81. FAITH INITIATIVE

We won’t stop until your kids all pray in school
and since I’m so cool, I’ll sell you the Bibles.
Don’t try to resell! You’ll go straight to Hell
along with all your kids.


82. BIBLICALLY QUALIFIED

Want the truth? Here’s the proof!
I read part of this book in a swank hotel
while doing business.
Well, expensive hookers read it to me.


83. A SOFT SENSUALITY

BONERS!!!
Springing from every surface!
And one massive boob,


84. POTTY LAW!

We need that potty law!
Gotta know who’s in that stall!
Can’t read! Barely understand the pictures!
Wouldn’t want to move on an unsuspecting dude,
And if he’s not a married bitch,
And i can’t tell which? Problem!!


85. A WIDOW'S APPLAUSE (DELICIOUS)

For me!
For me!
For me!
How sweet the sound!
More! Oops, I came.


86. CHECKS/BALANCES/GAY

Tired barely breathing air? GAY!
Tired of paying for all your water? GAY!
Don’t want your kids getting shot? GAY!
Want to know who’s really at fault? GAY!
Want to count out all those votes? GAY!
Take it to the bath house! GAY!


87. IT'S JUST BUSINESS

Vote from your death-bed?
Aren’t you busy?
Worked so hard to put you there.
Pin a flag on, still don’t care!


88. CAN A BROTHER GET AN RT?

Historical Twitter feed, bro!


89. THE HAND SHAKE

C’mere, you!


90. SEE SEX TAPE

Don’t vote ‘till you see the sex tape.
Everyone should see the sex tape.
NOT THAT ONE!!


91. AUTOCORRECT IS GAY

Covfefe!!


92. UNPRESIDENTED

I like making new words!


93. RENEWABLE RESOURCES ARE GAY

Windmills are making everyone go deaf!


94. "EXPERTS"

I am the brains!


95. COMPUTERS ARE STUPID

DUH!


96. RATIONAL DISCOURSE IS GAY

I just get up and walk away!


97. LAST NIGHT IN SWEDEN

It was so horrible, I cannot even describe it!


98. HUMAN CHECKERS

Chess to hard!


99. THE PRESIDENT OF AUSTRALIA IS GAY

Give him a Budweiser and a gun!


100. I'M LIKE A SMART PERSON

I’m like, the more smart!