1. 44. CALIBER LOVE LETTER

Sifting through weathered photo albums
(Does it make a difference?)
Looking for gloriously aged polaroids
(This is the way it is)
(You think it really would make a difference? Would I hang on the beach in perfect black and hide?)
Of places you've never been.
(I broke through this hollow shell that once held me so tight I couldn't breathe)
A place to accept you don't exist
(Come with me, jump off the edge)

"Smile for the camera sweetheart. I really wanna immortalize the moment."
Just remember the first step in forgetting
Is destroying all the evidence.
With friends like you,
Who needs subtext?
Sub. Text. Sub. Text.

This is a .44 caliber love letter straight from my heart.

With a gun, make your shot.
Let's hope for better shit.
(Straight {straight!} from {from!} my {my!} heart {heart!})
That reason for separation.
(Straight {straight!} from {from!} my {my!} heart {heart!})
Straight from... my... heart.
Christened by your bullet.
I'm losing patience.
Well I guess...
It's my own fault.

Don't remember.
Don't remember.
Don't... remember.
Don't!


2. COUNTERPARTS AND NUMBER THEM

Jennifer,
They lied to you.
When they said you couldn't breathe underwater.
(So here it is, the end is near)
I lied, too, when I said that I was hard.
(Never would've thought that I'd be something you'd so easily discard)
Because I'm...
Softer...
(Now I see it all so clear)
Than a...
(So it seems that when you turned away, you...)
Thrift store...
(Left...)
Thrift store...
(A scar)
Thrift store...
Sweater.
Twice as worn in.
Twice as worn in.

I was cast away once,
But I will be found again.
This I promise you.
Promise you.


3. ADELLEDA

This is really only all we have:
(Bury all of me)
Daytime. Twilight. Pitch black. Night light.
(Before I have a chance)
Coldest eyes, and the softest touch.
(To open my eyes and see you laughing.)
Daytime. Twilight. Pitch black. Night light.
These typed letters.
(Is this all we have?)
Beneath me.
(Or is this all just twilight beyond the skyline)
Fuck with these buttons and knobs long enough
(Blinding me)
And maybe things will... turn out fine.

Hide behind your crystal screen
And blow kisses at me.
...Said wouldn't happen....
Go.
Write your name on my chest in kerosene.
Spark a match, and you, won't, be cold again.

This is really only all we have:
Daytime. Twilight. Pitch black. Night light.

Coldest eyes.
You had the coldest eyes, and the softest touch.

Daytime. Twilight. Pitch black.
Light!

Gag and... destroy me.
Gag and... destroy me.

(Sorry I didn't hear you)
I have a
(I was busy dying in the corner)
Collection of thunder that I stole
(Those three words)
I stole. That I stole.
(Destroyed every inch of me yet you keep...)
From your windowsill.
(...Speaking)
Stole...
From your windowsill.


4. A DAGGER THROUGH THE HEART OF ST. ANGELES

Plaid skirts that hide love
Walk in single file.
Ties that restrict blood... to the brain.

Passing notes in math class.
Freedom wear your scars of desire.
It's a coming of age story.
Freedom wear your scars of desire.
Conflicting impulses.
Freedom wear your scars of desire.
Cuts seem to bend the sky.
Bend (bend) the (the) sky (sky).

I've read this book before.

Anxious eyes stare out of warped glass
Waiting for the 3 o'clock bell.

Trying hard to forget that cold October day,
When Love challenged Freedom to a fist fight.
Freedom looked victorious;
But no one was expecting the outcome on that baseball diamond...
When Love reached beneath her plaid jumper,
Pulled out a switch blade,
And drove it...
Directly through the heart of St. Angeles.

Go!
Any notion of self-government
Was left by Love bleeding
On the pitcher's mound.
You're
(So you say you're scaring me)
Scaring me.
(And you won't be there to catch me.)
And bleeding on the pitcher's mound.

On the, on the...


5. POLAROIDS OF POLARBEARS

Raped by my childhood?
What the hell do I know about rape anyway?
Well, I guess it's fun to pretend.
Sorry.
Just a thought that occurred when I wasn't quite awake enough
To dismiss it.

It's easy.
(You always used to stay within arms reach.)
To cheapen an event.
(Now it seems I'm all by myself)
By pretending it happened.
Only by pretending it happened.
(Save my life.)
Life.

(My life was taken tonight.)
My life.
(My life was ended tonight.)
My life.

Boring cliched self-destruction.
I think I should start doing aerobics.
And the rest...

Boxes of cats,
People with Taz tattoos,
Explosive personalities,
Self-centeredness,
Protractor from your new geometry set,
Inability to do math,
Geography.

Polaroids
(Tonight)
Of polar bears.
(Tonight)
Polaroids
(My life)
Of polar bears.

Polaroids...


6. WATER WINGS (AND OTHER POOLSIDE FASHION FAUX PAS)

You always had the blondest hair.
Chlorine stripped your skin pigment.
The cash was worth the fucking change.
At the pool from open to close.
Rake the bottom for loose change.
A job that paid for the luxury.
(The image still hurts my eyes)
But it probably lead to his divorce.
(White chlorine burns so bright)
It's probably the reason why his son hates him
(Sometimes I fear the night. When addiction became surprise)
Now your blood is so toxic
So toxic with chlorine that you only have 3 months left to live.

(Red stained eyes. Red stained eyes)
Was the, the change worth it?
(Red!)
Was the
(Stained!)
Divorce
(Eyes!)
Worth it?
(Red!)
Now you will
(Stained!)
Never
(Eyes!)
See your son again
(RED!)
Red!


7. WHERE NO ONE KNOWS

Side-stepped land mines
And working-class attitudes.
Let's go.
This is a love song.
Deal with it. Deal with it. Deal with... it.

(And I will)
I will
(Beat my fist against my chest)
My chest, against my chest
(If only to prevent my heart from beating for you)
Beating... for you, for you.
(This new season brings with it songs of hope)
Songs of hope!
(You can't leave me waist-high wading all alone)
Things
(I know there is somewhere I can go)
I don't understand are the most interesting
(Where no one knows)
Like zero, and eraserhead.
(My name)

(And I still)
I still
(Remember the sound of your voice)
Sound of, of your voice
(Do you think I would call just to hear you breathe?)
Hear you breathe.
(Just to hear you breathe)

Sometimes it's just about feeling good.
John Kusac. Pop punk.


8. THE KENNEDY CURSE

Take this blood from my veins
And paint me a masterpiece of a parade...
A parade of the dead sun.

Writing
(Writing this letter to you)
This letter to you.
(I slice my wrists)
Kill their leader
(By way of paper scars and pictures frames)
And watch his family die
(Of all you left behind)
Family die.

Last man...
Last man standing is a joke.
In spite of the...

(When white)
Glorious head shots.
(Bleeds into red)
Head shots and 8 by 10s.
(When white)
In exchange for your conspiracy
(Bleeds into red)
(When white)
We'll give thanks.
(Bleeds into red)
Stop and you'll decide.
(When white)
Decide if you can.
(Bleeds into red)

Then the name won't exist.
Set him on death row.
Go on, let this happen.

[George's deep voice:]
(That... That's all, that you get. That's all you get. That's all, you get fuck...)
[Wade in background:]
In. In the. The ground. In the ground. In the ground. In the ground. The ground.

Put the dead Kennedy in the ground.
In the ground. In the ground.
The name does not live on.
Not live on!


9. JUBELLA

You had such grace
(You had such grace)
In the end.
And I wish I could remember
(And I wish I could remember)
What colour
Your eyes were
(Your eyes were)
Every time, looked at you, my mind went... blank!

(Jubella)
You had the best damn Sunday dress
(You claimed to be the one)
At the end
(Who would bring down the stars)
Of the world.
(But as of yet I've seen nothing)
Of. The. World!

The walls of flames
That consumed you
And everything
That was good and...
Not with, a band, but a
Whimper.

Except
(Except)
The dead
(The dead)
Flowers
(Flower you gave)

What would you do?
Arms spread welcoming
The impending nothing.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

You had such grace
(You had such grace)
In the end.
I wish I could remember
(In the end)
What colour your eyes were
(In the end)

But everytime...
Looked at you my... mind!


10. LITTLE GIRLS POINTING AND LAUGHING

(We can't)
I still can
(Stop now)
Remember what you did.
Your eyes filled
(We've got)
Discomfort
(To slow down)
Bare foot in a public washroom.

Spill on me your nostalgia
And cataracts...
That fell
Behind self-conscious eyes.

Warm water made
(Please just give me back my heart)
This hurt so good
(Well it's been too long)
Through ivory rain
(And I will burn no more)
And cutthroat soap box derby racers

(Oh God. Hurt so fucking good.
I want you to fucking wreck me.
I want you to wreck me.
I want you to ruin me.)

I want you to ruin me.
(Please just give me back my heart)
Ruin me.
(Well it's been too long)
I. Want. You. To... ruin me.
(And I will burn no more)
(Tired of all these lies)
I. Want you. To ruin me.
(And elsewhere eyes of yours)
Ruin me.
(So I will scream)
I want you to...
(And dream of what's to come)
Ruin me.


11. PULMONARY ARCHERY

Let's go!
It's never too late to be early
Or try and maintain
Some scrap of integrity and certainty
I guess.

(My fingers)
Won't apologize
(Are blistered and bleeding)
And 1977...
Was a long time
(Was a long time)
Time ago
(Time ago)
I don't care.

I don't care how things
Were and I won't
Apologize.
I won't apologize.
Fuck you.

And the alamo penetrated
And there is little hope
For the white man so
Hop on your rainbow
Ride it...

(My fingers)
So hop on your rainbow
(Are blistered and bleeding)
And ride into oblivion
For all I care
(There's no longer)
You could be early
(Discomfort)
Or late
(That you brought)
Whatever!