1. GENESIS

4 years of life
Looking through the window through metal blinds
The dust covered window sill is burial to the dead
Breathe in
Long exhale
"I don't like myself" is pushed from my gut while I wait for it to sink
This is the genesis to the life I lead

Open up
Release
Let it run through like a cancer
The first memory repeats
Looking for an answer
On this memory it feeds

It needs no introduction
No cause or purpose
The rationale of being eternally numb weighs everyone down at one point

The open wounds with no source that never seem to heal
Opening of self
I didn't ask to be this way
Fighting and tearing away to keep these thoughts at bay

Open up
Release
Let it run through like a cancer
The first memory repeats
Looking for an answer
On this memory it feeds
It always feeds


2. SLEEP

Familiar words seem to fill the cavity behind my eyes
As if I were reading things written months ago
Shattered teeth
Bitter lies
A throat full of whiskey
Battling time

Sleep, stranded bastard
Dream of the way things should be
It’s the anniversary, you know
The reminder of all you keep and cease to seek

Sleep
Turn it off and sleep
Those memories should no longer be on repeat
The snapping of a neck in noose
The sway of dangling feet

Sleep, my love
Sleep
The thousand tears falling for you
Warped the wood that now creaks

Sleep, thoughts
Sleep
Maybe one day we can all find peace

Sleep forever
Sleep
You know you’ve grown tired
You know you’ve grown weak

Sleepless serpent
Sleep
For the apple was consumed
The desire of which we all eat

Sleep///sleep


3. MANIPULATIVE

Smoke screen distraction
That hides the fire below
An open chest that reflects a truth that was once untold
My insides caught in a wildfire
Unfolded by the strike of a match I continue to hold
The repetition
The consistency
Just as the clock will once again strike 3
Clockwork

Self inflicted as if by expectation
Told by the lies that split my tongue
Ripping and tearing to separate truth from false intentions
Cracked pseudo smile indication of a weary road more/less traveled

The guidance you had given to me
Tell a story that changes like the sea
Inconsistently consistent on the issue of; me
Overbearing expectation unraveled your bones that I put back in their place

I was undeserving but the gavel fell
Ripped from my chest, my soul was sent to its own personal hell
I sat up and the only conclusion that was clear
Was a sense of desperation
A sense to disappear

I believed every skittish lie that was shoved down my throat
Forced fed betrayal
Told to chew and swallow
Pride
Whether it was age or regret
That false sense of safety
I emerged alone with fresh walls and broken
To lead my life as a ghost that is only comfortable when secluded at night

Your manipulative tendencies
Masked as inexperience and nonexistent self worth
Killed and buried some of the best parts of me in a shallow grave beneath the dirt


4. BLOOM

Bloom
God damned
Cursed
Hell spawned
Serpent born
I often lay in thought alone in my head
Allowing my mind to take me to the places I fear
I’ve asked countless times
Kept track of the count
To try to prevent you from being there
I trust you
I guess I’m gullible even if I hate that two word lie

You left me no option
The light leaked to the end of the wall
I watched it stop
From it someone began to crawl
The entire room went black and I commenced to fall

Pulling me
Hands reached out from the hollow
Pulling me deeper
Pulling me
Further

Your tongue moves so serpent-like
While you scribble frantically
"I'm sorry" escapes your lips in a rhythmic repetition
The only time you stop is to pull your eyelashes out or try to scrape your skin of me
I can no longer feel

I opened the door to an empty room
Buried everything and watched it bloom


I opened the door to an empty room
Buried everything and watched it bloom

I’ll always be dispensable

I was born on the left side of the throne
Destined to lead a life of right
Only to end in constant falling


5. ROT

Why do I feel the thing that will someday kill me
Makes me feel more alive than most
I feel odd/off
I don't remember the last time I got rest

Content in solitude
Longing for company
An overwhelming feeling of something to say but nothing when pen meets paper

The process of being killed/The process of killing onesself

Somber thoughts
Suffocating on words unsaid
I can't seem to get away
I can't seem to stray
From the voices coming from inside my head

I'll just rot...Alone in silence
I'll just rot...It never stops
I'll rot...
I'll rot...
I'll rot...
I'll rot...

Open up
Breathe in quickly
Sharp exhale
Hurry up, hurry up
Stop/silence

I'm sorry I can't find the words to say
Hanging from that rope
I can see you sway
I want to know what went through your head
I don’t know if I was meant to end the same way; dead
I know it’s wrong but we share the same name
Who is to say we can’t share the same fate

Ungrateful
I don't have any real issues other than the ones in my head
I have no right to think I'd be better off dead

But here I am alone
Born on the left side of the throne
With a tongue that strikes the heart
Allows the poison to seep in and tear apart

Let me rot


6. STRAIN

Every time I open up
I instantly regret everything
Exposing the ins and outs
I wonder what I was thinking
Why I was so invested
Why did it hurt so much
Why did I let it consume

I hope I can see
What I can one day be
Numb the feeling of being inadequate
Close my eyes and breathe peacefully
Without worry
Without strain

Taking on problems that are far too large
Running towards a horizon that is way too far

This pressure upon my shoulders
Has caused me to crack
Stress consumed
I now sit and wait to be taken to the black

Fighting off exhaustion
Rising from fallen knees
Worn illusions of a better life
A better way, a better place

Where nothing matters
Nothing hurts
Without worry
Without strain

This thought isn't the answer to my problems
This will solve nothing
So I'll long and wait to be done with the stress
Without this strain


7. SUFFERING // DEPARTURE

The light that once poured from my eyes is now flickering
The butterflies turned to moths
Deep breaths became shallow
Rotation of the Earth seemed to have slowed
The roots I felt were holding me down-Ripped from the soil
There was no lesson to be learned

The absolute worst part
Was constantly having you behind my eyelids
In the back of my ruined/ head
Knowing that I loved you
While you had the same
Instead they were filled with a stranger

Who betrayed and left debris
Who left the walls scattered
And the roof thrown far away
Only to let the contents of my home suffer
While I lay in silence
Knowing I had to leave
Knowing
I could never live there again
There was no lesson to be learned

I am still ruined
Reverting to thoughts of that broken home
The doors were locked
So, I came in through the broken window
Just to look around through debris
Sift through memories of ash
Walk through halls that once held life
It’s bitter and freezing
Haunted, to say the least
I resent myself for taking the time
To revisit the shared vision
I held on through the storm
Tried to hold together all that I could
I’m not enough

With roots ripped from this soil, this house is no god damn home
Move on
There is nothing left for us here
Move on...There was nothing left for me there
Move on...There's nothing
Move on...There was no lesson to be learned


8. ABANDONED

The person I've become
Is no longer fooled by the mask that he once wore
Disgusted with the concepts thought acceptable

Silencing any sort of voice
Sat and watched while allowing others to reign with no repercussions

How am I to protect you?
How am I to keep you safe?
While I continue to be this man

I've let the poison seep in
Let all that has consumed take control and let that person die
Rise from the blasphemy that made me wise

With those values I once felt were okay to turn a blind eye and allow

I deserved to feel that way

I was better off abandoned


9. REVELATION

This former self is dead and gone
While the ghost still haunts
Sends shivers frequently
A cold chill that reminds of the path once walked
I try not to wander
Not to drift
But it's hard when pieces fit
I don’t know if it comes from the self-loathing
Or the deep rooted exhaustion of burning the wick at both ends
Pouring gasoline to fuel this ouroboros of sleep deprivation and caffeine
Tail in mouth, consuming until finally there is nothing left

My heart aches
I can’t fathom why or how in the slightest
Even then, this feeling never leaves
Never fails
But always lingers...

The subtle song of sorrow haunts my head
Like the ghost that follows me close
Breathing...
Waiting...
Always watching...

The keys strike slowly
Ringing quietly
Sending cold, dead, shivers down my spine
Reflecting the haunting memories and fears that consume me
Slowly unraveling the abhorrence through whispers and whimpering sounds
Dead eyes wait
Forever open to the world