1. THRESHOLDS

And I know
Things will be different from now
Standing here, days turn to fall
From the inside looking out
Though a fogging window I behold
Shadows cloaking the ground
To cover our memories and doubts
And end this small seed of hope
That we struggle to build on our own

And I know
With summer gone I could not hold
You and your everlasting grace for my soul
And your hand so strong on my cheek
And the shelter of your embrace

And I know
As nights grew cold so did our hearts
Like branches forsaking their bloom
Casting dead leaves to the ground
And I still see you slipping into the unknown

And I know as they said by little chance it meant no
Faith is reversible, time isn’t though
Hope becomes a burden now
Like a floating weight holding us down
And I know it wasn’t worth the try
But it felt so wrong not to hope

You could stay with me, come back to me
You’d intervene, destroy our fears
Restore our years

And I know, maybe mostly means to
When we’re exposed unto this grace unknown
I cannot follow you where you go
This road you must pass on our own

But It tore my soul apart
And lost my faith that day
Till there’s something left, a trembling scale, a desperate Wish
The answer always was and will always be: No

And I know,
Though your shadow vanished days ago
I still stare at the edge of this glow
Sobered and alone
And I know
From rotten leaves new life will grow
Like a heritage echoing forth
Your words like a promise still glowin'
Keeping me going


2. FLOODS

I have been crowned again
Crowned with despair and shame
I’ve lost my mind
I’ve lost my sight
I’ve lost what once was home

Again I've lost it all
Again the siren’s call
Again I’m dancing to the anthem of my grieving soul

Again the rain has come
Again all hope is gone
And again you’re here with me

Into the dark you called me
The place our souls are free
Here where the floods arise
I can be at your side

These waves will ease your pain
Wash away the remains
Close your eyes
Hold your breath
Take this dive

And here we are again
On this shore of pain again
And still I trust in you

The tide will fall for us again
In sorrow we will stand
And still I trust in you

Our eyes are filled with fear again
And I will grasp your hand
And still I trust in you

The floods are calling us again
These wounds we cannot mend
And still I trust in you

My friend

Again our knees give in
Again we bleed and sink
Again like blades the rain is grazing our freezing skin

Again your words they calm
Again they keep me warm
And again you’re here with me

Unto this shore I called you
I searched these floods for you
Here where despair resides
Where dreamers feel alive

I’ll stay within your arms
Until this night is through
In this floods there is darkness
There is death
And there is you

We conquered these floods
We conquered ourselves


3. OF NOTHINGNESS AND YOU

Waiting for another sunset
Tired and distressed
My mind is full of void
Of nothingness and you

Staring at the ceiling
Sleep denies his grace
To cover me with darkness
Before despair ensnares my mind

To hope is what they tell me
Believe me this I do
For better gods to bless my sin
For better drugs to numb my head
And for a blackout from within

And I don’t need your knife
To make me feel in pain
I reject
It’s all within,
The fear, the grief
And the memory of your name

As I drift into despair
In this wakeful nightmare
My mind it bursts with hate
Stomach compensates

I hate you
I worship you
I grieve for you
I sense your tears
I strike your fears
I wake for you

I lie blandly in this haste
Fueled by sleeplessness and rage
As you overload my brain
With nothingness and you

And they say it’s all for show
But I’m the one exposed
And tell me how to end this game
When I’m the one that’s played

Why do you rape my mind with sorrow and despair
But never speak to me


4. INNUENDO

He woke up that day
With the urge to make a change

He was searching for words
Mindful words
To get out of this cage

And then he whispered no
Just one word to to let her know
He would rather be left alone
Without a sound he whispered No
So implied and so unsure
Leaving options open for his own

Between cowardice and courage
The adventure the assured
The path was getting narrow
Leaving no space for two

And so he whispered no
Two letters to let her know
He would rather be left alone
Constantly he repeated No
So implied, so unassured
Staking claims, gaining control

From manic heights he hit the ground
A last attempt to turn around
He found himself like in a fall
So afraid to lose it after all

You are not the only one
On this path you're stumbling on
Is this decision only yours
Oh how I just don’t don’t know
Are you afraid to lose her

I just cannot let her...

And finally she responded No
With a voice so self-assured
She would rather be left alone
She took her chance and stated No
She took over control
And left him trapped

All on his own


5. DESTROYED

So here it comes my argument
I know you may not understand
Why I prefer to be erased
From this life I feel misplaced

Don’t get me wrong I won’t fade
Cause I don’t want to be bewailed
Or hurt the ones I care for now
And leave them here all alone

What I want is to not exist
To be erased right from your list
What I want is to be destroyed
Return unto the endless void

No sign that I was ever born
When I am dead no one to mourn
Forgotten now I want to be
Wiped out my identity

You say my words may be absurd
And even tell my songs they hurt
Life is a blessing we receive
But sadly I cannot believe

My pain is of the knowing why
Anxiety I can’t deny
My conscience got to know the truth
Therefore I have no excuse

I signed a contract full of fraud
Forever now will I be caught
Boncealed the terms it’s all about
This hellfire I can’t opt out

In earthly joy I won’t delight
And death is just a shocking fright
A candle burning from both ends
For my sin there’s no amends

You say my words are so insane
But they told me me, who am I to blame
A gospel better not to be heard
Good news leaving you disturbed

I live under the floating rage
Impenitent inside this cage
My saviour I forsake your path
Ready to receive your wrath

And I don’t want life eternally
And I don’t want to cut and bleed
And I know death can’t set me free
And Nothingness is what I seek


6. A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

And here it comes [again]
And here it feels [the same]
And here it grows [within]
And here I am [my friend]

I am captured [by sedatives]
I am awake [I'm asleep]
I am important [like I behave]
I am betrayed [by myself]
I am obsessed [by my guilt]
I am scorned [by my sin]
I am forgotten
Within a night to remember

I am the night to remember

And then the black screen turns bright
And then these pictures appear
With a shivering tone
To shake this cosmos of fear

Dead bodies I see
Perfectly fashioned
And I try to feel sorry
But they won’t trigger compassion
I am lacking the skills
To bury my own dead
I don’t care for your thrills
Make me forget my despair

And these disasters I see
And the news that you feed
So cold they leave me
Just entertaining the beat
Of my heart so afraid
It all accumulates

In this endless November
In this night to remember

Tonight it's all within me
The war that I see
Contaminated my brains
With toxic wastes
1004 square miles of death
A million more in my heart
And like the ruins you’ve left
I feel I’m falling apart

Tonight it's all within me
The voices I hear
I am saturated
Beyond belief
This is no memory
This is a sorrow assembler
Crossing my mind in this night to remember

Meet me in the prime of my temper
Meet me in this night to remember

Save me from this sorrow why can't ya
Save me from this night to remember

I am lost
My faith
My self


7. BEYOND

Everyday’s another threat
You say it's only in my head
Now you see my tranquilized
A raging monster hypnotized

I used to key up towards insanity
Now I’m heading for indifference
Everything was all-important
Now everything‘s absurd

And all the world that haunted me
It needled me, and turned its back on me
And those voices that approached me
In this silence they left me here

And every night you fall asleep
Thoughts break loose, I can no longer keep
I see your face so full of confidence
And I am anxious it’s in vain

You are weary
I am numbed
You take your chances
While I take my pills

You know sadness
I know despair
And you compare
How do you dare

You say someday I’ll feel again
Oh add this pressure to my pain
These chemicals inside my veins
They may impress you but not my brains

And every night you fall asleep
Thoughts break loose, I can no longer keep
I see your face so full of confidence
And I am anxious it’s in vain

You are weary
I am numbed
You take your chances
While I take my pills

You know sadness
I know despair
And You compare
How do you dare to.

And I don’t fear what’s in the past
And I don’t fear what is to come
This enemy is so temporary
And so ridiculous
And he’s always here

Save me
I’m drowning in despair
Believe in me
I’m frozen to myself
Trust me
It’s just acids in my head

And stay with me
Beyond this misery


8. STRANGERS

And in this eerie chamber
Where light and mercy flee
There is no great escape
There's only them and me

Their chanting getting louder
Hunting for my soul again
A funeral procession
I know I'm easy prey

And now it's getting closer
I’m paralized by fear
And I’m beyond redemption
I feel my time is here
And now your hand won’t reach me
And now I’ve come too far
I feel their comdemnation
And slowly I’m posessed by

Their hands
Their eyes
Their tongues
Their might
Their cold
Their shame
Their rope
Their lies

Their knife
Their hate
Their grief
Their chains
Their drugs are running through my veins
Their sorrow
Their decree remains

I am cursed by these strangers
Gatherering inside my head

Their fingers point
And I agree
Their staring eyes
I know it's time
As they accuse
And I confess
I know something needs to die

And now their lies ensnare me
Blaring inside my head
I’m seized by desperation
And I’m forced to obey
There's no determination
There's only destiny
My time has come to end it
No more to be plagued by

Their hands
Their eyes
Their tongues
Their might
Their cold
Their shame
Their rope
Their lies

Their knife
Their hate
Their grief
Their chains
Their lies are yelling through my brains

Their scars
Their thorns
Their mask
Their scent
Their dark
Their book
Their teeth
Their end

Their blade
Their scorn
Their force
Their nails
Their poison running through my veins

Their sorrow
Their decree remains

I am cursed by these strangers
Gatherering inside my head

Their fingers point
And I agree
Their staring eyes
I know it’s time

As they accuse
And I confess
I know something needs to die

And it's not me


9. ALRIGHT

Good to know you are alright
Yes so am I tonight
So why would I tell you
How darkness clouds my mind
From time to time

And why would I tell you
Of fears that surround me in the night
And of the dreams I laid aside
And of the scars I hide
I carefully hide

Why would I do this
Why would I do this to you

And why would you take your time and listen for a while
And it wouldnt feel so awkward as I would start to cry
Cause I could find your comfort and solace in your arms
And you would share my sorrow and you would cry with me
And our tears would build an ocean where we drown our fears

So why would I do this
Why should I let you know
Why should I tell you?

And I would sit beside you
And open up my mind
For the memories that haunt you
And the loneliness inside

And when you say, we all wander through darkness
I can’t deny that you are right
But I deny that you are forced to go alone
And I am on your side

But why should I tell you
Why would I let you know
Why should I do this?

So why should I
Tell you that I cherish you
And you make me feel alive
And the scars you wear are window to your soul
To flood your life with light
And we could share each other's company
And the silence wouldn’t hurt
And from weakness blossoms empathy
The real therapy

And when sorrow overcomes me
Self hatred setting in
I could feel your strength inside me
Sending shivers down my skin
And we could dance upon our grief
Till the sun ascends the dawn
In the gloomy morning light
We would be alright

Just like you are tonight
See you next time