1. DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP

If your havin' trouble with your high school head
He's givin' you the blues
You wanna graduate but not in 'is bed
Here's what you gotta do
Pick up the phone
I'm here alone
Call me any time
36 24 36 (slaver)
I lead a life of crime

Dirty deeds done dirt cheap (x4)

Your havin' problems in your life of love
You got a broken heart
He's double dealin' with your best friend
That's when the teardrops start
Pick up the phone
I'm here alone
Or make a social call
Come right in
Forget about him
We'll have ourselves a ball

Dirty deeds done dirt cheap (x4)

If you got a lady but you want her gone
But you ain't got the guts
She keeps naggin' you night and day
Enough to drive you nuts -
Pick up the phone
Leave her alone
It's time you made a stand
For a fee I'll be happy to be
Your back door man

Dirty deeds done dirt cheap (x4)


Concrete shoes, cyanide, tnt
Done dirt cheap
Neckties, contracts, high voltage
Done dirt cheap


2. BIG BALLS

Well i'm upper upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
And i always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say i've got
The biggest balls of all

I've got big balls
I've got big balls
They're such big balls
And they're dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody cums and cums again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says i've got
Great balls of fire

I've got big balls
Oh i've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that i like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

We've got big balls
We've got big balls
We've got big balls
Dirty big balls
He's got big balls
She's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

(We've got big balls)
(We've got big balls)

And i'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

(Bollocks, knackers)
(Bollocks, knackers)
(Bollocks, knackers)
(Bollocks, knackers)


3. THE JACK

She gave me the queen
She gave me the king
She was wheelin' and dealin'
Just doin' her thing
She was holdin' a pair
But i had to try
Her deuce was wild
But my ace was high
But how was i to know
That she'd been dealt with before
Said she'd never had a full house
But i should have known
From the tattoo on her left leg
And the garter on her right
She'd have the card to bring me down
If she played it right

She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack

Poker face was her name
Poker face was her nature
Poker straight was her game
If she knew she could get you
She played 'em fast
And she played 'em hard
She could close her eyes
And feel every card
But how was i to know
That she'd been shuffled before
Said she'd never had a Royal Flush
But i should have known
That all the cards were comin'
From the bottom of the pack
And if i'd known what she was dealin' out
I'd have dealt it back

She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, and who knows what else?
She's got the jack, yeah, yeah
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack

She's got the jack, she's got the jack,
Ooh, it was a bad deal, (jack)
She gave me the (jack), hey
She's got the (jack), she's got the (jack)
She's got the (jack), ooh can't you tell
She's got the (jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack)
(She's got the jack, she's got the jack)
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, you never know!
She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack
She's got the jack, and it hurts!
(She's got the jack)
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack
She's got the jack
Aaaaaah!

Oooooh!
Thank you, thank you, thank you people, thank you, thank you
I'm glad you like the show, yes, thank you very much folks.
Goodnight and god bless!