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Crónica @ Vinterdrom
12 Mayo 2008
Some rites remain immutable and receiving your new mail order is no exception. Someone rings at the door, you open the door and there stands before you the nice mailman holding in his hands the long-awaited parcel which will soon be in your own hands once you've feverishly signed the receipt with anticipation and tremors. A formality later, you grunt him away with some polite 'thanks, bye bye' wishing him the hell away hoping he won't start talking about the weather. Pfeww, saved by the bell, the dude's submerged with work and he's running late. Then you slam the door, double-check the lock, cut down the phone line and head straight to the kitchen drawers to seize the scissors which you're going to use to rip out the parcel's packaging which puts in a good fight with his three layers of rubber tape. Once this threefold carapace has been punctured and eradicated, remove from its entrails the long-awaited albums with two hands, just imagine you're Link and you just found the key which will lead you straight towards the Dungeon where princess Zelda has been locked in.
This rite, we've all performed it dozens and dozens of times, with this intoxicating exhilaration and this childlike joy, because we know that ahead lie several listening hours ridden with pleasure. And yet sometimes, unexpected surprises will disrupt the rituals! Some time ago, as I opened the parcel just like any other parcel, I froze in my own tracks glancing at some CD I had not ordered. In this case it was "Electronegative" from the Greeks of Nightfall which when it was released had not triggered a splendid response despite the band's glorious past. Incomprehension, interrogation … the magic is gone. Was I the victim of some confusion when the parcel was prepared to be shipped? I kept on unravelling it… relief… everything I ordered is here. Where does this CD come from with the presumptuousness of disrupting my calm? I glanced at the invoice and everything now became clear! Holy gods, of course: a courtesy free of charge CD! In principle, a very nice gesture but considering the so-called quality of this record I can only imagine some kind of yard sale! Oh well, nothing so serious as to hold a grudge against my dear stockist.
Once I got back again on my own two feet, I decided to listen right away to this object of disruption, just so I could settle the score with it before getting down to business. I fed my hungry CD player with this, pressed 'play'. Hmmm, so... what should I say to remain politically correct? … Usually, I'm quite a nice guy but this one time I must confess I haven't got the words to find any argument which would defend this pseudo-musical catastrophe! Some succession of commonplace riffs incredibly lacking substance, melodies sponsored by Campbell's mushroom gravy with from time to time some electro samples coming straight from the local club. Nothing here may be saved. And guess what, it lasts for 16 minutes, 16 long minutes just like so many never ending hours where sleep awaits. Actually music isn't even the worst thing in this catastrophe, far from it, because I haven't mentioned the vocals yet. Efthimis Karadimas has tried to sing 'normally' and his performance is, let no words scare us, utterly fucked up! I would like to know how can someone dare records such disastrous tracks?! Our poor buddy is just not fit for the job and seems to suffer from this as much as we do too. What a torment! Looking at the liner notes, I read three of them took care of the production. But for hell's sake (to refrain from saying something else), three of them and no one to say: PLEASE, STOP THIS SLAUGHTER?! … Just unbelievable!!!
Some records have the strength to charm us to the point where we forget that music comes essentially from some plastic object following a binary system. All I may say is that "Electronegative" is not one of them. In fact, here I really can tell that records are made of nicks and holes burnt on a polycarbonate layer covered with a thin reflective aluminium skin, which is too covered with lacquered anti-UV acrylic. Just chemical matter in other words! Authors of some tasteless dish, whose only chance of success could be Eurovision … well maybe not just yet… Since when Lordi won the prize startling just about everyone, the song they had played was so much better than any of the tracks present on "Electronegative".
I read the back cover's small prints: "only unreleased tracks", haha what a joke!
And yet how we should comment on this cover which is the evil version of teen band Worlds Apart, something as upsetting as it is ridiculous?! … Ok, I'd better stop now.
My conclusion is not going to be so (electro)negative because, in the end, I was just waiting for this record. True, since I had not yet bought myself a frisbee in anticipation of the forthcoming summer, it comes in handy especially if the consider the most artistic Electronegative design on top of it! I bet that it's going to be the next hit!
If you also consider that we live in times where life gets to be so expensive, where prices always go up and where the most ridiculous thing costs so much to the point that playing frisbee will soon be considered an exclusive sport, you can't just refuse that kind of present!