1. THREADS

You and I alone
Standing on shaky ground
Wondering what became of yesterday
Everything seemed simple then
We fit together hand in glove
But now everything has changed
Somewhere in our past we
Strayed and lost our way
Now I search for us
But we're not here
Looking at you now
You're so far away
Our connection's lost
Looking at me now
I can't recognize myself I can't count the cost
Somewhere up ahead perhaps our
Roads will cross again
Somewhere maybe hope is still alive
There's an emptiness within
And an isolation here
That I never thought I'd feel
With you beside me
There's a coldness to your touch
And there's nothing in my heart
And the life we made is hanging by a thread


2. PARKER'S EYES

Look at you
You haven't seen anything
Your eyes so white and pure
Without a trace of red
No signs of self-abuse there
And no tears have yet been shed
Just pure
Pure white eyes

Look at you
You don't know anything
Not what the towers looked like
On September tenth
And words like hate and death and politics
Mean nothing yet
They're sounds
They're only sounds
Once, long ago I was young
And I saw the world through innocent eyes
Like a child
But those memories are faded now
And all that I can see is our despair

Look at you
You don't fear anything
Not loss of job, or loss of faith
Or loss of self, you're not afraid
You're not afraid of anything
Not even death itself

Look at you
You haven't learned anything
Not all that people do
In every single way
To hurt each other, harm each other, kill each other every day
But you will
And nothing I can say or do will stop you
Once, long ago
We were young
And we saw the world through innocent eyes
Like a child
But those memories are faded now
And all that we can see is our despair
And now I finally understand
Why we're told to suffer the little children
They're what we were before we fell
Sweet unruined innocence


3. SCARRED

I am scarred from the actions of others
I am scarred from the actions of self
I am scarred by the times
That I held back the storm
With no one to turn to
Nobody else
I have risen beyond what I used to be
I have fought hard to gain what I lacked
But I stil hear the footsteps
Of my failures on my heels
And everything I thought Ieft behind
Is clinging to my back
I've made myself a fortress
In pursuit of all my dreams
But it's built upon my self doubt
And more fragile than it seems
I can struggle to forget
That I've always felt alone
But the consequence
Of standing on my own
I've been broken
Nothing can make me whole again
I've been fighting
Battles that can't be won
Drowning in a sea of self-hate
Searching for an answer that never was
I've spent half of my life trying to kill my demons
And I'm frightened that the process
May have turned me into one of them
I've looked into the darkness of my personal abyss
But I feel it staring back
And it sees right through me
I am beaten but unbroken
I am bloodied but unbowed
And these years have left me shattered
But I'll make it through somehow
I think that's probably why
I've been alone all my life
I think that's probably why
I am lost and I'm scared that I can't find my way
I've spent half of my life trying to kill my demons
And I'm frightened that the process
May have turned me into one of them
I've looked into the darkness of my personal abyss
But I feel it staring back
And it sees right through me
Now I struggle to forget
That I've always felt alone
And I can't escape the consequence
Of being on my own
I've been broken
Nothing can make me whole again
I've been fighting
Battles that can't be won
I've been tortured
Shaped into what I am
Scars I've hidden
Through my entire life
Searching for what
Never was
Drowning in an
Endless sea of doubt


4. SAPPHIRE

The road I've walked for my whole life
Has brought me to this crossroads
And I'm standing here beside you
I know you've never been someone
To take things on a leap of faith
Please trust me once and never cry again
Hold my had
We can take this slowly
And see where it might lead
Going Into Going Into You
And everything seemed to make sense
The first time that things seemed to fall in place
Just for a little while
And now my hopes and dreams are burning down
Claw out my eyes
I'd rather be blind
Than to see you turn around
And walk away from me
Tear off my ears
I'd rather be deaf
Than hear you
Saying goodbye
Lucky ones will never
Share what we've shared
For I'm damned to know
Exactly just what might have been
Can't somebody stop this?
I feel like I'm drowning
And everywhere I turn the water's deeper
It would tear out my heart
To be nothing more to you
Than a smile that occasionally
Crosses your face
Twenty five years from now
What will we have?
A pile of ash called
What could have been?
Treasures can slip through your fingertips
And sapphires melt in your hands
As I gaze in your jaded eyes
I pray that this road isn't ending
Walking down this road
I thought I felt you hold my hand
But looking I can see my palm is empty
How can you turn from me?
All that I wanted
Was to catch the stars and lay them at your feet
It would tear out my heart
To be nothing more to you
Than a smile that occasionally
Crosses your face
Treasures can slip through your fingertips
And sapphires melt in your hands
You turn to me with your jaded eyes
And I'm scared that I know how this ends
And everything fell into place
But now it is falling apart
I'm trying to hold on
But I can see you fading
Be quick-Or you've missed it
Sometimes when our backs are turned the choice is made
Once-In a lifetime
If you didn't see it coming then you're much too late
This self constructed prison
Is comfortable and warm
But I can't escape the feeling
That-there must be something more
Everyting we've been through
That's made us who we are
Has broughtus here and now the choice is ours to make
I'm begging you
I'm pleading on my knees
I can't believe that this was just a big mistake
From Jeweled Gemstone Memories
To Jaded Guarded Energies
To Just Gentle Victory
I know we could last
Tell me what I've got to do,
Tell me what I've got to do,
To Get Inside Get Inside your heart
Where did we go
When there are no more conspiracies?
When there's only you and only me
Seeing each other for the first time?
I pledge myself
If you stumble I will carry you
And wipe away the tears if you will mine
And I'm holding out for a miracle
But I'm scared to let go of the bird in my hand
And afraid taht I've run out of time for a second chance
I want to drown myself in your eyes
I want to believe but I'm scared that you're lying
Tell me there's hope for the ghost of a second chance
Chances are meant
Meant to be taken
But life's so fragile
And it's breaking into pieces
Somebody help me
I feel like I'm dying
And I'm reaching for your hand
But it's not there
And I pray we won't know
What we're missing
And we'll never imagine
What might have been
But twenty five years from now
I'll still hold on
To a fading dream
Of me and you
Treasures have slipped through my fingertips
And the sapphire vanished from my hand
I'll never forget the look in your eyes
When you lied and said this wasn't ending
Treasures have slipped through my fingrtips a
And the sapphire vanished from my hand
I say goodbye to your jaded eyes
As we reach our unnatural end


5. THE FULLNESS OF TIME

a/ RAGE

Struck down by the persons that I trusted
Robbed of dignity and left for dead
I can feel unmeasurable anger building in me
Emptiness and rage begin to burn inside my head
Once I was a person withoug malice
Once my heart bled red instead of black
Friends with one hand held behind their backs carried knives
Didn't see the blades 'till tehy were buried in my back
Sleep with one eye open
Knowing that I'm watching you
Listen for my footsteps on every darkened street
Like a call for help unanswered
You can scream but no one hears your voice
No one there to save you
As I take my just revenge
I can hear your laughter
I can see you think you've won
But I don't know how you live
With no remorse for waht you have done
You claimed you were my friend
All the while you planned to murder me
You claimed that I imagined all the things you'd done to me
You'll pay for being so destructive
Youll beg for compassion
But I've nothing left to give


b/ DESPAIR

Left now
Alone with your betrayal
There's no way to feel secure
Anymore
Broken
Crushed in soul and spirit
With no way to set things right again
Gone
You have stolen everything I ever had
And I'm left with nothing more than pain
And I know I'll never trust the way taht I once did
You have taken all my dreams
And turned them to ashes in my mouth
Starving
Searching for some comfort
Left to choke on my despair
Blinded
My faith and friendship shattered
And my life beyond repair


c/ RELEASE

Lying here surrounded
By the pieces of my life
Would it all be easier
If I lay be down to die
Dreams piled high
On the back of this broken man
Is this all? Born to fall?
Or to rise again?
So much pain and disillusionment
Everything I once felt sure about
We're all lost if we don't know
It's all a game that we are playing
The motions of all our counterparts
A piece of sinsiter scheme
The puppet that's broken has reason to smile
They can no longer force him to dance on their strings
Why shrug off the chains? If you wrap them about
You'll be sunk to the bottom and drowning
The clockwork behind their smiles
Wound by hands that were made to harm
Just release yourself
Cause they can't rape the willing
Or take waht you have if there's nothing else
Tired of life and filled with despair
And covered with blood from the crosses I bear
But I'm still standing
Should I make myself crawl?
Seems so counter to our nature
Accepting with grace the things we can't change
But when all's said and done and you're wronged and deceived
Then it matters tha most what you choose to believe
Should I fight against fate
Or should I just lay down and die?
The puppet that's broken has reason to smile
But the strings can't control you if you walk away
No more tears of disillusionment
I'll be a puppet no longer
The hands that I thought had held me
THe clockwork behind their smiles
They'll not have control over me
I'll stand up and leave them behind
Just release yourself
Cause they can't rape the willing
Or take what you have if there's nothing else
Tired of life and filled with despair
And covered with blood from the crosses I bear
But I'm still standing
Should I make myself crawl?
Just release yourelf
When you're wounded by no one else
Rise above pain, most past my despair
And put down the cross that I've made myself bear
Now I'm still standing
And I'm not gonna crawl


d/ TRANSCENDENCE

Now
The smoke finally cleared
And I can see the wreckagae of my past that lies about me
Now
It's all become so clear
And I have learned the
Truth behind the lies and seen the lies within the truth
Everythng in context finally makes sense
I see the paths I walked
Some I paved myself
Some where I went gladly
Some against my will
I can leave behind the fear and doubt
And cast aside the shackles and the chains
Of flawed assumptions I learned as a child
I can't let them distract me
So I'm Putting aside the memories
Of the things I never had but thought I wnated
Now
My notions of what makes relationships have a new light
I have gained an understanding
No more false facades
Covering my feelings
Preventing a connection
I've been spending my whole life pursuoing those who built this cell
Lamenting all the hateful things that happened to me
Never thought to look at how I might have played a part in who I am
Or what it means to lose the game before it starts
Now I know that I cannot turn back and change the past
And that the only choice to save myself
Is changing what I carry from it
Everything I did to myself
Everything that's been done to me
I'll turn my back on that and walk away
And left with only me
At last I see the answer and what I need to be
Letting go
I destroy my shell
Embrace my heart
And free myself
The point of the search, may not be the answer
The value of a want, is not always a need
Still I stand, I'm not going to crawl
Now I know, I've got to believe
Once I was a person without malice
Once my heart bled red instead of black
Openness and introspection now sho me the way
To reclaim all I've lost and take it back
You may have taken everything I ever had

But you cannot take my future
Just release yourself
All I was and
All that I'll ever be
Finally are integrated
And I am whole again
Now I know the reason for the suffering
I'm a better person for having known the pain
A better person having overcome the pain