1. GODDAMNIT WHITTY

(Instrumental)


2. THE PICKLEWEASEL

He’s coloured green and purple
And lives deep underground
He takes his victims skulls
And piles them in a mound
His unsuspecting prey
He kidnaps in the night
And takes them to his burrow
Lit by lantern light

He is the Pickleweasel
He’ll get you in your sleep
And skin you all alive
And eat your fucking feet
He pickles all the corpses
And hangs them from the ceiling
He is weasel king
And everyone’s kneeling

He sits upon his throne
With a skull full of whisky
He’s also quite partial
To the Polish beer Tyskie
He offers all his prayers
To Chuck Norris, the weasel God
And people say his moon dance
Is beautiful but odd


3. WANK

Wank
Wank, wank, wank

I wanna wank
Wank in your eye
Wank in your ear
Wank in your nose
Wank in your mouth

Wank in your couch
Wank in your mum
Wank in your back door
Wank in your fucking shitter

Let me wank

Please I would like to wank


4. SWALLOW (OR IT'S GOING IN YOUR EYE)

Swallow or it's going in your eye
Stings so bad you wish you could die
Felt this pain a million times
Can't escape the bloodshot line
Gargle or it's going up your nose
In your hair and down your clothes
'Cause the contents of my scrote
Will be emptied down my throat

You need to find in your mind
A way to taste my glue

Swallow or it's going in your eye
Can't resist but at least you can try
Feel my thrusting pole
Explode out of control
Comply or it's going in your ears
A sensation at the peak of your fears
'Cause I know you're the one
That I want to explode upon

Swallow, swallow, swallow my jizz


5. RIK'S DICK

Rik has a small dick.
Where's your prick, Rik?
It makes me sick how much like a stick,
And how unthick you dick is, Rik.

It's as big as a candlestick, Rik.
I bet you pick your dick, Rik.
It really makes me tick how unthick your dick is, Rik.You might as well be a chick, and cut off your dick with a brick, Rik.

I want to kick you in the dick, Rik, but it's too small.


6. ME AND MY IRONING BOARD

Deep in my heart, deep in my soul
There’s something missing, I’m not whole
There is something I don’t have
Nothing for you to grasp
All my nights I can’t sleep
Knowing I am incomplete
I have nothing left to lose
Nothing for your hands to use

I know I can never be
Anymore than you now see
So please don’t tell me lies
When you look into my eyes

Place your hands upon my chest
Say you’ll always love me best
But when your hands find nothing there
Tell me truly you don’t care

Out of my heart, out of my soul
My life is rushing to a close
All around me people see
Everything I fail to be
Can you not see that I am lost?
For my crimes I’ve paid the cost
I wish I could be complete
Become part of the elite


7. DESPERATE URGES

I need to express
My greatest need
All I desire
Is to release

My need to wee

Oh, I feel so strongly about this wee
It’s everything that makes me be
If I did not need this piss
Think of all those things I’d miss
This dripping water in my mind
Makes my desperation rise
If I do not urinate
Soon it will be too late

I miss the sound
I miss the smell
I miss the taste
I miss the texture

Of my pee
Smelly wee

Oh my God it burns
I can’t believe how much it burns
I cannot express
My ultimate distress
I’m just not well
Let’s unleash hell

Unzip me
Free the wee


8. SEND ME WEST

Whoa mate I’m gonna stab ya
Whoa mate I’m gonna break your legs

I go to the park after dark
And I’ll stab ya with my knife
Then I go home and smoke some weed
Then I’ll go screw ya wife

I go outside in my bling bling
Whoa mate I’m the real thing
And with my posse I’m gonna do you over
Go home, get pissed and wake up with a real hangover

I go to the pitch with my bitch
With my Nike trousers tucked into my socks
And then I go home and fuck my bird
‘Cause she’s got some real big knocks

I go home listen to my real big mix
And then I’m gonna mess with my hydraulics
I turn my cap all around
I’m real solid mate and uh...
I’ll bang ya out!


9. BACK TO MY ROOTS

Dearest Mother, dated August the 5th, 1894.

I'm coming to see you soon, Mother.
I hope you're looking forward to it - I sure am.
Mother, it is almost time.
Soon we shall become one.

I'm going back to my roots.
Sewing the seeds for the next generation.
Feet in my Fathers boots.
Now it's time for the swift penetration.

I'm talking motherly love.
She's the who taught me about the birds and the bees,
And now I've grown up, she's getting down on her knees.

Yes please.

She's going to return the sucking favour,
I hope she don't mind.
I'm going to get as much of me back in there as possible,
Maybe leave some behind.

Mother, won't you hear my plea?
Once more to play horsey.
Mother, I've got you to thank,
And now I wish to return the spank.

Mother, you've seen it all before,
But there was no hair last you saw.
Mother, I will tuck myself in and
I want you to give me a hand.

All yours,
Russ

Dearest Mother, September 62nd, 200BC.

Remember my toilet training?
I'm going to wipe my Arse on your silk.
It's time to teach you something,
And now you're going to taste my warm milk.

I want a kiss goodnight.
I am the son that you adore.
Yeah you got that right!
I'm going to widen your birth canal once more.

She's going to return the sucking favour,
I hope she don't mind.
I'm going to get as much of me back in there as possible,
Maybe leave some behind.

Mother, won't you hear my plea?
Once more to play horsey.
Mother, I've got you to thank,
And now I wish you to walk the plank.

Mother, you've seen it all before,
But there was no hair last you saw.
Mother, I will tuck myself in and
I want you to give me a hand.

All yours,
Samuel

Dearest Mother, August the 93rd, 5 million and 2 A.D.

I'm going back in for another 9 months,
This time, I brought lunch.

And my lunch consists of..
The little triangle sandwiches you get,
I always love it when you made them.
Wagon wheels, the blue ones of course,
I always loved the blue ones.

Little pickles. You like little pickles, don't you?
You like little pickles up your cunt!

And a couple of apples,
And bananas in the big shape of a penis.
And, eh, we're also going to take some bread
And a big orange goblin that you can cook
And gut in half and feed it to the dog.

I'm all yours,
Florence

Suck my dummy, Mummy!


10. STRAIN YOUR HEART OUT

Brown empties from my soul
To be sucked through this blackened hole
Eternity breathes a sigh of relief
An ecstasy at the end of grief

The room is enchanted with this blissful smell
Just sigh and give it hell

Strain
Strain your heart out
Pain
In pain you cry and shout
Rain
It rains it’s grief on you
Gain
Nothing to gain or lose

Doom spirals through this world
Destroying everything you’ve hurled
Blasphemy exits from your region
As an evil, tormented demon

The room is annihilated in this horrid despair
You have made this your unloading lair

Spinning turmoil eats your life
Jabbing your muscles like a jagged knife
Blood dripping through your espionage crew
Nothing left for us to do

What can we do?


11. BALLAD OF KELLY

Holy shit you’re fucking disgusting
Your one ring must be rusting
I’d never put my finger inside
The deep dark depths where the orcs all hide
I’m not touching your Mt. Doom
And neither would Orlando Bloom
Cast a spell to hide your face
You’re Middle Earth’s sickest disgrace

Have you ever seen someone so ugly you could die?
So hideous that you could skull-fuck Sauron’s eye
Or do it with a dwarf and get it in his beard
‘Cause a girl who looks like
Smeagol is something to be feared

Hobbits live in hills for reasons
To side from you throughout the seasons
You’re the reason the Ring-Wraiths screech
And fly so high out of reach
I’m not touching your giant eagle
Not with a face like fucking Smeagol
You should be locked up in a cage
So say the Elves, wise and aged


12. ON THE INTERNET

Hey, where have I seen you before?
You're that internet cam whore!
The other day when I was surfing the net
Saw some pics of you getting wet.

Seen your minge! (I've seen your)
Seen your minge! (I've seen your)
Seen your minge! (I've seen your)
Minge On The Internet!

Hey, where do I know you from?
Sure it isn't FacialAbuse.com?
The other day when I was whacking off
Saw some pics of your muff!

Oh, fuck me! Can it be
The girl I saw the night before?
On the net and dripping wet
Showing her tits and all her bits.


13. MY BEST FRIEND

You and me,
Always together.
Hand in hand,
Whatever the weather.

We trek this world,
Our hearts uncurled,
And our souls entwined together.

But who can look into the seeds of time,
And predict which ones will grow?
Who will stand on my frozen heart
And melt away the snow?

My best friend.

You and me,
As we travel far and wide,
Would stand on the beach
And listen to the tide.

We ventured from the start,
With such joy in our hearts.
Until alone, I cried.

But who can look into the seeds of time,
And predict which ones will grow?
Who will stand on my frozen heart
And melt away the snow?

My best friend.

But then you died!
And I tried,
Tried to stop it,
To stop this shit!

But it attacked you,
An insane badger from a bush it flew.
It mauled your face
And left no trace.
No trace of your face.

So I pulled out my gun
And I shot that fucker in the bum!
It's brains came out of it's head.
It lay there, inert and dead.

It killed you, and I killed it.
That fucking piece of shit!

Why? Why die?
Can you justify? Can't justify!

We were so happy, you and I
If only I had known that you would have to die.
All those things I could've said to you.
All those things we could do.

At least I know
We were happy once.

Grrr badgers!


14. FADE AWAY

It all started long ago
I was happy then, I know
There were just the little things
Until the hunger spread its wings
The diameter increase
Just seemed never to then cease
And say that the worst has passed
But my fears are getting vast

Why won’t this all just fade away?
Deep into the blackened night
Why won’t this all just fade away?
When will it all be alright?

So as time sustained a roll
My life was engulfed whole
Everything I used to love
Crushed me flat from above
I found I could not endure
So I ran right for the door
Still my problem seems to be
My problem’s twice as big as me.


15. WANK (ACOUSTIC)

Wank
Wank, wank, wank

I wanna wank
Wank in your eye
Wank in your ear
Wank in your nose
Wank in your mouth

Wank in your couch
Wank in your mum
Wank in your back door
Wank in your fucking shitter

Let me wank

Please I would like to wank