1. WALLS ARE ALL I CAN TURN TO

I wait, but nothing is worthwhile
When I am worthless myself
These walls are all I can turn to
How can I care, when I cannot get out ?
I wish I had died before this day
It's because I am nothing that I stay
Can I take control with these feeble hands of desperate greed ?
That carressed without feeling
And in a fist-only ever held nothing.
The hands of me that tore down beauty
When looking for a mask of glory
And ran from the ruins.
Always rather face the abyss, than face the true anguish.
Its just easier to be pathetic
I have to leave, for emotion has left me
And either way is misery
I test myself with living
Crawling the line of unbearabilty
And I have to keep going
Now I know Ill never be moved by anything.
Sustained away from all in disbelief
I am numb with distance
My heart is missing
What keeps me alive is nothing.
I know the pain is endless
Though Im unconvinced of emotion
I have already died for nothing :
Graceless confession of the broken.


2. MACHINE OF SELF DESTRUCT

Regurgitating pieces of my soul
My sickness of myself always churns
I realised life was limited and thus, began to limit myself
To becoming a machine of self destruct
I lost myself to stay relentless
And yet these tears still fall
But they do not take me away with them.
Emotion no longer moves me
I'm dying within a dead pain
Ive lost the reason to wish I could change.
Within the same old sadness where I cannot be helped
For without something missing: there is nothing there.
My demise is my only thought
How hard I fight the temptation to end it all
Without knowing what I'm fighting for.
Only to stay in a pain Ive had so long
Atleast If I die I wont need this anymore.
The only way through this is to become cold
But walking forward only leads nowhere.
It always gets worse.
Ide give anything to go back
But I have nothing left to offer.
I exsist in a time that has gone
Only in helpless things can I pretend to have hope.
Pain is so worthlessly easy to feel
I endure myself for nothing.


3. HAPPINESS COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN

I am a child of the world
Where nothing matters and everyone hurts
I willingly fall into worthlessness
All thats left to feel is loss.
Still I battle against the consuming cold,
Only to drown in my own blood that falls.
Reason and meaning is replaced with destruction
So I cannot leave this state of mourn.
Endlessly stale my painful soul becomes
I only regret today and I only dread tommorrow.
Death is all that life can promise.
For nothing I burned until I was ash
I am beyond the end
I can never come back.
Now I just use life to tire my body out
And into sleep where the pain isnt felt.
But I cant escape this emptiness.
A fading serenade to sadness,
Drowned out by the monotone hums of distraction.
As I live I forget who I am,
Never knowing why it feels like a loss.
All thats left to do is watch
To atleast witness the death of our misplaced beauty,
And wait, remaining unvisited,
By the ghost of meaning.


4. NO REASON TO WAIT FOR DEATH

Something without a presence in this world
Has ripped inside me and taken everything out
And though Im left empty: it still hurts.
The pain that I cannot be killed by this nothingness
Wandering how it still always gets worse
When now it seems like there has never been happiness.
No one cares about your pain and its all you've got
but even if they did
Nothing could change what you do to yourself.
All is just a way to waste
My time on earth that I hate
I have no reason to wait
I have no reason to wait for death.
So easy to lose myself
So hard to find anything else
Theres nothing beyond my desperation.
I am endlessly gone.
And doing anything not to live
To be impossible I will stay in this torment.
All I can feel is emotion die
I cannot see anything with these tearful eyes
By my own despair : I am blind to life
Its no longer a loss if I'm dying.