1. BURDENING EVERYONE - PART I

Culprit - Deceiver - Betrayer - Liar
Forcer - Rapist - Destroyer - Maimer

Culprit for being way too much
Deceiver for not being able to speak the truth
Betrayer for keeping honesty under the rug
Liar for it is not easy to speak the truth

Forcer - You fucking hurt me
Rapist - My traumas are eternal
Destroyer - Nothing will ever be the same
Maimer - My insides are broken beyond repair

Understand why I don't behave well / Because I don't feel like I belong
There are thousand of ways to make it go away
Like one where I drown myself
There are thousand of ways to make it go away
Like the one where I seclude myself from others and let myself rot

I'm going insane, uncontrolled / the light burns my skin wherever I go
The weight of people's look is massive / I can't bear it, I can't bear it
Chances are I’d go to isolation / maybe it would be better in a fiction

But there are no movies, no heroes, no savior, no candlelight
Just the sight of me in a corner of a room, within eternal night

Sinners, call your brother back / I’m lost in a sea of black
The mud goes all the way / I can't move and I’m surrounded
Help me please, I don't know / help me, I’m not well, no
I can't go out, they will see / they will know and they'll leave

How can I deserve the key to life when I am a burden to everyone
Giving them only but discomfort, awkwardness, dispassion
This door I created from the shards of what they call joy
Doesn't open anything but a void, being my reflection

There's no mirror, there's no image, there's no seasons
I can't behave, enslaved to thoughts which are not mine
They don't understand, my words are monsters
I never belong

I burden everyone
By existing


2. BURDENING EVERYONE - PART II

Exist, what a shallow word. Nothing makes any sense. I'm lost. Completely lost. They say that you could always get help. No.
Not when they leave. They all leave. They will one day, or they did. Counting only on myself does not suffice. I do my best every day but nothing fucking works. I am too fucking old too still feel the same, and my languages are not sufficient to express my emotions. I'm a broken teenager in a wrong, old, feeble body, and for fuck's sake I’m trying, but it doesn't fucking work. Try to exist, to express yourself in a sea of fakeness. Try to be helped when you're so much an empath that you suck all people's negativity. Try to appreciate the world and people when they profit, only profit of yourself, of a situation. Try simply to be, where everything around you is made to destroy you. And people get together, and they might become one entity strong enough to survive. But how is it for me, alone, lonely? Outcast. Breathing an air which stinks your own sweat. Pissing on another side of your shit mattress because you don't want to move. Considering a cardboard box as home, or toilet. Not caring anymore about technology. Leaving people alone because they already left you. Those who come back have so much pity in their eyes that it's a burden for them. Again, a fucking burden to people. J'en ai marre. J'en ai marre putain.