1. AIOKIGAHARA

Thoughts of suicide floating through my head
Constant flow of nightmares, makes it hard to live
No concern
For myself
Inside screams
End this now, you piece of shit!
No sign can save me now, the thoughts in my head are too fucking loud
Waiting for something, I should have done already
Find a rope strong enough, hang myself from the highest branch
Vivid fantasies of choking on my blood
Sucking air through the slit in my throat
This is nothing new, so don't ask so surprised
I hope you all know, that this wasn't an accident


2. DENYING GOD'S PLAN

We're all seeking comfort

But you confide in a god who doesn't love you back
Promised a life beyond served on a silver platter

How do you even make decisions if this is all predetermined?

A lazy path to discovery
Pass the burden on
Weakling and a coward's way out
Not to think for yourself

Don't worry at all
Don't think where to go
'Cause the bible holds the reigns
To your worthless neck


3. WAKING UP FROM A FAILED SUICIDE

Loneliness keeps creeping in
Feelings of desperation
Crippling depression
Can't bring myself to hide anymore

The illusion of wanting to help myself or others is fading rapidly
Falling off the fucking deep end
Trapped in a conscious state but paralyzed
Drowning in this hell

Running out of options
Aim for rock bottom just to see how deep it goes
Hoping to land face first on an unforgiving surface

Waking up from a failed suicide

A lump in my throat and my eyes crusted shut
Limbs are unresponsive and there's no one here to visit


4. NO ESCAPE

Peeling the skin off my face
Inducing vomit hoping to leave my body a shell
Being alive is overbearing
The constant barrage of reality imposing itself upon me

Shit my organs out like flattened roadkill
Blow my brains out the back of my head
Smear my semen on the wall of this prison
Try to claw my way out of myself
All I feel is fucking tension and nothing helps

Reach down my throat and turn it inside out
Exposing myself to everyone around me
No escape


5. STAGNANT PRESENCE

A dull daze
Stagnant and thoughtless
No emotions
No motivation

Whitewashed room
Living to consume

Mold climbs across the ceiling
Engulfing everything
As you sit and watch, it seems rapid but time crawls by the same
The room pulsates and the mold grows

If you valued your life you'd get up and leave
But the mold's more alive than it's lonely observer

Sitting on your ass
Rotting behind cold eyes
Bacteria consume your flesh
Assuming your dead
If it wasn't for that wet spot on the ground
It'd be like you were never even there


6. LEARNING THINGS THE HARD WAY

Like a rubber band, dry and cracked
The slightest pressure, cause me to snap
Teetering on the edge of a cliff, weigh of the world on my neck
Everything hurts and my blood pumps razors through the space behind my eyes
There's no hiding dope sickness
It's fucked up when the solution is the cure
'Cause of the problem
Anxious
Drenched in sweat
Was it worth it?
Did you get what you expected?
Your only escape from the noose
Slice open your arm and pour drugs in
Like chopping off your head
Overdose and you'll never be sick again
Your only escape from the noose is death!


7. SHAMELESS FRAUD

You must be blind 'cause we all see
Through the lies you try to feed
Shameless fucking liar
You're not fooling anyone
Ugly on the inside
Lipstick on a pig
Your stories as shaky as your fucking hands
You can lie through your teeth as I knock them out
As I knock them out
What's the fucking point?


8. OSTRICIZED

Next in line to hate me
Let's hear your reasons asshole
Trace the line around the block
Take your ticket and wait your turn

A fucking laundry list of shit I've done and don't regret
Don't hold your breath for an apology
I won't wait around to watch you suffocate

List of friends grows short
Either fuck off or don't
My patience grows even shorter
Either fuck off or don't
I don't really give a shit
Take your shot while you have it
You ugly fuck, I've been waiting all night

A fucking laundry list of shit I've done and don't regret
Don't hold your breath for an apology
I won't wait around to watch you suffocate


9. LIVING FOREVER

What the fuck is an afterlife?
Futile mechanism for coping with mortality
One day you won't wake up
Fate to accept
Soon you'll shit the bed
Nothing but a mess for your family to clean up

If you want to live forever do something worth remembering or disappear for good
You've lead a trivial existence
I fear dying but I don't fear death
Welcome the eternal nothingness with open arms

A blank slate born into existence
Coated in your mother's blood
Given nothing except a chance that I choose to squander everyday

Born with nothing and you die the same
Except what you left behind and you chose to waste all your time


10. WAKING UP (...AGAIN)

Black clouds slowly give way
Reality seeps in again
Dazed, shaken up, why do I always seem to wake up?
The awkward silence of morning
And the sun is back
More terrifying than my dreams
Trapped in the same place for another grueling day
My brains still soaked in booze and I'm every bit as miserable
Blissfully I start to trail off...worry free til something else comes up

Inevitably the feelings of dread come back
Eyelids grown heavy, scratching til I see blood
Needling presence makes me forget everything I love
Gnawing at my sanity for countless time
Why did I have to wake up?
I can't fucking bear it anymore
Wanting the world to collapse and destroy my body
So I won't have to feel this way or think these thoughts ever again