1. MAMMOGRAMS ARE GAY

It's an excuse to whip out your boobs in front of other chicks


2. NASTY WOMAN

Just look at the way she's talking back
Undignified
Poor Bill


3. BEFORE I PROCEED, I'D LIKE TO HEAR THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT AGAINST CERVICAL CANCER

Is it the kind of thing where you can grab it really hard and it will go away or something?
Yuck!


4. FLIP YOUR PANTIES!

Flip your panties!


5. THE FAT PICTURE

Look at the picture!
Do you remember?
Have to be thinner now,
Or you can't work here.
Have you been slacking?
Hopeful daydreaming?
Still have the evidence of you remaining!
Here in the drawer
Right in your face
Never forget your disgrace!


6. IF I DON'T RESPECT WOMEN, THEN HOW COME I OWN A BEAUTY PAGEANT?

Let's keep it simple, girls.
Rocket scientists need not apply.


7. SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS KNOW SOME WOMEN THAT THEY STILL HAVE YET TO SEXUALIZE

I know some guys.
I don't even think they're gay dudes.
Like Pence for instance.
I mean, I think.


8. THE TRUMP RULE

You cannot escape
The line
As you promenade
For me.
You must learn your proper place!
Ladies?


9. WORKING WIVES

Dangerous idea.
What if I get bored?
When they get uppity,
I say it's time to leave.


10. WHOM I'D SLEEP WITH 2000 (IN ORDER)

Melania Knauss
Ivanka Trump
Princess Diana
Michelle Pfeiffer
Cameron Diaz
Julia Roberts
Cindy Crawford
Mariah Carey
Gwyneth Paltrow
Diane Sawyer

You lucky Gals!