1. URANUS INFECTION

[Spoken Intro: Jarrod]
Hello? Who's there? Oh please...
Oh, it's just space zombies

We are not alone
This is the end of the world as we know it

They came down on a starry night
Pale green skin and dead behind the eyes
I wanted to believe, and now I do
They’re gonna eat your face
And stick their probes inside of you
Deep inside of you

Unidentified flying object
A bullet to the brain will nothing to stop the harvest

We won’t escape alive
Can’t you see the government lied?
Mankind will face total annihilation
They never came in peace
We’re not immune to the disease
Extrasolar viral contamination

Society crumbles and I’m left alone
With Martian cannibals outside of my home

[Interlude: Jarrod, Mike]
Th-Th-They're breaking in!
We need to bar the doors. Quick, grab a hammer and some nails!
I don't own those things
What?!
I'm not good with tools
Jarrod, you ignorant slut!
Dude, I'm sorry! Jeez, give me a break

Houston, we have a problem
I don’t own a shotgun
We are not alone

Bright lights overhead
The tractor beam pulls me in

We won’t escape alive
Can’t you see the government lied?
Mankind will face total annihilation
They never came in peace
We’re not immune to the disease
Extrasolar viral contamination

Trapped by the abomination
I’m strapped to a table for experimentation
Trembling in fear for what’s to come
But what they reveal made my body go numb
A small slim-fit Hot Topic tee
Cartoon monsters all vomiting
He leans in and says, “Could you please rep my band?
You’d actually be doing us a real solid, man”

I don’t wanna wear this neon t-shirt
Anything but a neon t-shirt
The bright colors hurt my eyes
I’d rather get probed a thousand times
Go
Might’ve been cool in 2007

Speaking of 2007...


2. REWIND TO 2007

Let's re-read the very first chapter
Flip back to the other page
Nine years it's been since the good ole' bands
First took to the stage
I was in middle school
They made me feel so cool
I never thought that those days would end

What ever happened to super simple breakdowns?
Repetition made us leave our hometowns
Nostalgia is one hell of a drug
I know that I'm old enough to be a dad
But I'll straighten my hair
Throw my arms in the air
The Windmill still looks super rad

Alesana, All Time Low and Paramore
That was a killer Warped Tour
I can't believe that I missed Chiodos

Let's re-read the very first chapter
Flip back to the other page
Nine years it's been since the good ole' bands
First took to the stage
I was in middle school
They made me feel so cool
I never thought that those days would end

Scene Queen, you have 40,000 friends
You'll make my Top 8 with a
Bulletin about my band
Back when Skrillex was Sonny Moore
And "RAWR" meant "I love you" in Dinosaur
Back when my layout was sick as hell
And my name was xXJarrodJealousyXx

PC4PC!

Do you want to watch some Invader Zim?
I made you a cookie but I eated it

D0000000000000D, d00d
Everybody's making fun of me
You think you're better wearing khaki shorts
Instead of wearing skinny jeans
Just like when I was 15
You think that you're a special snowflake
But you're honestly just a scene

Can you believe this dude still listens to scene music?
Ugh, I know. He needs to listen to real bands that are actually innovating like Neck Deep and Real Friends
Dude, you listen to Real Friends?
Yeah, man. They're like totally underground and unknown
Dude, that's sick!

This is the third breakdown!
A preschooler could play this
1
1 2
1 2 3
1 2 3 4
I can count to 4
I am good at math


3. THESE BORDERS DON'T TRUMP

They're bringing drugs
They're bringing crime
They're rapists
Our only choice is to
Build that wall

I'll make them pay for it

Blegh

These borders won't be
Paved with gold
We have to build something
That will always hold
Hardened concrete, rebar and steel
I wrote 'The Art of the Deal'
With a small loan of $1,000,000
I build a name for myself
It's on my towers
There's not a single person
Better than me
I'm the only choice for the presidency

I will always beat China
China, China, China, China
China! China!
We have to deal with China
China, China, China, China
China! China!

I can make it
Like it was back then
If we can just take a stand
And make America great again
Eeeekkkghghkkeeghaahh

Vote for me
And I'll change the world

I will always beat China
China, China, China, China
China! China!
We have to deal with China
China, China, China, China
China! China!

Terrorists are going to
Kill all of our children
The only way to keep them safe
Is to deport Muslims
And keep them away

Drone strikes
In the Middle East
We have to take out
All their families
I literally said this on
Fox & Friends
But my polls are great
And I'll probably win

We'll build a wall
And make it tall
We'll build a wall
My hands aren't small

"They're regular sized."


4. WRITE THE SCIENCE

We are the immortal beings
Reconnecting with everything

Write the science

Oh
Eeeeeeehyah

Natural laws of the universe
I will control the physical world
Matter, energy, space and time
I will remember Lord Xenu's crime
Regain awareness of the past
Trillion years of knowledge I've amassed
Operating Thetans unite
Unlocking new abilities
Telepathy, immortality and flight

Galactic overlord, we submit to you
Back when Earth was called Teegeeack
The "Wall of Fire," Incident II
Beware the R-9 implant
Pneumonia will kill you
Hydrogen bombs in volcanoes
Don't solve the puzzle
Trust that it's true

Achieve the native state
75,000,000 years
You must prepare for auditing
With the electro-psychometer
Thetan Level III

(Yee-haw!)

Tax-exempt offerings of $300,000
This is the only way to access
The advanced technology
Generous contributions
Will set you free

I'll have you know
That if you betray our belief system
Or access the internet without permission
You will be excommunicated!
Your family will disown you
And we will send enforcers to your private residence
And we will hire a team of lawyers
To literally sue the shit out of you
Until you have nothing, nothing at all

Galactic overlord, we submit to you
Back when Earth was called Teegeeack
The "Wall of Fire," Incident II
Beware the R-9 implant
Pneumonia will kill you
Hydrogen bombs in volcanoes
Don't solve the puzzle
Trust that it's true

We are the immortal beings
Reconnecting with everything
We are the immortal beings
We will write the science


5. THE SWIMMER (ACOUSTIC)

Beneath the surface
I have found true despair
As my lungs fill with water
And I gasp out for air

The life in my eyes begins to fade
As my inner transgressions remain unpaid

I can't feel my own skin
Drowning in the undertow
(The undertow)
I'll never make it out alive
Will you revive me?

I can't breathe
The weight of the world is pulling me under
Keep my head above water
So I can see you again

The waves crash upon me
Over and over, over and over
And I'm drowning in the sunset, baby
Will you revive me?

My fate is one that only I will know
I feel the wrath of all that lies below
I think a shark just swam right by my leg (What the fuck!)
When will you realize that this is the end?

On a ship, lost at sea
This storm is heading for me
In an ocean of my fears
Not a single life jacket here

I've fallen off the edge
I never learned how to swim
I kick and I scream
Caught in the rip tide
Deeper and deeper, I need a lifeguard (or something...)
I need them here

Contact the Coast Guard
No, seriously, help!
I'm not that buoyant
I need you to revive me

I can't breathe
The weight of the world is pulling me under
Keep my head above water
So I can see you again

The waves crash upon me
Over and over, over and over
And I'm drowning in the sunset, baby
Will you revive me?

Yeeeeaaaah, alright
Grab your partner and gather 'round
We're about to go downtown
This is how we do it in Tennessee
Watch carefully and play that cowbell
Yeehaw!
Needs more cowbell
Faster!
Eeeeeeeeyaaaah!
Red solo cups and chewing tobacco

BONUSTRACK

6. SUCK MY 4O1K (FEAT. CHRIS LINCK OF ATTILA)

Investment is the purchase of an asset or an item with the hope that it will generate income or appreciate in the future and be sold at the higher price and generally does not include deposits with a bank or similar institution which is opposite of trading or speculation, which are short-term practices involving a much higher degree of risk. Financial assets take many forms and can range from the ultra safe low return government bonds to much higher risk and higher reward international stocks, and a good investment strategy will diversify the portfolio according to the specified needs and regardless of the success of a fundamental pick, full potential of the asset cannot be reached without a proper money management strategy. Investments can be made through indirect intermediaries such as pension funds, banks, brokers, and the insurance companies which are institutions that may pool money received from a large number of individuals into funds like unit trusts and SICAVs

That may have been too much to take in
So let’s just go real slow and I’ll show you where I’ve been
I’ve got college for my kids and retirement covered
You should start investing early, get ahead of the others
Ask your CPA about
Stocks, bonds, mutual funds, real estate
Analyze potential assets with sufficient research
Always make sure you identify
The risks related to your

Investing
Keep watching, look at my money managing strategy
Examine my liquid assets
Investing
Keep watching, look at my money managing strategy
Examine, my liquid assets now

Why get rich quick when you can take your time?
There’s no upside to committing financial crimes
Look out for pyramid schemes
They’re unsustainable
If it seems too good to be true
Contact the Federal Trade Commission
Take control of your finances

Investing
Keep watching, look at my money managing strategy
Examine my liquid assets
Investing
Keep watching, look at my money managing strategy
Examine, my liquid assets now

[Guest solo - Chris Linck)

Take financial responsibility
Retire early with a happy family

There’s a tradeoff between risk and return. You can maximize expected returns by investing in risky assets, or you can be wise and minimize risk and find a more suitable strategy somewhere in between both of the extremes of the investing spectrum


7. THE SWIMMER

Beneath the surface
I have found true despair
As my lungs fill with water
And I gasp out for air

The life in my eyes begins to fade
As my inner transgressions remain unpaid

I can't feel my own skin
Drowning in the undertow
(The undertow)
I'll never make it out alive
Will you revive me?

I can't breathe
The weight of the world is pulling me under
Keep my head above water
So I can see you again

The waves crash upon me
Over and over, over and over
And I'm drowning in the sunset, baby
Will you revive me?

My fate is one that only I will know
I feel the wrath of all that lies below
I think a shark just swam right by my leg (What the fuck!)
When will you realize that this is the end?

On a ship, lost at sea
This storm is heading for me
In an ocean of my fears
Not a single life jacket here

I've fallen off the edge
I never learned how to swim
I kick and I scream
Caught in the rip tide
Deeper and deeper, I need a lifeguard (or something...)
I need them here

Contact the Coast Guard
No, seriously, help!
I'm not that buoyant
I need you to revive me

I can't breathe
The weight of the world is pulling me under
Keep my head above water
So I can see you again

The waves crash upon me
Over and over, over and over
And I'm drowning in the sunset, baby
Will you revive me?

Yeeeeaaaah, alright
Grab your partner and gather 'round
We're about to go downtown
This is how we do it in Tennessee
Watch carefully and play that cowbell
Yeehaw!
Needs more cowbell
Faster!
Eeeeeeeeyaaaah!
Red solo cups and chewing tobacco


8. SAVE MY LIFE

Just hold on!

Do you ever feel so alone
Like a broken statue, your path unknown
Have you ever been so far down
Like you're thrown away and kicked around
Stand by your brothers and they will pick you up
But always look to me when you’re not strong enough
Take my hand and I’ll show you the way out

Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh
I am your everything, your one foundation
Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh
I am the voice of your generation
Stand with me, become the person you were always meant to be
Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh
I am the voice of your generation

If you feel like you’re broken
Like a fallen branch in isolation
If you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders
I can pick you up off the ground
I am the cure to every sadness, I am protection from every fear
I am the cure to all diseases, I am your only true salvation
Take my hand and I’ll show you the way out
Take my hand or you’ll fade away

Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh
I am your everything, your one foundation
Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh
I am the voice of your generation
Stand with me, become the person you were always meant to be
Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh
I am the voice of your generation

[Spoken Interlude]
If you ever had a dream, the dream to be somebody
If you have a hard time at school
Always believe in yourself, and let my voice guide you into the light

Reborn from the ashes, you are who I say you are
Look up in the sky, my unstoppable power guides you
Lift up your hands and bow before me
Through your insecurities I will reign supreme

Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh
I am your everything, your one foundation
Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh
I am the voice of your generation
Stand with me, become the person you were always meant to be
Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh
I am the voice of your generation


9. MISOGYNERIC (FEAT. MATTIE MONTGOMERY OF FOR TODAY)

Chivalry is dead

You always go for bad boys, bad boys
You owe me for all the things that I’ve done
I was better than everyone
Don’t say I’m like a brother to you
I deserve more, I have nothing to prove
You know, real men have class and swag is for boys
I’m not a jerk, I’m not a douchebag
I don’t belong in this friend zone

M'lady
In case you haven't noticed
I’m a nice guy
I’m a nice guy
Bitch

I never gave you up, I never let you down
I never ran around and deserted you
I’m entitled to your affection

If I could make you feel how I felt when you stabbed me in the back
And I could look you in the face with these bloodshot eyes
This one time, I would say -
Right to your face, right now, in this very moment
If I could tell you one thing before I walk out the door
With my last dying breath, I'd tell you -
Very carefully, without hesitation
This one thing that I’m going to tell you right now
If you only knew how ready I was to say that -
If I was the last person on earth
And you were the other last person on earth
Then you wouldn’t be ready for when these words hit you
In just a second, I’m gonna do it, here it is -

I don't like you


10. I'M SO SCENE 2.0 (FEAT. JOHNNY FRANCK OF THE MARCH AHEAD)

Let's go!

My style doesn't blend
Haters get mad when I start a trend
Cause I'm still tight without my skinny jeans
Fashion won't define me by any means
I've got my guitars tuned down to drop C
If you want to be scene, then sing with me

If you want to be like me just auto-tune everything
Bang your head and you will see that being scene will set you free
I'm so scene, I'm so scene
Just give me more synth and more metalcore riffs
Here's comes another breakdown that you just can't miss

And we're back to the intro
Let's break it down
This is the part where you start climbing heads and we jog in place
You've probably heard this chord before
Deeper and deeper
Now let's sing

If you want to be like me just auto-tune everything
Bang your head and you will see that being scene will set you free
I'm so scene, I'm so scene
Just give me more synth and more metalcore riffs
Here's comes another breakdown that you just can't miss

Oh my god, it’s 2015
This joke is so old, rehashed and retold
Crabcore died with me
Kill all your friends! Go!

Slow it down
We need some more double bass
Slower
If scene is dead then consider us zombies
I'm not done


11. HEY JARROD, WHAT'S THAT SONG AGAIN?

Maybe we, why don’t we, rip you off for half an hour
We'll speak of what a thief I am, and how we stole your songs again
And yet I've made hundreds of dollars
The downloads run behind closed doors with shadows
I’m gonna steal them all I can grasp
More and more, your new music is in my hands
Burn, baby burn, blank CDs, blank CDs and I'm selling it to earn
Oh my God
I’ll steal this from you
I’ll steal this from you
Sighs escape your sweet voice as I
Steal this one last rhyme
They say that you own this chorus, this chorus is all that I need
Please stay as long as it’s for me
Sitting in this room ripping Ronnie Radke
Finger on the trigger to originality
I’d write all my songs but I haven’t gotten caught yet
This copyright infringement is something I cannot forget
This is plagiarism, will we ever see the end
This is plagiarism, over and over, again and again
I'll see you in the courtroom
I'll see you in the courtroom

[Instrumental Bridge]

Bands, fear me
I am the one that will steal your songs
And once you know, sue me
It’s very clear I did something wrong
Disrespect copyright laws
I've transposed this song rhyme for rhyme
In singing all the lyrics that you make
These are the big bucks I will acquire
Convenient how I always get paid this way
The lawyer you'll find, you’ll wanna fire
Don't you see that you can’t stop me
(Whoah!, Whooah! Whoooah!)
This is not what we wrote, it’s not even ours
I need this verse, like a thief I will make them mine
I’ll take those, I’ll take those
I’m an entrepreneur
I need to steal your voice
I’ll see to the downfall of your songs!

Downfall of your songs!
Downfall of your songs!
Downfall of your songs!
Downfall of your songs!