I think I went a little nuts.
Today is the day: your best friend's funeral. Don't text while driving; that lesson has certainly hit close to home. You had hoped it would be the other way around, but sadly, you have to freshen yourself up for the occasion. One
Tuxedo with your signature rose, which you always picked from Miss Smith's front yard, and you are off.
You don't know this, so I might as well tell you now: Miss Smith absolutely hated you. She pays one of the employees at the
Funeral home to rig your best friend's coffin with a device which shoots hydrochloric
Acid at the
Push of a button.
You walk into the
Funeral home. You wave to Miss Smith, and stand at the coffin. You
Wish your friend goodbye and other things when Miss Smith triggers the device. The
Acid splashes your face and melts much of it, but you are still very much alive. You clench your face, but the
Pain is too much to endure, so you fall to the floor. At this point, some kid walks up to you with the deodorant spray daddy always kept with him which he steals. He manages to unscrew the cap, release the pressure and dump the whole thing into your face because you
Scream the words "My face! It's burning up!" You get up and actually make it to the gurney under your own power.
You wake up in the hospital just fine, except three days later and that Miss Smith's face is stitched where yours used to be. She felt remorseful, so she killed herself and left her face to you. Lucky you. You smell yourself and the
Stench is horrible, so you pick up the deodorant can your friends left in the care package. You start to put it on, but your face hasn't quite healed, so it starts to hurt. You spray some into the open wound by mistake, and it hurts more, so you slam the deodorant can into the side of the bed, creating a dent in the can. The pressure from this dent brakes the valve, spraying deodorant into the cut again. You get even more angry, so you get up and walk around with the can at
Hand in a fit of rage. You spike it to the ground and it explodes. One of the shards from the can, about four inches long, lands in your eye and you clench it while leaning back. The nurses left the window open because the air conditioner wasn't working today, and unfortunately you fall out of the window onto the grass fifteen feet below. The shard is
Impaled into your brain through your eye socket when you land on your face.
The
Blood you leak smells sweet to the local coyotes. They drag away your
Corpse and make sure it is never seen again.
Kill me with my own contact lenses.
