1. STAY ALONE

Saint Jude look down on me
Cause I am just like you
A broken man with nothing to lose

A lost cause
Or nothing at all ?
Just nights wasted
Waiting up for your call.

I only know it's the bottom because I feel at home
Cause this hopelessness is all I've ever known
Even in my best dreams I'm still all alone
And all my fucking friends have moved on on their own

You think I would have learned by now
To plant my roots in fucking fertile ground
But this soil is barren
And when I needed you, you weren't around

"I hope you're happy
Spending tonight all alone
When everyone you love
Has someone else to hold."

"Well things can't always stay the same."
Isn't that what you said ?
Is he that much better
That you'd rather have his love instead ?

No more waiting for your call
No more circling the phone
No more you and me at all
I should have fucking stayed alone

Knees bled begging
Hands covered in dirt
If I'd have just stayed alone.
I would've never gotten hurt


2. PSYCHO-SEMANTICS

This heart to heart left me
With a chest wide open
And now I'm drowning in
Words unspoken

I was just a thought running through your mind
Because I thought I was yours
And that would make you mine
I realize I'm just a waste of your time
Another sucker strangled on your line.
My face is turning blue
I'm running out of time
I can't live this life without you by my fucking side.
My face is turning blue
I’m running out of time
I can’t live this life without you so I’ll just take mine.

Give them back
How could I be so naive ?
How can I even sleep
When you stole my dreams


3. OBJECT PERMANENCE THEORY

I spent all night writing my suicide note;
Detailing all the steps I took to gather the rope
And tie it tightly to the rafters, looping it around my neck, kick the chair out and hang till I choke
Fuck.
I’ve still got
a fucking ocean inside of my head
I still think
that Im worthless, and better off dead
I’m still a nervous wreck
Still begging to get strung up by my neck

But I’m already hanging on every word that you said
And so ashamed of this pathetic life I’ve lead.

What the fuck did you mean
"I'll never let go"
I'm all alone
Alone is all I've ever known
What the fuck did you mean
You'd never let go ?
You're gone now
And I've got nowhere to go

I'm worn out
Beaten by sleepless nights
Exhausted hours spent trying to put up a fight
Tired from a life spent pretending it’s all alright
I can't remember the last time I felt at home
I can't remember the last time I had someone to hold
I'm all alone now, living life on my own
I've passed up every chance I had to grow.

I believe that people change
Or else we would have stayed the same
Hand in hand and I would still be
Enchanted by your name.
But people change for no good reason

And your ghost has left me cursed.

I live my life from the back of a hearse

I lost the game, I gave up first

I believe that people change
But only for the worse.


4. A SONG FOR THE SPINELESS

Let's talk about betrayal
And being dead inside

I will rip out your eyes
And fucking feed them to you
So you can see what it's like living in a nightmare, too

You were family
A fucking brother you see
We once saw eye to eye
But look where that got me
It broke my legs
Left me blind
So I couldn't watch you turn your back
When you left me behind

You know where this is going
"I'm such a nervous wreck"
I'm a waste of life
Who deserves to get strung up by the neck
Not this time,
Not this time
You're gonna fucking see
You fucked with the wrong person
When you fucked with me.

Down on your fucking knees
A lifeless corpse is all you'll ever be
How can you say we were family
When all we share now
Is everything you took from me

This is my revenge
Payback for all your lies
You can't run, you can't hide
You can't speak, you can't lie.
I will buckle both your knees
And break toes till you scream

I'll bury you just like
you buried my dreams
I'll do all things to you
That your words did to me


5. INSOMANIACAL

I'm sick of finding happiness in lonely days
Hating myself and dwelling on my mistakes

And I'm tired of jumping at the phone
Even though it's never your call
But if it weren't for the bad days
I'd never get out of bed at all


6. OBSESSIVE OVERTHINKING

I was put on this earth
to hurt and cause hurt
born from waste to rest in dirt,
That is all I’m worth

I’ve spent years living life as a ghost
Proof to myself I’m what I hate the most

I’d give anything to have a fucking purpose
To wake up one morning not feeling fucking worthless
Every day’s a waste and the nights are the same
What’s the point of starting over when I’ll still be to blame.

Remember when I said I learned from my mistakes ?
I lied; I’m still pathetic, still a fucking fake.
Still have my head underwater, still gasping for breath
Still a man on the edge, still seconds from death.

I've always been obsessive
A slave to routine
Planning out my deathbed since I was seventeen

My deathbed’s my own
I’ve made my grave my home
If I couldn’t change for you
Or for what we could be
I don’t see the point in trying to breathe.


7. I AM SO SAD. SO VERY, VERY SAD

Sing me that song again
About how in the end
"Maybe we can just be friends”

But we can't; I'm just a dead end

I'm born from dirt
Beaten, broken and hurt
I’ve lived this life knowing
I'll die for nothing
Cause that's what I'm worth

Ashes to ashes
We all fall down
Ashes to ashes
Someone put me In the ground

Ashes to ashes dust to dirt
All I'll ever know is hurt
You held my head under the waves
Replaceable, I took your word
One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four
Put me in the ground let me sleep forever more
Drain the fluids from my wrist
Tell me why I should exist

If there was a book I could read
Or words I could say
Any-fucking-thing to make me change my ways
I'd do it all in a second and never look back
But you’d be there to remind me of the things that I lack.

How can I learn from my past
When I can’t look back ?
I’ll call this the end
As it all fades to black


8. SAD MAX : BEYOND BUMMERDOME

My whole life I've played victim
Claimed the innocent one
That's not right,
Truth is I was the one with the gun

Caught in the act, red handed
What do I do now
When who I am catches up
With all the things that I’ve done ?

I've been looking for love in all the wrong places
Trusting every soft hand
And too many kind faces

But here we go again
I thought you were the one,
How do I cope with loss
When it was me who fucked up ?
I’m still not over you, and I’ll never be.
I still trace back the guilt; it always starts with me.
So what now ?
I guess it’s back to the gallows.

Relax ? Relax ?
Don't fucking tell me that.
After I pulled out the knife
That you left in my back.
Fine ? Fine ?
Don't fucking waste my time.
Because of you I lost all my friends
And I'm losing my mind.

Life forced blame down my throat
Filled my stomach with guilt
Put my conscience to sleep
And loaded my palms with these pills
One by one they go down
But they don’t fucking make a change
How do I find peace of mind when I’m fucking deranged ?


9. A DISEASE CURED BY BLOODLETTING

I wish I could bleed my family name
Out from inside of my veins
So my father and mother would know no shame

I'm a waste of my father's face
A fucking bitter taste
Stuck to your tongue
Like a flavor you hate

How can I love you
When I can't love myself
Where do I go
When I'm locked out of hell

I’m nothing but filth,
a monster drowning in guilt
A fucking waste of life
Not worth the space I fill.
Uuuuugh.
I never wanted to let down the ones I love.
I never thought I’d be the one who’s not enough.

For twenty three fucking years I swore sobriety
Twenty three years, look at where It got me :
I lost all hope, I lost my friends, I lost my family
I lost the light inside my eyes, I lost my sanity
What do I do when my goals have turned to nightmares ?
What now when every face is made of blank stares ? Fuck

I just want to bleed out my family name
So my parents don’t have to be ashamed

I am a liar
I am a fake
I am letdown
I am a thief.

I am an introvert.


10. MULLIGAN//THE INTROVERT

I thank god every day
That every seven years
The cells in my body fade
And soon enough
Not a single one will have seen your face.

Follow the leader
Fall in line
I've fallen so many times
I'm losing my mind
If I said I was sorry would the outcome change in any way ?
If it would I'd say sorry every single day
I'm sorry I'm pathetic
I'm sorry I lied
I'm sorry that I'm anxious
I'm sorry I tried.
She was every happy moment
She was every dollar spent
She is Anxiety.
Still killing me slowly.

Help Me,
Oh, Help Me
You know how hard it is
Just to grab your neck
While you’re kicking me
Laying on your back ?

I don’t know who I am anymore.

I Am An Introvert.

Gun to my head
Squeeze it till its dry
My life is a death sentence.
Why do I even try ?