1. STOP SMILING

Happy robots say "life is fine"
They're the ones I loathe
They're stupid or they're lying
Or a little bit of both

Ignore disasters and say that life is great
It never stops the smile on your shit consuming faces

The stupid fucking hippies
Too stoned to see their lives are fucked
Going with the flow
Into the shitter they are sucked
And then they got these magic crystals
Don't do a god damn thing
Just stinking of pachoulli
While they choke on their ginseng

Beating on a drum
You sing of quiet and peace,
Burning marijuana
And take the time to hug a tree,
Say no possessions,
But get all that you can,
You stink like shit and smile through it
Don't ever trust a happy man

Cheery retard masses,
With evil Osmond smiles
Way too glad to be
Cuz "He" is on your side
And then they hand out propaganda
For sheep to join the cult,
Collecting guns,
They rapt your daughters
But nobody's at fault

Beating on a drum
You sing of quiet and peace,
Burning marijuana
And take the time to hug a tree,
Say no possessions,
But get all that you can,
You stink like shit and smile through it
Don't ever trust a happy man

I don't want to go to heaven,
It's filled with pricks like you
I won't go inside the gates,
Leave me in the waiting room

I'm sure that God hates you too
He thinks your an obsessed fan
See how you are?

I'll never trust a happy man
Never trust a happy man


2. IT'S A FACT

You know when your sure
That no one gives a crap,
Your on the right track
It's a fact

And when you believe,
Things are good
It's guaranteed
You're up your ass
It's a fact

Morons through
The world,
And it's shitty place
No one ever asked to be born
It's a fact

You know every time
You think you've got it right,
Your totally wrong
It's a fact

And when you really try
The efforts misapplied
Or there's a catch
It's a fact

When you've got a sure thing,
Your sure to fuck it up
It's one thing you can count on every time
It's a fact

What can you do?
Absolutely nothing
Don't even try to amount to something
It will never work and Hitler is a jerk,
And soon we'll all be dead anyway
It's a fact
You suck

In five billion years
The sun will explode
It's in the bible
It's a fact

And no one will know
That we were ever here
It's a fact
It's a fact

So rest assured in knowing
That what you do don't matter
Some one can do it better anyway
It's a fact

It's a fact


3. MARRY ME

Young girl says to her mom,
How did you know that father was the one?"
Then mom just rolls her eyes
She says, "You'll find that special guy"
But to herself she cannot lie
She says, "I'm praying for the day I die
And they bury me"

Then boy become a man
He finds that special one who understands
He knows 'twas meant to be
Her faults he cannot see &
Now he's down on bended knee
I pledge my love eternally,
Will you marry me?

Do you take this woman?
I don't!
Do you take this man?
I don't!
For the rest of your awful life
She is your lawful wedded wife

Do you take this woman?
I don't!
Do you take this man?
I don't!
Eternal agony in holy matrimony

The two now joined as one
And from this holy union comes a son
And the cycle begins again,
Another fool is on his knee
Where is my alimony?
Hang yourself from the family tree,
Say marry me

Menopause, mid-life crisis,
Moments for the rest of your life
'Til death do you part,
'Til the kids leave home she is your wife
(June?)

Just look at your parents strife
Imagine that for the rest of your life
Do you take this women?
Indubitably I don't


4. ALLAH

Allah! Allah! Allah! Allah!
I studied carefully,
And I do believe
The best of heavens is to except is Islam

I hope that book is right
They promise paradise
I'm going for the bonus
Of a martyr's reward

And when I fight
I know he makes me strong
And when I die
I know I can't be wrong

I know my only chance is
Allah! Allah! Allah! Allah!

The prophet has summoned us to attack
He said we must in his defense
Against those who don't believe

The last day grows near
My belief takes away the fear
I made the right choice
My God's the only God

And when I fight
I know he makes me strong
And when I die
I know I can't be wrong

I know my only chance is
Allah! Allah! Allah! Allah!

When the infant girl buried alive
Is asked for which crime she is slain
When the records of men's deeds
Are laid open and heaven is stripped bare
When hell burns fiercely and paradise is brought here
Then each soul will know what it has done

It's time to party with
Allah! Allah! Allah! Allah!


5. TASTES LIKE CHICKEN

First I think of my health,
Then I know some food I have to buy
I'm taking the time, taking the time to understand
Why you and me were never meant to eat a bird that fly's

How does it make you feel?
To take a life for just one meal
The deal, two drumsticks and a breast
just leave you so depressed that I must stress
Do not eat the chicken!

Now back to my health
I really don't need the vegetable
All covered in filth,
It's almost uneatable

Meat makes you strong
So strong that you can say
Who's the man? Who's the man now?
50 serving from just one cow

How does it make you feel?
To take a life for just one meal
The deal, two drumsticks and a breast
Just leave you so depressed that I must stress
Do not eat the chicken!

I can taste the feathers in my mouth
Such a waste of time
1 life
1 meal should be a crime

Eat a bigger bird
1 turkey - 10 people can be served
I don't care how they're raised,
hormone injected do not phase me
You can stuff your free range chickens
I wont eat a bird that fly's

How does it make you feel?
To take a life for just one meal
The deal, two drumsticks and a breast
Just leave you so depressed that I must stress
Do not eat the chicken!


6. (BUT THEN) SHE SPOKE

There she stood
She was a vision
A picture of perfection
So I made the big decision

I'm going to talk to her
I have to show to her it could be magic
And I got the nerve up

So went over there
She was a goddess
I had to show to her I could be her Adonis
At first sight I knew she was my destiny
The first time the feeling has come over me

Intimidation, feared rejection
I need to make a love connection
Then the unexpected had occurred
And then it happened

And she spoke
And it all just went to hell
Her personality quickly broke the spell
So disillusioned
And I came to the conclusion
She was garbage wrapped in loveliness
Leaving me so unimpressed

If she don't shut up
I'm gonna throw up
All over her shoes

How could it be?
That such a goddess would ever talk to me
And make me nauseous
All the things she said
Just echoed in my head
I thought she was an angle,
But it was all just misread

Every word was terrible,
And made it more unbearable
And made me have to leave the f-ing room

And it's all because she spoke
Tortured by her words
Such a pretty shithead
That I wished I never heard

Perfect on the outside
But fucked on the in
How can god be so cruel?
It's got to be a sin

I had to plug my ears,
Until she disappears
So I can cry - Waahh!

And it's all because she spoke
It all just went to hell
Her personality quickly broke the spell
So disillusioned
That I came to the conclusion
She was garbage wrapped in loveliness
Leaving me so unimpressed

I was destined to learn my lesson
And I learned it well

Never think she's perfect till you talk to her first
Never fall in love till you go through her purse
Never think she's perfect till you talk to her first
And I should know


7. HOW (DID THIS LOSER GET THIS JOB)

I know it's just a figure of speech
But if your breath and your clothes are bad
Your destined to teach

I see the president
I see Lincoln
What the hell was 43% of this place thinking

We watch the shuttle launch
Read J.D. Salinger
I know one teacher I wish was on the Challenger

How- How- How- How- How- How-
How did this loser get this job?

Check his references,
That's all I'm saying
I think my parents deserve more
For what their paying

He works till 3:00
It's such a racket
All you need are Dockers and
A Members Only jacket

How- How- How- How- How- How-
How did this loser get this job?

Unprepared,
Drunk you swindle academe
All you wanna do
Is wrestle with the football team

Pass out towels like communion
You're protected by the kid molesters union
How- How- How- How- How- How-
How did this loser get this job?


8. HUNGRY FOR YOU

Hey baby
Where you going tonight?
And are you taking me with you?

I love you so much
I want you to know
I really love you so
I want you to be my lady forever
And ever and ever and ever

Little girl
I want you
So bad I can taste it in my food

I think your great
I really want you to know
I always want you around

I think about you every single night
When I'm sleeping on the couch
In my bed
Every time I watch TV
All I have
I got you in my head
All I think is of you

I love you
I fuckin love you,
Your my Pumpkin
And I want to squeeze you

So baby
Where we going out tonight?
Are you taking me to get some food?

I want you to pay for me
I've got no job
I'm so hungry for you
For you
For you

Hey baby
Where we going out tonight?
Are we gonna go eat?
Everything will be alright

I love you so much I want you to know
I never really ever wanna let you go,
You're my Pumpkin for 6 weeks now
And all I want to share is a large cow,
With cheese, with you,
Because I love you

Oh Pumpkin!
I want you
I want you to know,
I never really ever wanna let you go

I'll smash your head in the doorway,
If you don't pay my way
I got no money, I got no rent,
I'm just hungry for you

I'm just hungry for you
I'm so hungry for you
Hungry for you!
Hungry for you!


9. FAILURE IS THE BEST REVENGE

For all those who've failed
You will have your day
And you'll hear them say
I don't understand how things went wrong,
I've always been great, good-looking and strong"

When they feel like you have all the time
It's your revenge
Failure

I guess that's life,
Failure is the best revenge

Be proud of your flounders
And falter with pride
Fail without shame
Cuz you never tried

Don't bother building a trophy case,
Unless they start handing them out for last place
Be humble because no one is safe
It sneaks right up
Failure

Everybody join the club,
Failure is the best revenge

Failure

Only one way of doing things right,
But a thousand ways wrong,
So join the fight.
In showing the winners we don't play their games,
An army of losers
Retarded and lame

A chance to unite
Cuz we're all the same
It's great to be a
Failure

Never try
Failure is the best revenge

Avoid mediocrity
And run the other way
Stay at the bottom
You're welcome to stay

Make them remember you for failure without match
Every defeat is a feather in your cap.
I give a crap

We all belong
Failure
One billion strong
Failure
Come join the club
Failure
Never try
Failure is the best revenge.


10. AGING ORANGE

I'm Palm Palm head
And I wrote one good song
But that was almost 20 years ago
I tried and I tried to follow it up
But you know how those sophomore jinxes go

So I became quite bitter
As sales dropped like flies
No one likes these dumb songs
Of racing cars and spies

Maybe it's my ape drape
Or hippies in my band
But now we only tour in Arizona
Or Japan

So after much thought
And a panel of experts
I came up with a brilliant little plan
I'll take out my frustrations
On one of these ungrateful new punk rock bands

Cuz I invented socks
And I invented gravy
I made up the cotton gin
But no one ever paid me

Why beat a dead horse
With a career that is cursed?
I'll just sue for royalties
On things I thought of first

Back in Ancient Egypt
Many Pharaohs went to jail
For misappropriation
Of my Phrigian scale

I said listen to Tutankhamen
You're driving me insane
It's obvious those bellies
Are all dancing to Bloodstains

I figured out you owe me
And please try not to laugh
But every time I hear it
I get one more golden calf

So I've bitten off
A sizable chunk
Of the hands of the people
With the food

Now I'm confined to the pages of Flipside
A graveyard of punk rock's 35 year old dudes

Cuz I invented socks
And I invented gravy
I made up the cotton gin
But no one ever paid me

Why beat a dead horse
With a career that is cursed?
I'll just sue for royalties
On things I thought of first

Palm Palm!
Palm Palm!
Palm Palm!
Ape Drape!
Ape Drape!
Poodle Head!
Poodle Head!


11. CANINE EUTHENASIA

I'm gonna miss you buddy,
You were the best pal in the world
I feel real bad
Cuz your going away
But things will be better in the other world

When you get to heaven
I bet your legs will work again
You can run around like years before
And you'll be surrounded by your friends

They'll never have to pick you up
Out of the mud,
Your hair will grow back
And you'll have a lot of fun
Yeah

I think about the good times,
Like when I dressed you up in human clothes,
Peanut butter on the roof of your mouth,
Chase you around the back yard with the hose

You were my constant companion
But now you don't recognize me
Your eyes are blind and dad says
We should let you die with dignity

You knew where we were going on that last ride
When I promised mom & dad I wouldn't cry.

I think it's the right thing to do
If your in pain
Canine Euthanasia
Seems more humane

Now sometime has passed
Since you have gone away.
I got a new pal
And he's really great
But I think about you every day

I miss you more than any girl,
you never let me down.
Where ever you are
I wish I was there
I was always happy
When you were around.

Sooner or later everyone dies
But I wish I never had to say good-bye
Goodbye.


12. MOVING UP

Hey mom, it's been fantastic since I'm on my own
At first it seemed so drastic when you and dad kicked me out
But it made me get my act together
And learn what life's all about
Wow I'm self reliant I can hold my own

Movin' up,
Lookout

I got me a job, at a food service place
I'm making four-fifty
And things are going great
I'm cleaning toilets, making fries
But in a couple years
Your least favorite son could make the manager

I don't need education,
Forget about a college
I've got the motivation,
I've got the knowledge

I'll work my way slowly up the food service ladder
And prove to my new family here I really matter

Movin' up,
Lookout,
Here I come,
Movin' up

I hate to jinx my chances
If it's too soon to speak
But there has been some talk,
I could be worker of the week

They'll give me half price lunches
And my own parking space
If I ever get a car
That's icing on the cake

Movin' up,
Lookout,
Here I come,
I'm doing great

I may share one room place
With seven other strangers
With bugs and drugs
And several other dangers

But I command the dinner shift,
And when depressed
I think the four F's
Friends, Fun, Fast-Food, Flexible hours

Cuz I got me a job
I got me a plan
You said I was a mess up
But I proved that I'm a man

I'm here surviving
And I did my own way
Mom and Dad
I wish that you could see me today

I'm Movin' up,
Lookout,
Here I come,
I got a raise,
Movin' up
Lookout,
Here I come,
I'm doing good


13. (I'LL MAKE YOU) LOVE ME

This here's my last chance
So it won't hurt to ask
What can I do to make you love me?

I'll learn to speak in French,
I'll even pitch a tent on your front yard
To make you love me

It seems impossible
You never seem to notice
But there will come a day
They'll say "he really showed us"

This time I really mean it
I think I'm dangerous
You won't be safe
Until you love me

You're such a pretty girl,
Let's feed the birds and squirrels
Some bread and peanuts
Till you love me.

If you don't like some one
Then I will take a gun
And blow their heads off
Until you love me

You must understand
I'm not responsible for anything I do
I've got a doctor's note
This time it's not a joke,
I'm really serious
Bad things will happen
Till you love me.
Love me
Love me

I know when you say I'm scaring you
And I should go away that it's a lie
But here's some truth
I'll never stop until I die.
(die die die)

In my mind
We are peas and carrots
But you are so blind
You refuse to hear it

You'd better listen up
I'll give you one last chance
You won't be safe
Until you love me,
Love me,
Love me


14. CHOOSING YOU MASTERS

I think my TV's busted
If not this country's dusted
Cause I think I saw 7 Mary 3,
And they were on the MTV
They were telling the people to rock the what?

Talentless hippies, Hootie wannabees,
Southern fried kings of mediocrity

Now let me get this straight
You want MTV viewers,
The worlds biggest losers,
To vote?

The idea's wrong
In fact there ought to be a law
If you can sit through a Silverchair video
You shouldn't be allowed to vote at all

They call it a revolution, I call it a curse
Tabitha sucks and Kennedy's worse
It's like I got Clockwork Orange things on my eyelids
As I watch the fans of Stone Temple Pilots seize power

A layer of shit spreads across the land
It's a PSA from the Rollins Band
Now the sellout of all time,
Who can't sing or write a rhyme
Is telling his Genius club
They have a voice?

Well the voice of his fans,
Like those of Blind Melons
Should be lumped together
Convicted felons
Just a segment of society
Not encouraged to engage in public policy

This idea's wrong,
In fact there ought to be a law.
Anyone who bought the last Hole record
Should be thoroughly deprogrammed
For the safety of us all

This idea's wrong
Don't choose your masters


15. I BELIEVE

I believe the children are the future,
Teach them well and let them know
Things may be all shit right now,
But it gets worse when your old

Happy meals and Easter bunny,
Great moments indeed
Enjoy it now while you still can
Cuz I believe

I believe in miracles
And dreams can come true
Especially the ones
Where your teeth fall out
Or you're naked at school

Even sleeping brings us pain
We never get no relief
But that's how it's meant to be
That's what I believe

What ever happen to trust?
Come on people
It's what we need
Stop confusing the issues with facts
Cuz me for one,
I still believe

I believe in the written word
If it's on paper it's true
It's all gospel as far as I'm concerned
If somebody wrote it
It's good enough for me

Why be so suspicious of the ones
Who tried to keep you informed?
They give you the things you need
That's why I believe