1. Write That Hit

That is it, you need a hit
Radio friendly and kind of trendy
Think video
That's the way to go

You've got to push that product and pray for luck
Write a good clean song and don't say 'fuck'
That's what you've got to do
You gotta write that hit, gotta write that hit
Airplay, everyday
"Do you think that this song is it?"

Keep it heavy or maybe not
Try it simple or complicated
Danceable or kind of pop
No not too pop! How about Hip-Hop?
Or a metal thing, maybe a funky swing
Or try alternative or something in between

You've got to push that product and pray for luck
Write a good clean song and don't say 'fuck'
That's what you've got to do
You gotta write that hit, gotta write that hit
Airplay, everyday
"Do you think that this song is it?"

"Oh baby I love you got to hold you
I got a nine, doin' crime and I rhyme
Dance, shake your body
Dance! Dance! Dance!
Rock 'n' Roll tonight!!!

You've got to push that product and pray for luck
Write a good clean song and don't say 'fuck'
That's what you've got to do
You gotta write that hit, gotta write that hit
Airplay, everyday
"Do you think that this song is it?"
Doubt it

"How about a ballad ?"


2. Beer Muscles

I go out, I have a beer to start the night
I have some more, I feel alright!
Hey Bartender, double whiskey here we go
Yo make that a triple I can't say no

Feeling good and getting happy
I just got to smile
A real good mood and I'm one cool dude
'Cause I got cat class and style

Yeah move out to the floor
I gotta dance and sing
Baby I'm the king
I've feeling smarter, quicker, stronger
Feelin' oh so fine
Back up to the bar where the world id mine

Ta-ta-tequila, see that girl I got to feel her
All the girls in here want me
And I intimidate the guys
They're scared of me

Check it out - I might look like flabby
Little girlie man but I work out
1 lift, 2 drink:Beer Muscles!
Live and drink and keep it up:Beer Muscles!
List your liquor drink it down
You've got to learn
Pump those beer muscles baby - feel the burn

Beer - Beer - Beer Muscles!
Beer - Beer - Beer Muscles!

I'm all pumped up and my work - out's done
Back into the crowd I'm gonna have some fun
Moving' - groovin', like a Cadillac I cruise
I'm gonna get myself a woman
Anyone I choose

Hey Babe! Hey Babe! I know what you like
Come on, let's go: Whatcha mean no!
Are you some kind of dyke?
Ooooow! She hit me in the head!
Ooooow! She hit me in the head again!

I got up off the floor
I said you want some more?
I was ready to beat everybody
They were lucky that the bouncers
Threw me out of the door.

Check it out - I might look like flabby
little girlie man but I work out
1 lift, 2 drink:Beer Muscles!
Live and drink and keep it up:Beer Muscles!
List your liquor drink it down
You've got to learn
Pump those beer muscles baby - feel the burn

Beer - Beer - Beer Muscles!
Beer - Beer - Beer Muscles!


3. Everybody Does It

Say hello, say good-bye
It's time to go to live or die
Left - right - left, now you're doing fine
Step right up and join the line
It's your lucky day, hip - hip hurray!
Just leave your brain and walk this way

Everybody does it - Everybody does it!
Everybody march! Everybody does it! Everybody march!
Left - right - left, you're doing fine
Take yourself a number
Step right up and join the line
Pick your bridge - Pick your bridge
Pick your bridge and go
Wait look out below!
You better look before you leap
If everybody does it
You better look before you leap

Jump, don't jump, it's up to you
But don't look down, the joke's on you
It's the big - big show where anything goes
But the emperor he has no clothes
No - no clothes but you can try
Keep flapping those arms but you can't fly

Everybody does it - Everybody does it!
Everybody march! Everybody does it! Everybody march!
Left - right - left, you're doing fine
Take yourself a number
Step right up and join the line
Pick your bridge - Pick your bridge
Pick your bridge and go
Wait look out below!
You better look before you leap
If everybody does it
You better look before you leap

Here lies Tim, jumped off a bridge and he is dead
He jumped to swim right off that bridge but he died
instead
He never thought, he only jumped because others did
He couldn't swim so here lies Tim, a stupid kid

That's what it is, that's what it was
No nothing changes - never does
Are you gonna go? It's yes or no
So say good-bye, say hello
The end is here, fork in the road
Make your choice
We'll see you next episode

Everybody does it - Everybody does it!
Everybody march! Everybody does it! Everybody march!
Left - right - left, you're doing fine
Take yourself a number
Step right up and join the line
Pick your bridge - Pick your bridge
Pick your bridge and go
Wait look out below!
You better look before you leap
If everybody does it
You better look before you leap


4. A Funny Thing

Two people, great for each other, meet by mistake
Now you tell me is that coincidence?
You've got two others, great for each other,
They've never met and never will
Is that coincidence or fate fulfilled?

Is this a part of a master plan
Or are we on our own? I don't understand
It's a funny thing the way it works
A funny thing the way it don't
It's a funny thing and so it goes on and on and on
A funny thing I don't understand

A guy's driving, think about nothing
A sunny day, a truck runs a light
And he ain't going home tonight
If he'd have left 10 seconds later
Would he still be dead?
Or do you think he might have lived
100 years instead?

Are there only accidents or none at all?
Do we walk around in roulette wheels or crystal balls?

It's a funny thing the way it works
A funny thing the way it don't
It's a funny thing and so it goes on and on and on
A funny thing I don't understand

Is this a part of a master plan
Or are we on our own? I don't understand
How do you think we wind up
With these cards in our hands?
Is it the right place - right time
Wrong place - wrong time?
Which place - which time?
If you think about it too much
You'll go out of your mind
It's a funny thing!

If only this, if only that
Does it matter if we could've should've done that?
It's a funny thing, I don't understand
It's a funny thing and so it goes on and on and on
A funny thing, I don't understand!


5. How Could I Love You

"Quiere dejame contar las olas del mar
Te puedo quiero mas que un ano tiene dias
Te quiero mas que ningun otro hombre en la ciudad
But baby, como te puedo quiere if you won't lie down!"

I'm tired, so tired of the same mistakes
I always seem to make
It's a different girl but in the end
It all turns out the same
It starts out OK but then:"I never felt this way"
That's when I know that I should call it a day
Hugs & Kisses - enough to wake the dead
These juicy misses, they want to hear it said
They all want to hear I love you
Before they let me attack
But you know, I can't love 'em
Unless they're flat on their back

How could I love you? Let me count the ways
I could love you more ways than a year has days
I'll love you like no other man in this town
But baby, how could I love you if you won't lie down?

I got a new girl, today she said: "Be my Valentine!"
Another idea popped in my head, I had a better line
Come on and give me some head on over here
Get on the floor
Because I can't say I love you if I'm not quite
Sure I like you but it takes time to say the L-word
Is that a crime?
She asked me if I knew the date
I didn't know and then she said:
"It's been two weeks today, so say it!"
OK, I'll say it - See Ya!

How could I love you? Let me count the ways
I could love you more ways than a year has days
I'll love you like no other man in this town
But baby, how could I love you if you won't lie down?

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen
So I found another way to go
'Cause I can't find a girl
Who understand that I can't say you know
Yeah , there's one walking, ooh she's got a rash
She's kind of ugly, looks a lot like Johnny Cash
There's another, she shakes the ground
Oh Lord! I hope she don't charge by the pound
Yet they all look good to me
'Cause I know exactly how they play
I don't gotta say I love 'em all
I've got to do is pay!

How could I love you? Let me count the ways
I could love you more ways than a year has days
I'll love you like no other man in this town
But baby, how could I love you if you won't lie down?


6. Dead Man Blues

I went to a doctor with a pain in my head
He said: "Tumor boy! Six months you're dead,
It's gonna be slow and painful
It ain't gonna be no fun"
So I went home and decided
I'll end it now my life's done

Game Over, end of the ride
It's suicide!!!

So I took out a shotgun, I put it in my mouth
I put it in too far, I gagged then ralphed
I jumped in front of a truck
I missed and only felt a breeze
Then I tried a bus, the driver stopped and said:
"Exact change, please!!!"

I survived, was still alive!

I dropped a toaster in the tub with me
It did wonders for my hair
Was gonna drive myself right off a cliff
Got lost on my way there
I took a jar of sleeping pills
But all I did was snooze
I can't do nothing right
I got the Dead Man Blues!

Can't get it right
I'm feeling so uptight
I can't die I gotta wonder why
I try and try and try but I can't die
I've got the Dead Man Blues
'Cause even if I win I lose

I threw a rope around the rafters
Around my neck, stood on a chair
The phone rings, my machine picks up
And guess who's there?
It's a message from my doctor
And he says: "Hey lucky break!
It was just a dirt on the X-ray
Whoops! I made a mistake!"

And then I slipped off the chair
And I was hanging there:
I've got the Dead Man Blues
'Cause even if I win I lose
The Dead Man Blues


7. Down With The Ship (New & Improved)

Sailing on a big ship
Deaf, dumb, blind
Sailing through a wild one
To the other side

I'm not going down with the ship

Everyone's captain
Trying to tell you what to do
I want to do what's right for me
For me - not you

I'm not going down with the ship

The ship is going down fast
But I won't be around
I'm jumping in a lifeboat
And heading for dry ground

I'm not going down with the ship