1. COFFIN EJECTING HEARSE

Seated at Chez Pierre
Sipping on chardonnay
Eating a $35 filet of salmon
Bright blue sky shines down on my blind date and I
A hearse pulls up beside us and gets t-bones at the intersection
A casket flies through the air landing on the maitre d' on the patio
The well dressed corpse vomits all over the soufflé
And the gucci-clad patrons outside

Coffin ejecting hearse: destroys humanity
Coffin ejecting hearse: the recently deceased come for me

Blood, vomit and shit pours on all of us
Embalming fluid turns the salad brown
We barf and run and fucking scream
The final revenge of the well dressed corpse
Landing on the glazed carrots


2. DETRUNKED WIZARDS HACKED TO BLOODIED RIBBONS

4th level life force suddenly challenged by an unseen force
The clenched breaks scream their discontent
The white bearded old man clears the windshield in a second
A fucking mutilation in progress: facial skin splits like rotten tomato
Shards embedded deep within ruptured tissues and punctured grey matter

Calcium deprived limbs snap like rotted twigs dangling from crisp branches
As the seat-belt de-trunks and en-corpses the once mighty Argyth
An enchanted spell book smashes through the back of his shattered skull
And his reservation at the Hilton becomes available once more
RPG'ers shall weep in their cloaks over virgin shirley temples tonight

Argyth's convention keynote address scattered on the road
A silent witness to the fucking gruesome and mysterious slaughter
Detrunked wizard hacked to bloodied ribbons


3. REACH AROUND HACKSAW THROAT SLASHING AT A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION

A midsummer's penetrating assault from
A vicious reach-around hacksaw attack
Cold steel teeth slash open all major blood vessels
An explosion of blood prevents the victim form screaming

Muscles and vertebrae lacerated as the city's piss filled air
And bacteria are sucked downward into newly gaping trachea
The blood soaked gurgling corpse falls to sidewalk
As the deranged bearded murderer peers down the street

Just down the block a nuclear bomb detonates
Vaporizing victim and assailant and one hundred million more
All wiped out by the immediate effects of the blast

Thermal and ionizing radiation amidst a torrent of fire
Societal functions cease humanity destroyed in a flash
All wiped out by the immediate effects of the blast
Permanent psychological imprinting of nuclear holocaust occurs
Millions, flesh in tatters, eyeballs bleeding
Stagger lost and cancerous

A midsummer's penetrating assault from
A vicious reach-around hacksaw attack
Cold steel teeth slash open all major blood vessels


4. SELF-STRANGULATION IN A LOCKED REFRIGERATOR

Inadequate intake of oxygen
Inordinate compression placed upon the throat
Suspension of breathing occurs
Vice grips about my own life
Viral upper respiratory infection begins to occur
Mucus membranes become inflamed as my corpse slumps down
Strangulated and locked in a refrigerator


5. BLOODLOSS AND TRAUMA FROM A VENGEFUL HATCHET ASSAULT TO PENILE SHAFT

It was a dark and stormy night, white knuckles grab the weapon
Another goddamned vengeful hatchet attack in progress

A cheating spouse confronted by brain damaged quadriplegic partner
For only an instant frenzied cries for forgiveness go unheard
Judgement comes down in the form of a fucking hatchet

An anguished panic stricken scream meets the tearing of skin
The blade hacks through arteries and now severs the fascia
Then slices through cylindrical masses of tissue inside the penis
Broken and forever reduced to a fucking pile of shit

At this time an explosion from the loins
Sprays hot blood outward from gored urogenital diaphragm
Across the room complete vascular collapse
A most anguished look frozen on blood
Caked shocked and lifeless face itty-bitty pecker severed
Fucked beyond fucking belief


6. DRILLING THROUGH THE TYMPANIC MEMBRANE WITH A CORKSCREW

Grabbed from behind at the Cheap Trick show
Leather gloved hand covers the mouth and restrains the victim
A sophisticated hand-crafted corkscrew
Slammed mercilessly into the side of the head
Puncturing through the lobe and punching through eardrum

The corkscrew is angrily ground deeper yet
Auditory nerves severed fracture rips the channel into tatters
Disruption of the ear ones a spinal fluid lead triggers
Facial nerve injury and the victim begins losing consciousness
Unable to hear his own fucking death screams

Swiss stainless steel penetrates the brain
Internal bleeding causes further damage
Due to perforation and disruptive effects of hemorrhage
Slowing of respiration, transfixed eyeballs and contorted face
A neurosurgical catastrophe as the band opens with "Surrender"