1. INDECISION

[Band Talking]


2. SCROTAL TORMENT

In a crowd
With no escape
Is when I feel
My privates wake!

Got to find
Some privacy
Or they will see
Me scratching me!

[Pre-Chorus]
My balls itch!
They're itching, I gotta scratch 'em
Way down low!
My balls are a ball of fire
My balls itch!
They're itching, I gotta scratch 'em
Way down low!
My balls are a ball of fire

[Chorus]
Irritation
Toleration
Scrotum itching
Leaves me bitching
Can't endure this
Epidermis
Scrotum itching
Leave me buh...

Tension builds
There's got to be
A way to end
My agony
Pockets deep
Where no one sees
I find the keys
To my relief!

My balls itch!
They're itching, I gotta scratch 'em
Way down low!
My balls are a ball of fire
My balls itch!
They're itching, I gotta scratch 'em
Way down low!
My balls are a ball of fire

Irritation
Toleration
Scrotum itching
Leaves me bitching
Can't endure this
Epidermis
Scrotum itching
Leave me buh...


3. TWO TON PAPERWEIGHT

My car is a PIECE OF SHIT!
I wanna drive you off a cliff
Watch you crash into a ravine
For the things you did to me, you...

STUPID CAR!
I wanna make myself a pipe bomb
Blow your damn engine back to hell
Where I know you're from.

Piece of JUNK!
You aren't even worth the tow
To a junkyard or a place
Where you'd sit and lay to waste, I...

WISH YOU'D DIE!
Oh never mind, you always do.
Could you tell me how much longer it will be
Until I'm rid of you?

I wish that you'd just get hit by lightning (or something)
My confidence in you is sold with every part I buy
I guess I'm just a sucker with a lemon
So pucker up and kiss another paycheck goodbye!

You leak more than a newborn baby
I change you oil all the time but still you need some more
Your fluid puddles come in assorted colors
Such wondrous variety of problems galore

Will there be a time
When I know I can drive
Without my car breaking down?
And will I ever see
It start consistently
Without the pain and the suffering

My car is a PIECE OF SHIT!
I ought to give you a swift kick
In the muffler, in the tire
Or where ever I desire you...

STUPID CAR!
You never get me very far when
You decide driving to the store is a mortal sin

PIECE OF CRAP!
I guess you want a piece of me
Since you're leaving all your pieces
In the middle of the street

You heap of JUNK!
I don't know what I'm gonna do
I just hope that I don't have to take another day of driving you

I swear you must be older than my grandma (and she's dead)
The fact you run at all is quite a mystery to me
Your miles are approaching seven digits
May God have mercy on the soul that's holding the key

I'm guess I'm just a little angry
But for some reason, getting stranded kinda chaps my hide.
You probably think I'm slightly overreacting
Has your car ever made you think about suicide?

Will there be a time
When I know I can drive
Without my car breaking down?
And will I ever see
It start consistently
Without the pain and the suffering


4. DEATH BURGER!

[Talking]


5. NO PUN INTENDED

I've got bad diarrhea, It might be a good idea if I found the bathroom quick before I... Oh shit


6. WHY, OH, WHY?

I'm looking at you
It's all over
I don't feel quite the same
That look in the eyes
That you don't want me anymore
Even through you are too blame

Why Oh Why
Did this had to happen?
Why do you do me this way

(Tell me why) You had to lead me on so long
(Tell me why) I had to end it all in song
(Tell me why) You ran away with my best friend
(Tell me why) I still love you

I came across an old letter
Here what you had to say:
Would you please pick up a gallon of milk while your shopping at the store...
Wha?.....thats not it
There it is..you said....

I love you so
Your everything to me
I can love no other one
Yeah Right!

Except for maybe like I said:
My best friend
And my brother
And my dad,
And my younger brother,
And his best friend,
And that guys brother as well,
And that one guy that came over....

(Tell me why) You slept with everyone but me
(Tell me why) I'm out of words that rhyme with "me"
(Tell me why) You still owe three bucks for that milk
(Tell me why) I still love you

(Why?) Did you leave me alone
(Why?) In the cold in the darkness
(Why?) So I can talk to the wall in the basement (Hey, who turned out the lights?)
Did you hurt me so bad
Did you feel no remorse?
(Why?) When you broke all of my shit with a crowbar?(Ow, my pinball)

Tell me why [8x]

I still love you [2x] (even through your a bitch)
I still love you [2x] (even through your a psycho
I still love you [2x] (even through you should DIE!)
I still love you [2x]


7. PLUH

Tearin' down the road doin' ninety
In my tiny little Volkswagen on my way to get a tank of gas
I passed a cop with a radar gun waitin' for a
Sucker like me to drive by goin' way to fast

I saw the red and blue in my rear view
So I pulled slug bug over to the shoulder of the road
He looked at me in the nose and said:
"Son, do you realize your tires are round?"
And I said:
"PLUH!"

YES, I SAID PLUH!

Walking down the streets in my
Running shoes lookin' for a shoestore
So that I can find myself parking spot
I bumped into a guy that was wearing nothing
But his boxers
And a cap that said:
"I like tater tots."

He said something in Latin
That I didn't understand
And I thought the worst until
He pointed at my wrist

Then I saw that all he wanted was the time
So I looked at the broken watch, and I said:
"PLUH!"

YES I SAID PLUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH!

*start pit here*

If there ever was a word that you heard
SO ABSURD
It could take the place of ANYTHING
That you could say

Noun, verb, adverb, statement, question
Daytime, night-time, anytime, anyone!

So remember the next time you forget
What you're sayin' in the middle of a sentence-
Don't strain your brain to remember the word
Instead look 'em right in the nose and
Tell 'em that the answer is:
"PLUH!"

*intrusion by Satan*


8. BEER!

I like beer 'cos it is good
I drink beer because I should
If there is a song to sing
I sing it and beer you bring
I drink beer when I am sad
'Cuz the beer it makes me glad
Now there's nothing left to say
So let's go drink beer

Beer is good
Beer is good
Beer is good
... And Stuff

Beer is good
Beer is good
Beer is good
Let's go drink some BEER

BEER

When it's warm it taste's real crappy
But cold beer will make me happy
When I throw up on the floor
I can go and drink some more
They say beer will make me dumb
It are go good with pizza
Now that we have drunk some beer
Lets go drive a car

Beer is good
Beer is good
Beer is good
....and stuff

Beer is good
Beer is good
Beer is good
Let's go drink some BEER

Beer

Uh dude.. I think you've had enough
...NOOOO

Let's go drink some beer.

I am drunk, drunk as me, I am drunk, wheee
I am drunk, drunk as me, I am drunk, wheee
I am drunk, drunk as me, I am...


9. PROZAK MILKSHAKE

I'm depressed
So I wrote this song
To express
Everything that's wrong

Like my mother
Wouldn't let me go to a rated R
Cool movie
At the theater with my friends

And I know
That you may not think that it's a big deal
But you don't understand.
You would never understand.
You could never understand.
You will never understand.

Cuz I'm singing this melody
And I don't know the words
And my life's just so pitiful(and will always be)
Like one big, smelly turd

I'm so fat
And I'm ugly
And I'm dumb
And I boring

I'm a loser and that's all that I'm ever gonna be
No use trying; I could never get anywhere

And I know
That you may not think that it's a big deal
But you don't understand.
You would never understand.
You could never understand.
You will never ever, never ever, never understand.

Cuz I'm singing this melody
And I don't know the words
And my life's just so pitiful(and will always be)
Like one big, smelly turd

Die, die, BITCH, DIE!
(and stuff.)
Die, die, SLUT, DIE!
(At random.)
Die, die, WHORE, DIE!
(Who farted?)
Die, die, French FRY!
(I'm hungry.)

Ooh you would never understand,
No, you would never understand

Cuz I'm singing this melody
And I don't know the words
And my life's just so pitiful (and will always be)
Like one big, smelly turd

You would never understand!
You would never understand!
You would never understand!
You would never understand!
You would never understand!
You would never understand!
You would never understand!
You would NEVER!, UNDERSTAND!


10. THROWIN' DOWN

[Chick Ranting]

Hey, I get it
You wanna run my life!
Why don't you stick an antenna up my ass
And make me your own satellite

You bitch
Why the hell you gotta make it so damn tough
I could find a cure for cancer
But it wouldn't be enough

You seem
To think
That I'm a money tree
Since your only big concern is
"How much will he spend on me?"
That's it!
I've had it!
I can't take anymore!
If you can't see that you're wrong,
I can show you to the door

Tell me what do you want from me?
My body? My soul?
If there any relief for me?
From you? Hell no.

I won't listen to you
Until your mouth is shut.
And we don't gotta throw down
Just 'cause the toilet seat's up.

I know, that you suck
I know that you blow
I know that I'm fucked
I know that I can't say no

You've got the nerve
To tell me how to drive
When you've been in so many wrecks
It's amazing you're alive

Plus you're hogging all the oxygen
Since all you do is talk
Give me one good reason not to
Make you get out here and walk

NO, that doesn't mean I think
You're overweight
I tell you all the time,
I think that you look great!

But HEY, does it matter
With anything I say?
Since I'm always wrong
And didn't do the dishes yesterday!

Tell me what do you want from me?
My body? My soul?
If there any relief for me?
From you? Hell no.

I won't listen to you
Until your mouth is shut.
And we don't gotta throw down
Just 'cause the toilet seat's up.


11. I HATE DOING LAUNDRY

I hate doing laundry
I hate doing laundry
I hate doing laundry

Awww crap I gotta do the dishes too

I hate doing dishes
I hate doing dishes
I hate doing dishes


12. RETURN OF THE DEATH BURGER!

[Talking]


13. LARGILOQUENT DITHGRAMB

Dog food

Tastes good

With cheese


14. LIZARD SPHERE X

[Talking]


15. ORGASM = LOVE

I can feel you in my heart
Even though we drift apart
With those words you spoke to me
Though I always disagree

And I listen
To the sound of
Your sweet voice cause you won't shut up.

Now I'm finished
Let me call you
A taxi.

(woah o yeah, woah oh)

[Chorus]
I don't feel
That I'm feeling
Your feelings,

About these feelings that you feel
(woah romance)

And you know that I love you
When were FUCKIN'
Cause orgasm equals love.

All my friends smile and they chuckle
At pictures of your bear moose knuckle.
Please don't feel like you're a slut
When I'm peeing in your butt.

And I love to donkey punch you
After I poop on your sheets.
And I do it cause you love me,
And I love you (awwww)

(woah oh yeah, woah some more)

I don't feel
That I'm feeling
Your feelings,

About these feelings that you feel
(woa hack weeze)

And I love you
When you show me
Your sweet boobies
Cause orgasm equals love

I don't feel
That I'm feeling
Your feelings,

About these feelings that you feel
Lets get married
And have babies
Just kidding

Cause orgasm equals love,
Cause erections equals love,
Cause ejaculation equals love,
Cause deep throating blowjobs equal love,
Cause salad tossing equals love,
Double penetration equals love,
Anal kidney punching equals love,
Cause dirty sanchez's equal love,
Cause Cleveland steamers equal love,
Cause tying you up to my bed
And gagging you with your own panties
And sticking my wiener in between your boobies
And cumming all over your chin equals love.

(This song ain't getting on the radio any time soon)


16. GOOD MORNING

[Talking]

Get Up! Get Up! Get Up!
Before I rip off your umm...
EAR!!!!
That's Right
Your ear!


17. IN A BAND TO GET CHICKS

SICK of being a loser
Turned down at every turn!
TIRED of being rejected
I'm the king of crash and burn.

WHAT am I gonna do now?
I need a little plan...
WAIT! I bet they would want me...
With a microphone in hand!

'Cause I'm sick of this rejection
Gotta get me some affection
If I wanna score
I gotta upgrade my image.

So i'll dub myself a SINGER
Give the rules a middle finger
Say I do it for the music
NOT the Money!
Though that's true I know that...

All I want is chicks.
All HE wants is chicks.
All THEY want it chicks.
ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!

ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!
ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!
ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!
ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!

...chicks.
...boobs.
Yeah ALL WE WANT IS -
A little booty.

LOOK at me in the spotlight
Sweat glistens off my brow
TAKE my shirt off and show off
Time to flaunt my physique now

LOOK at the girls all screaming
With the faces turning red
KNOW that each look I give them
Makes them want to give me... Heh heh

Well I know they'll like me better
Than that loser Eddie Vetter
Or Aaron Lewis, 'cause
I know I'm better looking

And I wish my crush from high school
Saw me now and feels like a fool
'Cause I asked her out
A hundred times
She said, "NO!"
Her loss, still I know

All I want is chicks.
All HE wants is chicks.
All THEY want it chicks.
ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!

ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!
ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!
ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!
ALL WE WANT IS CHICKS!

...chicks.
...boobs.
Yeah ALL WE WANT IS -
A little booty.


18. FAKE MY OWN DEATH AND GO PLATINUM

Well you see
I wanna sell a million records
But my music sucks
So what am I to do?

They say an artist is appreciated after he's dead
I have no talent but
I bet that it's still true!

The lyrics all suck and
The chords are too funky
We're on a major label
'Cuz we're just plain lucky

We sold 4 albums
To our own mothers
We have a few supporters
But there aren't many others!

What if I could live
If they all would think I'm dead
Oh just what if I could have my
Cake and eat it too

I'd be set for life
No more struggles no more strife
Let the money do the talking
I'm a dead man walking!

Kill myself
And all our record sales will shoot up
Like an addict
Or that poser Emineim

Make it mystery
And let them spot me just like Elvis
It wouldn't matter
Cause I'd still be dead to them

I'd simply sit back in
A house all secluded
Out in the forest
Self-sufficient (pool included)

Let my name take the place of Fred Durst
I could have it all
If my label doesn't kill me first

What if I could live
If they all would think I'm dead
Oh just what if I could have my
Cake and eat it too

I'd be set for life
No more struggles no more strife
Let the money do the talking
I'm a dead man walking!


19. ABCDEATH

Alright, motherfucker
It's time to go old school
So put on your thinking caps
And get ready
To fuck shit up

A B C D E F G
H I J K
L M N O P
Q R S
T U V
W X
Y and Z

Now I know
My ABC's
Next time won't
You sing with me

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

A B C D E F G
H I J K
L M N O P
Q R S
T U V
W X
Y and Z


20. JAGERMEISTER LOVE SONG

I know I promised I'd write you a love song
But instead I just wrote you a drunk song
Because love is pathetic
But seventy proof is no less than poetic

You look your best when my vision is blurry
That's not what I meant I can't keep from slurring
Because love is emetic
But not if you bought me a shot and I hit it

Drink 'till you're crazy
Dance 'till you're sick
Take off your bra
Give it to the 'stick

Drink 'till you're crazy
Dance 'till you're sick
Acknowledge the dumb
Give in to the 'stick

I can't see, now I have to pee
And I can't count to three
But I can count to JAGERMEISTER!

YEAH!

Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug my Jagermeister!

Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug my Jagermeister!

Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug my JAGERMEISTER!!!

WHEW!

Drink 'till you're crazy
Dance 'till you're sick
Take off your bra
Give it to the 'stick

Drink 'till you're crazy
Dance 'till you're sick
Acknowledge the dumb
Give in to the 'stick