1. J.R.R. Tolkien
Who wrote the Hobbit, Two Towers and Return of the King?
J.R.R. Tolkein!
Who wants Rankin/Bass's ass in a sling?
J.R.R. Tolkein!
The only fantasy I'd ever read to my children
But not The Simarillion!
Who wants to kill Ralph Bakshi for the Lord of the Rings?
J.R.R. Tolkein!




2. Jules Verne




Jules and his brother, watching the boats
Tellin' stories to each other of the places they'd go
At twenty-thousand leagues meet Captain Nemo
Not much of a plot and owed a lot to Poe
From Phineas Fogg to Impey Barbicane
He fit his fiction to the science of the day
Practically invented the N.R.A.
Wrote Around the World in 80 Days!
Jules' dad sent him to law school in Paris
He wished he was with his brother on a ship
Supposed to go to class but always skipped
Did the coffeehouse bit, started to get Lit
Wrote a couple of boring plays
Soon, Jules was amazed
Writing fiction pays
So, he wrote Around The World In 80 Days!




3. H.P. Lovecraft




He was little known until he died
'Cuz the real demons were behind his eyes
And his tortured mind could never thought
Of the extent his mental health had wrought
A dozen shitty movies only two I saw
At least one song by Metallica
Aleister Crowley even believed that crap
You fucked my mind H. P. Lovecraft
You started writing for Wierd Tales
All you wanted was sex you got strait hell
I stole my first from Waldenbooks at the mall
And then I heard Cthulhu's Call
Other writer jumped on your boat
Even you weren't scared of what you wrote
You told of monters lurking in the mist
'Cause you daddy died of syphilis




4. Michael Moorcock



Corum. The last of his race
Had to kick ass over sixteen planes
Elric. Kept alive by his sword
Stormbringer stole souls for the Chaos Lords.
Eternal Champion. Multiverse of the mind
Everything he wrote somehow intertwined
Michael Moorcock born in 1939!
The Sundred Worlds! The Wrecks of Time!
Moor...cock..cock...cock! Moor...cock..cock...cock!

Moorcock smoked pot with Lemmy
You think you wrote a lot of books, he wrote twice as many
Von Beck was Mike's Grandad
Best Eternal Champion a kid ever had
The Golden Barge or any of his stories
Ironic fables, simple allegories
The great rock-n-roll swindle... Well, why the fuck not?
Hawkwind and Moorcock write books and rock
Moor...cock..cock...cock! Moor...cock..cock...cock!




6. John Brunner




Shockwave Rider put us in deep shit
Inescapable jagged orbit
John Brunner put our horrible future in print
We sheep won't look up 'til our throats are slit!
Those astronauts should not have landed
Everything is going just like John planned it
Dropped a hint with Sanctuary in the Sky
The amazing thing is he's still alive
John write while we sleep and die
Stand on Zanzibar!
Father of Lies!




7. Frank Herbert




You do what gotta do to survive
Like live in Port Townsend all your life
Now, I read Dune and I liked what I saw
But you talk and talk, blah and blah
Waters on the Straits of Juan De Fuca
Made you write Soul Catcher...
Wrote Destination: Void way too soon
'Cuz you still wrote all those shitty sequels to Dune
But at least, David Lynch tried
And two years later, you'd have died!
Frank, Frank, you made me think
Frank you made me
Even his name is a killing word!